Thank you, Siamese P. Troglodyte, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we read about the man in the Netherlands who rented a crane to descend in front of his girlfriend's balcony and propose to her, but put a hole in the roof of her neighbour's house when it toppled over. To add insult to injury, the crane that was supposed to right the toppled crane also fell over, completing the wreckage of the roof and causing the evacuation of that and three other houses in the area. And, we thought, If you cause lots of property damage proposing to a woman, and she still says yes, she's a keeper!
Enjoy,As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 1)
R. A. Montgomery has died.
If you want to know what he is best known for, go to paragraph 3.SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Something Tells Me That Couch Gets A Lot Of Use...
Last night, I went to see a preview of Selma, about the March in Alabama that led legislation supporting the Voters' Rights Act in 1965. I learned a lot. Like, Martin Luther King bagged his own garbage. I asked my boyfriend how come a preacher who was busy winning rights for his people could find the time to bag garbage, but a part-time waiter wannabe playwright couldn't. He suggested that maybe I was taking the wrong lesson from the film. I reminded him that he always said that different people get different things out of art, and that that was okay. He said we may just have to agree to disagree on this one.
So, that's what we're doing. Tonight, he can agree to disagree with me on the couch!
SOURCE: Jennifer's Brain Blorts
[http://weblogger.brainblorts.home.html]
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As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 2)
No cause was given for his death.
If you want to know how successful his publishing company was, go to paragraph 4.SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Ontario has passed a law allowing doctors to deny birth control prescriptions, abortions or vasectomies to patients as long as they refer them to another physician. The practice is now for one anti-abortion physician to refer a patient to another one, and, when he refuses treatment, he simply refers the patient back to the first doctor.
It's called ping pong treatment.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2014/11/28/309726.html]
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As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 3)
Montgomery was the co-founder of a publishing house called Vermont Crossroads Press, which put out the Choose Your Own Adventure series of interactive books.
If you want to know what he died of, go to paragraph 2.SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Do You Think It Might Have Affected The Grand Jury's Decision If, You Know, They Had Been Given The Chance To Hear It?
The cop who killed Eric Garner called his union rep and spoke to him for five minutes before he called for an ambulance. That must have been an awkward conversation.
"Hey - what's up?"
"Oh, you know. I think I tore my rotator cuff, and it's playing hell with my golf game."
"I hear you. I was having troubles with my knee last year, and I couldn't hit a straight drive to save my life. Something about setting off my balance. Anything else?"
"My oldest kid beat somebody up in school last week."
"I'm sure it was justified, but have him read the Criminal Code, especially the section on penalties for violent behaviour. Anything else?"
"Not that I can think of..."
"Why did you call?"
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot: I just choked a black suspect and he may be dead."
"Did you call an ambulance?"SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/im-all-for-unions-but-12-02-14]
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As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 4)
The Choose Your Own Adventure series is made up of 230 titles that have collectively sold more than 250 million copies around the world.
If you want to know what he died of, go to paragraph 2.SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Oh, And Did The Consultant Warn You About What Would Happen When You Gave A Larger Voice To Your Readers?
Canada Questions Our Answers
QUESTION: Is a 24 hour sports channel grounds for divorce?
ANSWER: Look. We've already told you once: we're not touching that one. Not with a ten foot pole. Not with a neutered and housetrained tsetse fly! Not with a letter of permission from the Prime Minister himself! Not gonna happen, okay? So, stop asking!
QUESTION: I understand. Still, is a 24 hour sports channel grounds for divorce?
ANSWER: GAAAAAACK!
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20120102.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsOops2012/]
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As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 5)
Montgomery was 78 years old.
If you want to know what he is best known for, go to paragraph 3.SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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When All Else Fails, Point Seven Works Wonders
Republican talking points on the Senate report on torture:
1. It's completely false, just a Democratic smear job.
2. Okay, some of what was written in the report may have been true, but the Democrats are hypocrites because for denouncing it now because they were fully briefed on the torture from the start.
3. Okay, the Democrats were not fully briefed on the abuse at any time, but they should have known that the CIA was lying to Congress about the extent of the torture programme because that's what the CIA does.
4. The torture got us important intel that stopped other terrorist attacks, and I would rather torture a few innocent foreigners than allow a single American to die in a terrorist attack. Wait - that didn't come out quite right...
5. Well, okay, I'm not allowed to tell you what terrorist attacks on American soil were thwarted by the torture of innocent foreigners, but it got us more useful information than not torturing them would have. And, you can't prove otherwise. Nyah nyah!
6. You don't like it? Why don't you try living in Saudi Arabia? No, wait - they're our allies. Well, try living in...Berkschmanastan. Is that even a country? Okay, look: the point is that there are places in the world where the government routinely tortures its own people. If we only torture foreigners only a small amount of the time, you're much better off living here than there.
7. Fuck off.
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-379cahs01.html]
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As Kierkegaard Truly Said: Life Can Only Be Understood Backwards, But It Must Be Lived All Jumbled Up (Paragraph 6)
Montgomery is survived by his wife, Shannon Gilligan, a son from his first marriage, Anson, and two granddaughters.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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