Headlines Cannot Believe it is Listening to The Temptations' Cover of "Hey Jude"

Now With 27% More Poignancy Than The Old Urgency

"New urgency in Syrian conflict" - Globe and Mail

Because Amateurbiotics Have Been Banned By The IOC

"Pregnant women are best to take probiotics" - Toronto Star

Do You Expect To Write For The Paper For Long?

"American conservatives can be crazy" - Toronto Sun

Oddly Enough, The Reverse Is Rarely True

"Too much goodwill can be a bad sign" - Globe and Mail

Of Course, They Don't Have To Worry About Their Jobs

"Austerity s paying off, Merkel, Monti say" - Globe and Mail

Planning To Annex Foursquare

"Kate the Facebook Nazi with daughter" - Toronto Sun

Certainly Uncertain

"Glencore says it might abandon Xstrata merger" - Globe and Mail

"2012 may be good year for markets" - Toronto Star

"Probiotic underdogs
Three servings of fermented foods a week may benefit your health, dietitians say" - Toronto Star

"Like Energizer Bunny, PM could go on and on" - Globe and Mail

"Wall Street's gloom may signal a buying opportunity" - Globe and Mail

"Jitters may warn of divorce" - Toronto Star

"Harper might need Mulcair to keep the country together" - Globe and Mail

"Pivotal verdict may take months" - Toronto Star

Don't Forget The Follow-up: Why We Need A World Run By People Who Don't FAIL

"CRASH, BURN, ACHIEVE? WHY KIDS NEED TO FAIL" - Globe and Mail

A Venue With Prohibitively High Rent And Barely Enough Patrons To Cover It?

"Toronto theatre needs a Lightbox of its own" - The Grid

So Many Levels Of Wrongness!

"Rabid beaver attacks Virginia woman, 83" - Toronto Star

Rating Agency Should Never Make Decisions When It's That Time Of The Month

"Moody's warns it could lower U.S. triple-A rating" - Globe and Mail

Or Their Clients Will Switch To...Umm...Smoke Signals...

"Bell, Rogers need to listen to clients" - Toronto Star

As Long As I've Got A Job, I'll Happily Update You On The Condition Of Your Wretchedness

"Reguly: 'Accept the fact that we're in a depression'" - Globe and Mail

Oh, It If, If It?

"A study of race, class and gender
Smith's latest if filled with martini dry humour and nuanced observations" - Toronto Star

With A Margin Of Error Of 49 Points, 19 Times Out Of 19

"Canadians feel good about job security" - Toronto Sun

Unfortunately, The League Is On Strike And Nobody Knows If Or When The Game Will Be Finished

"It's Still Halftime in America" - New York Times

Happy To Accept Ontario Money

"Alberta backs foreign deals" - Globe and Mail

Good To Know The Corruption Of His Government Had Nothing To Do With It

"Bouchard blames PQ minority on 'radical' ideas" - Toronto Star

Yet...

"No One Murdered Because Of This Image" - The Onion

The Stake In The Heart Of Canadian Content?

"CRTC: Reputation of broadcast regulator at stake" - Globe and Mail

Giving New Meaning To The Term "Distressed Merchandise"

"Investors Discover Deals in Post-Revolt Egypt" - New York Times

That Must Have Been A Tre At

"We Day speakers spur social activism
20,000 students to attend star-studded eventat ACC, one of eight across Canada" - Toronto Star

Did You Pay Nike For Permission To Use That Phrase?
Did They Pay You?

"How to tackle U.S. debt: Just do it" - Globe and Mail

Christians Cannot Crusade
Followers, Especially In North America, Need To Maintain Separate Church And State
(Although, Going In Opposite Directions, Christians And Muslims May Meet In Middle)

"Muslims must modernize
Followers, especially in the Middle East, need to separate mosque and state" - Toronto Sun

The Red Line Should Come From An Editor's Pen

"No Need to Rush Into a War With Iran" - New York Times

"A Need for Firmness Over Iran" - New York Times

Pragmatic - Docile - I'd Love To See Their Thesaurus, But, Of Course, It's Heavily Redacted

"CIA saw a 'pragmatic' PM in Mulroney
Declassified notes reveal analyses of government" - Toronto Star

Can't Lobby Against Rules That Haven't Been Written Yet

"Oil patch seeks foreign takeover rules" - Globe and Mail

Losing Your Licence Can Really Focus The Mind

"Some doctors need education in sexual rules, study finds
19% of discipline cases are repeat offences" - Toronto Star

Not With His Spaghetti Shovel!

"Can Romney dig himself out of this hole?" - Globe and Mail

Has Plagiarism Become The New Normal?

"Has plagiarism become the new normal?" - Toronto Star

They Should Have Fed On A Pork Chop, Instead

"Culture Clash Feeds The Rage Of Muslims" - New York Times

It Borders On Insubordination, Sidles Up To Sedition And Has Traces Of Treachery, Too
And, Your Point Is?

"Ceding control to a regime like China verges on Treason" - Toronto Sun

Gross! I'll Bet That Tastes Disgust -
Oh. Sorry. I Thought The Headline Read: "Tavern Has Restaurateurs' DNA On Tap"

"Museum Tavern taps restaurateurs' DNA" - Toronto Star