Once Upon a Headline...

1. Bullet To The Head!
2. Bullet To The Head!
3. Hesitate, And You're Dead!

"The keys to staying alive in a zombie market" - Globe and Mail

When Did City Council Become A Charles Atlas Ad?

"AINSLIE SHOULD MAN UP
...instead of crying because 'Mayor Meanie' kicked sand in his face" - Toronto Sun

They're So Good They Could Drop A Whistleblower At 500 Documents

"OIL PIPELINE CONTROVERSY
How fast can they spot a leak?" - Toronto Star

Skips Dinner And Flowers To Get To The "Good Part"

"Flaherty date with economists sets stage for fall update" - Globe and Mail

Filipinos Are Raising Funds To Help You Deal With It

"Keystone XL denial would be a 'tragedy'
TransCanada executive warns against rail for oil transport" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, The Tea Party Isn't Good At Recognizing People's Best Interests - Even Their Own

"The theocracy has reason to negotiate" - Globe and Mail

You See - [Scribble Scribble] - Give Me - Just Give Me A Second, Will You? - [Scribble Scribble] There! You See? It Says So Right...Here!

"Drone strikes in Pakistan 'lawful,' U.S. insists" - Toronto Star

And, Here I Thought They Were Descendants Of Feral Unicorns - Isn't Science Amazing?

"Yeti may be a descendant of prehistoric polar bears, DNA analysis determines" - Toronto Star

If He Knew Without Being Told, Does That Mean The President Is...Psychic?

"Obama was not told of spying: official" - Globe and Mail

 "Obama knew of spying, paper says" - Toronto Star

 Unless It Isn't
Ask Us Again In Two Years...

"Canada-EU deal truly historic" - Toronto Sun

And Its Counterpart: Wombats, Oil Derricks Or Blunt Scissors?

"The advice conundrum: All, none or some?" - Globe and Mail

When It Arrives, Bomb Gets Drunk And Throws Up All Over The Cake

"Bomb kills 18 on way to wedding" - Toronto Sun

We Just Aren't Going To Tell You How

"Transparency is key to rejuvenating public engagement" - Toronto Star

Next Halloween, Expect Revenue Canada Agents To Knock On Your Door Disguised As Revenue Canada Agents

"This Halloween, disguise your capital losses as your spouse's" - Globe and Mail

 So, That's How Money Becomes Dirty!
Do I Want To Know How It becomes Sexy...?

"Air pollution? Throw money at it" - Toronto Sun

And A Good "InterPet Flibble ogle P.B. JLY" To You, Too!

"AltaGas, Idemitsu eye B.C. LNG" - Globe and Mail

It's Hip! It's Happening! It's...A Really bad Idea!

"Hudson's Bay to open Haitian pop-up shop
Partnership with Brandaid seeks to 'rebrand poverty'" - Toronto Star

There's Always A Catch!

"A bright future ahead, if Canada invests in modernization" - Globe and Mail

It's Hard To Get A Full Portrait When The Only Colour You Use Is White

"Harper paints himself as an outsider" - Globe and Mail

Not That We're - You Know - Thinking Of Anybody In Particular...

"Urge heavy drinker to get aid" - Toronto Star

Rovenomics 101

"Markets are partying like its 1999
But there are signs things are getting carried away as valuations lose touch with reality" - Globe and Mail

If It Did, Wouldn't Your Headline Be Much Different?

"Does e-mail trail reach premier?" - Toronto Sun

Even If Corporations Are People, They Still Can't Get Herpes?

"The bright side of a failed takeover" - Globe and Mail

I'm Sorry - You Expect Me To Compete With THAT?

"Sinead to Miley: stop licking sledgehammers" - Toronto Star

Or: 10 Reasons To Toss Proust Into A Ditch

"Madeleines and memory: 10 reasons to love Proust" - Toronto Star

 "The book-quitters manifesto" - Globe and Mail

Plans To Run For Tea Party In 2014

"New breed of dinosaur discovered in Utah" - Toronto Star

What If I'm Happy And I Just Want A, You Know, Book?

"Indigo falls as dividend disappears
Investors aren't waiting for next chapter after management puts payout on hold to fund bookseller's transition to 'lifestyle' focus" - Globe and Mail

Just Remember: If You Cannot Find A Job, You're A Lazy Bastard Without Marketable Skills

"Rogers lays off television and magazine staff" - Globe and Mail

 "Bell Media cutting dozens of jobs after Astral buy" - Globe and Mail

 "Encana cuts deep in massive shakeup
Company to slash 20 per cent of work force, focus on oil and liquids-rich gas projects" - Globe and Mail

 "Toronto Star to outsource advertising
Newspaper will lay off from 75 to 100 employees" - Toronto Star

 "Green Mountain Coffee to cut 120 jobs" - Toronto Star

 "Sears Canada outsourcing jobs
Some of the work going to India as the axe falls on 245 workers" - Toronto Star

 "Loblaw to reduce work force by 275 employees" - Globe and Mail

 "Yellow Media phasing out 300 jobs" - Toronto Star

 "Tribune to cut 700 print publishing jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "Kellogg to cut 2,000 jobs" - Toronto Star

 "Thomson Reuters to cut 3,000 jobs" - Toronto Star

 "BlackBerry slashes workforce
Company to axe 4,5000 staff in wake of $1-billion quarterly loss" - Toronto Star

 "Blackberry lays off 300 more employees" - Toronto Star

 "Merck to cut 8,500 jobs, narrow research focus" - Globe and Mail

When Buyers Can Only Afford A Downpayment In Cashews...

"How to predict the end of Canada's housing boom" - Globe and Mail

Too Late For NHL To Bring Back Culture Of Talent

"No rush to change culture of fighting" - Toronto Star

It's The Tough Kind

"Alberta's real oil problem? Too much love" - Globe and Mail

 "Eastern pipeline plans face new hurdles
Ontario, Quebec launch public hearings into controversial projects designed to open new export possibilities for Alberta oil - Globe and Mail

The Sun, On The Other Hand, Is Not Media - We're The Soap Bubble That Waves The Porch Light

"Media push agenda, not truth" - Toronto Sun