The following is a partial list of the pantheon of digital gods explored in the book Digital Gods: The Promise and Peril of Enterprise Solutions Worship in the Electronic Age. Thanks to Harcourt Brace Jerselfovich for permission to republish this material.
Arrundel: The elder god, who makes electricity jump and guards the vault of the sacred zeroes and ones. It is said he can understand the most complex code just by holding it in his meaty paw. If this is true, he could fix any programme in an instant, but, it is said further, he cannot because of a vow he made never to interfere with the course of human programming destiny. Arrundel (known to some western worshippers as Aaron Dell), has inspired many colourful sayings, including "By the 27 hairs on Arrundel's chin!" and "By the dwarf stars that guide Arrundel's vision!" Although many of the other digital gods are jealous that all of the best oaths invoke his name, none will say so to his sternly lined face.
BuzzKejl: Is the god of digital aggression. He gets his strength from tribes of trolls and spammers who curry his favours with relentless online offerings, although he remains outwardly indifferent to them. BuzzKejl is a shapeshifter who appears different to everyone he meets: some see him as a demon with huge red horns and claws for hands; others see him as a demon in a bespoke suit with an attache case and a cruel smile. Whatever physical aspect he may take on, his eyes are always a living blue screen of death.
The Digital Dreamer: While the other gods of the pantheon are geared towards action, the Dreamer, whose name has been lost to the mists of non-digital memory, sits in a cave contemplating possibilities. Perhaps you would like to develop a wide readership by placing your writing on the Internet? He dreamed that for you. Perhaps you want to become famous by putting a video of your dog barfing up a myna bird on a social networking site? The Digital Dreamer saw that one coming. Be aware, though, that he is committed to the dream, not the achievement of the dream. The Digital Dreamer can be a bit of a prick that way.
Elspeth the Mysterious: She is a small, frail creature cloaked in stars and wearing a succession of masks that have only one thing in common: a single tear dropping from her left eye. Elspeth the Mysterious is said to represent those who do not use digital technology. All of the other gods in the digital pantheon, including the petulant XerXemanXander, the dour BuzzKejl and the positively gloomy Arrundell, make fun of her behind her back. If she notices their sport, she takes no notice of it.
ePik Flayel: Has red hair. Is left-handed. Had correctional surgery for his crossed eyes. He is, of course, the trickster god, the god of mischief. You know that email your boss sent you with crucial information about the project due two days ago that didn't get to you until yesterday? ePik Flayel loves that shit. Wonder why your favourite site stopped accepting your password? This god just wanted to see the look on your face. Stories of ePik Flayel teach us not to take our technologies too seriously. This is a god you can, if you have a mind to, have some fun with: did we mention that he is also the god of digital games?
Gigi: Is the goddess of digital design. She finds beauty in simplicity, and simplicity in beauty. Nobody really knows what this means, but they understand it when they see it. The goddess Gigi delights in elegant back end and navigational design, as well; she is deeper than many mortals give her credit for. If she looks a little harried, it is because she spends far too much time on help lines and far too little time pursuing her own design projects. Do not waste her time with trivial matters! A Gigi enraged is a terrifying vision, indeed.
Hotjax and Linda: Aah, the beautiful twins! Linda, standing tall, dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes. Hotjax, aah, Hotjax! Tall, blond, with curves that attract the eye and refuse to let it go. I want to give them the deed to my house, and I'm just thinking about them; imagine how powerful their actual presence would be! Hotjax and Linda are the twin gods of desire. People assume this means Internet pornography, but that is merely an odd manifestation of a strange cultural bias. Desire also includes online shopping; whenever you're on eBay and bid for an angora sweater three or four times more than what it is actually worth, one of these gods is guiding your hand.
Isadore Patrick Angel Pataki von Flempt: That buzzing you sometimes hear in your eyes? That could well be Isadore Patrick Angel Pataki von Flempt, the god of small things who most often appears in public in the body of a bee. There's no necessary significance to this; he's just always liked bees. Didn't you like certain airborne insects when you were young? You're in no position to judge. Anyway, as computer chips have gotten increasingly small, Isadore Patrick Angel Pataki von Flempt's power has gotten increasingly large. As has his ambition. If nanotechnology ever becomes widespread, this little god could become all-powerful!
Mithsorhitt: They say nobody who has looked upon the face of Mithsorhitt has had their hard drives live to tell the tale. So, umm, obviously, nobody knows what he, she, it or they really looks like. Mithsorhitt is the destroyer of information. When your browser crashes, losing the message you have so painstakingly written, or your entire computer freezes just as you are putting the finishing touches on that vital document, you can almost hear Mithsorhitt's satisfied burp. (It grows louder the less frequently you make back ups.) You would do well not to be angry with the digital god of destruction, though, no matter how great your loss: you wouldn't like him, her, it or them when he, she, it or they were hungry!
Phisysus: Is a giant god with two heads; which of his faces he turns to you depends upon whether you use a Mac or a PC. Because his two heads can rarely agree on anything, Phisysus is the god of self-loathing. Because his two heads imply making choices, when the Dimensional PortalTM made travel between universes possible, this and all of its related technologies were shunted into Phisysus' portfolio. As you might expect, he was of two minds on this subject.
Rory: He doesn't look like much, with his bland round face and hairline receding faster than the polar ice caps. He is soft-spoken and rarely gets flapped. People often mistake him for Stephen Tobolowsky, although without the actor's sexual charisma. Nobody is exactly sure what he brings to the pantheon, since he does not exercise any obvious powers, and, indeed, some of the other gods have long suspected that Rory is a digital god wannabe who got lucky. When they have the time, they will definitely ask Arrundel about him. Yes. They will. Definitely. When they have the time.
XerXemanXander: This god of portable digital devices (including but not limited to cellphones, game players, ebook readers, tablets and other technologies yet to be introduced into the market) has the body of a World Wrestling Whatever winner and the head of a three month old baby. You may be tempted to laugh when you see him. Do not. He has the attention span of a gnat and the temperament of a wounded jackal; XerXemanXander wants his new toy, and if he doesn't get it NOW, there will be hell to pay! If you are still inclined to laugh, consider this: when computer chips are implanted directly into our brains, XerXemanXander will be in our heads...