Headlines Take the Cake! (Sorry if You Wanted a Piece...)

He's Inscrutable, Isn't He? Not A Scrutable Bone In His Body!

"For Harper, PQ just fine" - Toronto Star

 "Quebec result will test Harper" - Toronto Star

Have Shoe Polish On Your Person At All Times

"Cheap, Squishy Robots With Camouflage" - New York Times

Education Isn't Of Much Use To The Dead

"We've made a choice: health, not education" - Globe and Mail

Get Them On Cigarettes As Early As Possible

"Pacifiers may stunt boys' emotions" - Toronto Star

Going Beyond Shushing Into Surface-to-surface Missiles

"For Guerrilla Librarian, Time to Turn the Page on Phone Booths" - New York Times

 I Deserve A Peace Prize For Not Burning My Neighbour's House Down After I Punched Him In The Nose And Kicked Him In The Groin When He Was Down
I Guess The World Is Just Unfair That Way

"NATO, not EU, deserves Peace Prize" - Globe and Mail

Or That She's Paying Attention

"Paranoia may mean woman's ill" - Toronto Sun

Starts Campaign With Cliche

"Trudeau tosses hat in the ring" - Toronto Star

Interferes With "Optimal" Anxiety Level Needed To Keep Employed Docile

"Underemployment driving 'excessive' anxiety among young workers: survey" - Globe and Mail

I Just App-ened To Be In The Neighbourhood

"iPhone size sends app developers into frenzy" - Globe and Mail

 "App stores warranty information" - Toronto Star

 "Bad Piggies to the rescue?
With Angry Birds fading, their maker hopes to create another blockbuster app ahead of possible IPO" - Toronto Star

 "For healthy eating on the road, try these apps" - Globe and Mail

 "Protocols for protest
Google does the right thing by responding to public outrage and removing an anti-Semitic app based on a century-old forgery" - Toronto Star

 "Redefining medicine With Apps and iPads" - New York Times

 "App brings understanding to classrooms" - Toronto Star

 "Scientists alarmed by proliferation of pro-smoking apps" - Toronto Star

 "With this free exercise app, you get what you pay for" - Globe and Mail

 "Apps open window into what's going on at shopping malls" - Toronto Star

 "Paging a doctor? There's an app for that" - Globe and Mail

 "TIFF app is fine, not fantastic" - Toronto Star

 "BEST BEAUTY APPS" - Toronto Star

 "Escape from the planet of the apps" - The Grid

 "Teen draws downloads with news-crunching app" - Toronto Star

 "Want to live healthier? Apps can help
Patients getting instant feedback by text message see an improvement in their blood pressure" - Globe and Mail

 "Toronto's wonder app" - Toronto Star

 "Taxi war erupts over app-based company" - Toronto Star

 "Apple's Map app error is a path to lost customers" - Globe and Mail

 "Breast assured, shirtless guys are app-y to help the cause" - Toronto Star

 "Got anxiety? Try this app" - Toronto Star

Don't Be Silly! We Won't Be Going Back To Those Times For At Least Another Decade!

"There was a time when a woman was judged on her pie crust. It's an antiquated notion, but I figured it can't hurt to learn how to roll like a pro" - Globe and Mail

To Go Along With Wrong Life Priorities

"Many have wrong financial priorities" - Toronto Star

Unless It's The Other Way Around...

"In Europe, democracy will be austerity's undoing" - Globe and Mail

Damn GPS! - When It Makes A Mistake, It Really Makes A Mistake!

"Chinese cuisine by way of Arizona" - Toronto Star

Headline Writers Approves Novel Noun-Verb Agreement

"Judges approves extradition of Muslim cleric to United States" - Globe and Mail

Double Cheese Puck With Bacon, Hold The Salary Cap!

"Lockout Burger - comfort food for fans" - Toronto Star

We're Proud We Could Do Our Part

"What a load of hot air
U.K. climate data shows how politicized process has become" - Toronto Sun

Then, They Have A Lockout Burger And Everything Is Fine Again

"For U.S. banks, long shadow of financial crisis still haunts" - Globe and Mail

Don't Ask Me - I Have No Steak In The Outcome

"Will recall put steak in beef industry?" - Toronto Sun

No Surprise! A Little Margaret Wente is Bad For You

"Surprise! A little fat is good for you
It seems that the more research people do, the more tenuous the connection between obesity and health problems becomes" - Globe and Mail

One Holocaust Trivialization Mocha, Two Creams, One Sugar

"'Coffee nazi' bans strollers from café" - Globe and Mail

Of Course - He Hasn't Been A Judge Long Enough To Be Corrupted!

"New justice touts credibility, integrity" - Toronto Sun

 Because They Like Our Health Care System




Umm, Okay, Obviously Not, But They Really Like Our Regulation Of Private Gun Ownership




No, Not That, Either, But They Sure Do Like Our Multiculturalism




Okay, Uhh, I Give Up: What Exactly Do They Want To Copy?

"'Copy Canada' an essential Republican plank - for now" - Globe and Mail

Three In Five Aren't Paying Attention

"One in five Canadian workers are depressed" - Toronto Sun

 Unless An Interviewer Gets To Him First
The Way He Is Treated Is Just Criminal!

"Lord Black set to be pilloried on BBC comedy show" - Globe and Mail

They Can Be Very Possessive That Way

"Ford's pushed city staff to beautify land near family's business" - Globe and Mail

Can't We All Just Get Along?

"Suzuki Canada unaffected by U.S. woes" - Toronto Star

 "Suzuki to go it alone in Canada
Bankruptcy filing by U.S. unit will make it difficult for auto maker to survive in North America" - Globe and Mail

 "Markets sag as 'fiscal cliff' looms" - Toronto Star

 "Why the U.S. won't careen over the fiscal cliff" - Globe and Mail

 Absolutely!
(You Can Go Back To Eating Your Triple Cheeseburger With Bacon And Chili Cheese Fries Now)

"Are doctors making us fat?" - Toronto Star

ALSO: Predicts Obama Victory On November 8th And Claims Second Star Wars Trilogy Sucked

"Chinese president warns of corruption" - Toronto Star