Headlines Would Tell You if Your Fly was Undone
(Unless You'd Been a Dick, In Which Case You'd Be on Your Own)

And It's All The Fault Of The Harper Government Of Canada!
What? If They Can Take Credit For Job Gains...

"Canada loses 28,900 jobs in April" - Toronto Star

Killing Him With Your Bare Hands Is Much More Satisfying

"Leadership means not shooting the messenger" - Globe and Mail

Frontrunner For Most Obvious Headline Of Year

"Japan's Radiation Evacuees Are Reluctant to Return" - New York Times

 The Rich Will Survive On Their Yachts
Governments Will Debate Subsidizing Rafts For Everybody Else

"What's the climate backup plan?" - Toronto Star

 What Do You Mean "How Do Workers Feel About It?"
If Labour Wants Its Point Of View Told, Let It Get Its Own Section!

"Shoppers deal leaves Loblaw fighting union headache" - Globe and Mail

Said Dating Scene Not Much Different From Local Clubs

"Activist lived in tree for years" - Toronto Star

Oh, Stop! My Head Is Spinning Like A Top!

"Can GameStop stay on top of its game?" - Globe and Mail

Like The Ceeb Hasn't Been The Subject Of Enough Talk Already?

"A late night talk show might just be what the CBC needs" - Toronto Star

Are You Referring To Ukraine?

"Bear attack victim on the mend" - Toronto Sun

 Bite Your Tongue!
Speak For Yourself!
But, Uhh, Obviously, Not At The Same Time...

"Our Rob Ford problem: We forgive him - Globe and Mail

 Tropical Diseases Always Play Hard To Get
Next Time, Try Flowers AND Chocolates

"Cholera Is Resisting Solutions in Haiti" - New York Times

 Sure It Is!
Pro-choicers Won't Force Pregnant Men To Have Abortions...

"Pro-choice? That's no-choice" - Globe and Mail

Conservatives Hide Theirs In Omnibus Bills And Hope Nobody Notices Them Until Long After They Become Law

"Liberals cling to bad public policies" - Toronto Sun

I Probably Shouldn't Mention Your Radio Show, Then...

"'The only thing I hate is mediocrity'" - Globe and Mail interview with Alice Cooper

Newspaper Parodised On World Wide Web

"Parodies pile up on social media
Wynne and Hudak satired in attack videos on YouTube, fake Twitter accounts" - Toronto Star

Oscar?

"Who could be grouchy in such a paradise?" - Toronto Star

You Had Me All The Way Until The Dash

"Senate reform is still possible - if leaders work together" - Globe and Mail

Don't Suck On That Tail Pipe, Hand Me The Future

"Time Running Out For Emission Cuts" - New York Times

Don't Listen?

"How to protect yourself from bad advisers" - Globe and Mail

At Least They're Currency...

"HEADS YOU WIN, TAILS YOU LOSE
Hudak says Liberals, NDP are two sides of the same coin" - Toronto Sun

So Much For "Fundamentals"

"Bullish analyst calls can spell doom for U.S. stocks" - Globe and Mail

It's About Time He Decided To Govern On Behalf Of Every Canadi - Oh, Wait - You're Not Talking About OUR Prime Minister, Are You?

"UKRAINE CRISIS
PM pledges dialogue with easterners" - Globe and Mail

That Bailout Sure Was Worth Every Penny, Boy!

"Ford recalls more than 692,000 SUVs, hybrids" - Toronto Star

 "Chrysler to recall 870,000 SUVs over brake defect" - Toronto Star

 "GM recalls 778,562 cars after defect proves fatal
Faulty ignition switches in Chevrolet Cobalt, Pontiac G5 models linked to six deaths" - Toronto Star

 "GM to recall 1.5 million cars in China over fuel-pump problem" - Globe and Mail

 "GM recalls another 1.5 million vehicles
Reports of engine fires, airbag issues prompt auto maker to take a $300-million charge" - Globe and Mail

 "GM recalls another 1.5 million vehicles
Issues with the electric power-steering represents a blow to a company already dealing with fallout over its ignition switches" - Globe and Mail

 "GM recalls another 2.9 million vehicles
U.S. on track to break record as automakers move quicker to fix issues following backlash" - Toronto Star

He Has A Fool For A Publicist

"Rapper represents himself at trial" - Toronto Star

Talk About Getting A Taste Of Your Own Medicine!

"Fight for control of Allergan heats up as both sides in Valeant bid trade shots" - Globe and Mail

Dictatorships Are Cheaper, But I Look Terrible In The Uniform!

"Vote to cost taxpayers up to $90M" - Toronto Sun

Too Busy Spooning Knorr - You Know THAT'S Hot!

"Campbell cuts sales forecast as U.S. soup sales cool off" - Globe and Mail

Or...Or...Or The Economy Will Hold Its Breath Until Its Face Turns Blue!

"Firms must invest in job creation" - Toronto Star

Our Government's Impeccable Timing Once Again On Display

"Ottawa opens four trade offices in China" - Globe and Mail

 "U.S. pursues China over cyberspying" - Globe and Mail

Canada Is In Worse Shape Than I Thought!

"Lentils a source of Canadian pride" - Toronto Star

The Very Inanity Of That Statement Makes It Silly

"'The very irrelevancy of Cannes makes it valuable'" - Globe and Mail

"That's Not Very Christian!" Followers Cry

"Pope urges shifting of wealth to the poor" - Toronto Star

Even If Everybody Knows That This Is Nowhere?

"Odds are, he's somewhere" - Toronto Sun

 Don't You Mean "Bad Policies Supported By Dubious Data?"
Causality's A Bitch

"McKenna: Foreign-workers program a case of bad data leading to dubious policies" - Globe and Mail