by ELAINE SUGARMAN-SWEET-SACCHARINE, Alternate Reality News Service Desserts/Literature Writer
The Leek has sprung a leak - of the credibility kind - and fake journalism may never be the same!
One week ago, the satirical Web site published an article about Sarah Palin creating clones of herself to attend functions that were too boring for her to want to go to. According to the article, Palin explained the clone project - Code Name: Mama Grizzlies Across America - thus: "CPAC? Please! I can't go to just any old event that wants me! I'm too busy strategelizing and stuff for that!"
According to SarahBackPac, if Palin clones could make public appearances in her stead, it would free up her time for the much more important task of determining how to assassinate the characters of Republicans she might have to run against in the 2012 Presidential primaries. As Palin paraphrased that famous philosopher, Barbie: "Campaigning is hard, fer sure."
"A Sarah Palin clone army descending on the country and spreading her own alternate version of English wherever they went," enthused Leek editor Joe Randyozzy, "how could any self-respecting satirical publication pass that by? They couldn't, that's how. It was just too good not to be true!"
Unfortunately, it was true.
The Leek article was a reprint of an article originally published in the Podunk Mash and Enquirer. The Alternate Reality News Service has confirmed from multiple sources that the Podunk Mash and Enquirer is, in fact, one of the few remaining news publications that hasn't gone satirical.
"No, see, it had to be fake," Randyozzy insisted. "This story had the three Ws that all great comic journalism should have: a Wingnut politician, Wacky science and a Weird source. I mean, really: who names their newspaper the Podunk Mash and Enquirer?"
"Actually," said Podunk Mash and Enquirer editor Bellerophon Fluseason, "the Podunk Mash and Enquirer has a long and distinguished history."
Begun in 1879 as the Podunk Potato by east coast spudrepreneur Manxie Madrone, the newspaper almost immediately merged with the Podunk Prospector (a name nobody could understand as there was no mineral wealth in Podunk, West Brattleboro, Danbury North Haven, Kalamazoo or the surrounding area). The Podunk Potato Prospector lasted until 1921, when the title was changed to the Podunk Mash Prospector in a sly reference to Prohibition. This only lasted for three months, at which time the newspaper was bought by infamous dry Faris Yarker, who changed the name to From Liberty's Lips. A couple of years later, "Starkers" Yarker was involved in an unfortunate incident involving too much Coca Cola and too few clothes; pressure was put on him to sell the newspaper by the Legionnaires Disease of Decency. The highest bidder was the blandly named Random Corporation, which merged the Podunk Mash Prospector with another one of its properties, the Decatur Decongestant Picayune, in order to save overhead (flourescent lighting was expensive in those days), resulting in the Podunk Mash Decongestant. Publication of the Podunk Mash Decongestant was suspended for five weeks in 1932 owing to the fear of paper shortages during the Depression. When they didn't materialize, the newspaper started publishing again; however, this experience made the publishers hesitant to suspend publication when real paper shortages arose during World War II. The resulting bad publicity forced the Random Corporation to sell several of its newspapers to
[Okay. That's enough. We get it. Storied history. Larger than life characters. Backdrop of the American experience. Clearly, you know how to use Google. Now, can you please, please, PLEASE get back to the point of the article? My slapping hand is sore from a bizarre bocce brouhaha, but that doesn't mean that I won't use it if you force me to! BB-G]
This is not the first time a satirical news organization has been embarrassed by running an actual news story. Last month, The Day to Day Show with Jon Tudor reported on John Boehner setting his tie on fire as if it were satire, even though it really happened.
"It's a pretty sad day," a red-faced Tudor joked when the mistake was discovered and e-plastered all over the Internet, "when politicians just being themselves are funnier than the comedians who report on them."
At least, we think he was joking.
Why is this happening now? "You can trace it back to the 1970s, when 'entertainment' values started infiltrating newsgathering organizations," explained media theorist, and man who knows how to tell a great baseball yarn, Paul Levinson. "When it became apparent that satirical news was more popular than genuine news, newspapers and TV newscasts flocked to the genre, making the line between what was real and what was making fun of what was real very difficult to discern. As McLuhan said in The Medium is the Messy Age -"
Fortunately, we were able to cut him off before he got carried away with that.
How will the Leek deal with this problem? "We've been peddling fake news for over a decade," said Randyozzy. "I feel confident that we'll be able to weather this crisis with our lack of journalistic integrity intact."