He Died As He Lived - Quite The Spectacle
Bollywood movie mogul Yash Chopra has died at the age of 80 a week after contracting dengue fever. His funeral will last five hours, and contain humour, drama, romance, fantasy and lavish dance numbers that are completely disconnected from the eulogies they interrupt.
There He GoesAt the age of 74, actor and television host Gary Collins has died of natural causes. He was a tall drink of - no, wait, that was his brother Tom.
Or, At Least, He Was...
Science fiction author Harry Harrison has died at the age of 87. Harry Harrison is people! Harry Harrison is people!
Although Some Critics Found It Excessive, The LT Is Now Taught In Many Acting Courses
Herbert Lom has died at the age of 95. Although he acted in over 100 films in a career that spanned six decades, he will always be remembered for the "Lom Twitch," a performing style he perfected playing Charles Dreyfus opposite Peter Sellers' Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther series of movies. "The Lom Twitch is actually a lot harder to master than it looks," stated Colin Farrell.
It Was, As Doctor Frank N. Furter Truly Said, A Mercy Killing
The print edition of Newsweek magazine was officially pronounced dead yesterday afternoon at the age of 80. It had been suffering from sclerotic circulation for many years. It is survived by its ungainly step-child, an electronic edition. "Dad was an important part of the media in its day," The Daily Newsbeast Week cheekily commented, "but today's readers want instant information and social interaction, two things a weekly print publication is bad at doing. Really bad at doing. Fatally bad at - okay, you get the idea. It was its time."
A Specter Is No Longer Haunting America
Republican Senator Arlen Specter has died at the age of 82. He was well known for his work on the Warren Commission that investigated the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Now do you believe that there is a conspiracy to stifle the voices of anybody who investigated Kennedy's death?
Some Women Take Being Gurley A Bit Too Seriously...
Helen Gurley Brown, the author of Sex and the Single Girl and former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, has died at the age of 90. Before she passed away, she wrote a note to her current lover apologizing for not being able to be with him that evening.
He Was Known As The Air Raid Siren Of Situation Comedy
Ron Palillo, who played Horschack on Welcome Back Cotter, has died of an apparent heart attack at the age of 63. You know, I can still hear the character's laugh in my head. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!
He Also Spoke His Own Incomprehensible Language
Joe Kubert has died at the age of 85. He was prone to jumping diagonally from cube to cube from the top of an isometric pyramid of cubes; landing on a cube caused him to change color. Kubert was a perfectionist who was not satisfied until he had changed every cube to a target color.
To each their own, I guess.
Her Acting Strengths Were Krystal Clear
Sylvia Krystal, star of the film Emmanuelle, has died at the age of 60 from cancer. After the news broke, men of a certain age flew at half mast throughout the rest of the day.
On The Other Hand, The Flowers Will Be Growing Out Of His Hair...
Singer/songwriter Scott McKenzie has died at the age of 73 of Guillain-Barre Syndrome. Ironically, he did not die in San Francisco.
I Would Have Paid Good Money To See That FilmPhyllis Diller has died at the age of 95. Tony Scott has died, an apparent suicide after having been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer, at the age of 68. If she hadn't died, Diller probably would have made fun of Scott's hairpiece. If he hadn't died, Scott would probably have used Diller as the inspiration for the evil criminal matriarch tracked down by a police detective played by Denzel Washington.
Thousands Of Engaged Couples Concerned That There Is Now Nobody To Marry ThemThen, as it must to all men, death came to Sun Myung Moon. He was 92; he died of complications due to pneumonia. Followers of the founder of the Unification Church responded: "Praise the Lord and pass the Washington Times!"
Life Is Long
Stanley Long, British producer of such films as Nudist Memories, The Wife Swappers and the international sensation Adventures of a Taxi Driver, has died at the age of 78. You may not think much of the "king of sexploitation," but he's in the Internet Movie Database and you're not.