I, Uhh, Will Allow That I May Not Be Doing It Quite Right...
I went to Bradford, England to attend the European print launch of my first novel, Welcome to the Multiverse* at the Eastercon science fiction convention. Having a book launch is like having sex: six months of anticipation for an hour of bliss!
* Sorry for the Inconvenience
Unlike The Trip Back (But I'm Sure The Child's Trauma Won't Last For Its WHOLE Life)
Although there were several families with small children on the plane to Europe, there was no crying until about 10 minutes before we landed. TRULY, THIS FLIGHT WAS BLESSED!
Do You Have A Better Explanation?
My suitcase has three zippers: two open areas that you can put things in while the middle one opens a section that you can't put anything in. As far as I can tell, it's to make the suitcase look bigger so that when it is being chased on the African savannah by a lion, it will look more threatening.
Although That Does Seem To Defeat The Point Of World Travel
When I got to England, there was a lot of snow on the ground and I was exhausted - they sure know how to make a foreign visitor feel at home!
Not Asking How People From The Area Felt About Margaret Thatcher Seemed Like A Wise Move
The cab ride from the Leeds airport to my hotel in Bradford was instructive.
As we drove around a big, fenced off hole in the ground, the cabbie - whose name was Hassan - explained that it was supposed to be a large shopping centre, but that the company that was supposed to have built it couldn't come up with the money. That was a decade ago.
And, I thought, Well, here's a missed opportunity: they should advertise this as a tourist attraction. Most cities with big holes eventually fill them with buildings, but not Bradford! Is 10 years too soon to designate the hole as a heritage site?
Cabbie Hassan explained that the manufacturing base in the area had largely collapsed in the 1980s, leaving it with large pockets of poverty. I responded that I could tell by the number of dollar stores we passed on the drive in. He replied with a non-committal grunt.
It didn't occur to me until much later that you can't have dollar stores in a country whose currency is not the dollar. (They were pound stores.) The ugly Canadian strikes again!
After a pause for thought (or possibly to keep himself from laughing), Cabbie Hassan asked: "Do you like curry?”
"It's okay...” I cautiously replied.
"Leeds is the curry capital of the country!” he enthused. Not only was it easy to get in the area, but something like a third of the curry consumed in Britain was produced there.
And, still, somehow, I managed to avoid it.
The British Anti-stereotype Society Wasn't Thrilled, Either...
My first meal in England was fish and chips. I know, I know, but, like the famous mountain, it was there! As I ate it, I could hear my cardiologist shrieking all the way across the ocean!
I wasn't sure why I was offered white bread with the meal, until I noticed some of the other patrons making a chips sandwich with it. As I watch in fascination, I couldn't help but think, we really are two nations divided by a common cuisine!
Next Year, Easter Needs To Be Held In June
Did you know that England switches to Daylight Savings Time three weeks later than Canada...or the United States...or just about any other civilized nation? That meant I lost a second hour of sleep to enhanced environmental consciousness this year. The things I (involuntarily) do for the planet!
Lime Vodka Collins And Lagers And Beers, Oh My!
Eastercon is a literary science fiction convention; in addition to the writer guest of honour, there were 30 writers listed in the con programme. Oh, and there was alcohol. Everywhere. In the lobby of the hotel. In the green room. In fact, volunteers from the green room delivered alcohol to panellists before their panels started.
I hesitate to suggest what this may say about British science fiction fandom. Or, for that matter, Britons generally. Or, it occurs to me, writers. I will say that it was one of the friendliest cons I've ever been to...
Making Me Feel Right At Home - The Instant Replay
I had to shuttle it from the hotel where I was staying to the hotel where the con was taking place. On one of the trips, I met a woman who, it turned out, was a native Torontonian who had moved to England over a decade earlier. We mostly talked about Rob Ford and Stephen Harper. Don't you just hate it when your work finds you on vacation?
Or, Perhaps They Just Had A Very Small Repertoire
Outside my reading, loud drumming started, soon followed by rhythmic singing. Apparently, Zulu singers were a featured act at the convention. It must have occurred to somebody that the hallway adjacent to rooms where several panels were being held was not the best place to rehearse, as they soon stopped.
It's A British Word...It Just Hasn't Crossed The Ocean Yet...Shakespeare Was British, You Know, And He...He Made Up Lots Of Words!
Talking to people at the convention was a joy: they had such awesome accents! No, wait - they were speaking normally, I was the one with the accent. Awesomer!
And, That May Not Be Such A Bad Thing
Somebody at the con was wearing a t-shirt that read: "Killing minions - is there any problem that it can't solve?” I wanted to create a response t-shirt that read: "Yes. Running out of minions.”
When I suggested this to the person wearing the shirt, he replied, "But, you can't run out of minions. They're an infinitely inexhaustible resource.” Clearly, there is a lot to evil geniusing that I do not know.