Headlines are the Envy of Fashionistas Everywhere

Netanyahu Responds: "Feel Free To Hold Your Breath"

"UN chief criticizes Israel on settlements
Ban urges Netanyahu to show 'leadership' in pursuing peace" - Toronto Star

Sounds Like A Law Firm - The Kind That Defends Drug Dealers And Wall Street Bankers...

"Barrick: Investors displeased despite company's third quarter results" - Globe and Mail

 "Carrick: Get rid of debt first" - Globe and Mail

 "Duhatschek: Oilers still haven't beaten a team from the west" - Globe and Mail

Anybody Keeping Track Of How Many Times?

"Global community has failed Africa" - Toronto Star

Not To Any HE Uses, Anyway

"Tory promises no service cuts" - Toronto Sun

You May Already Be A Hacker's Victim And Not Even Know It!

"Hackers may be spying for Russia, report finds" - Toronto Star

"Retailers prepare for hack attack
Recent malware breaches have stores increasing security breach" - Toronto Star

 "Phone-hacking scandal offers a cautionary tale" - Toronto Star

 "Hackers attack Apple's iCloud site in China" - Globe and Mail

 "Staples investigates possible data breach" - Toronto Star

 "Hackers nab Dairy Queen customers' payment data
So-called Backoff malware affects 395 U.S. locations" - Toronto Star

 "JPMorgan confirms data breach affected 76 million households" - Globe and Mail

 "Thousands of Snapchat users victims of hack" - Toronto Star

 "FBI issues warning on Chinese hackers
Experts linked to Beijing targeting tech companies to steal secrets bureau says" - Toronto Star

 "HOME DEPOT HACK
Emails captured in privacy breach
Passwords not at risk, but customers cautioned against possible phishing scams" - Toronto Star

Sorry - I Wasn't Paying Attention. I Was Trying To Hear What Some Guy Was Saying Was The Biggest Threat To Democracy...

"What's the big threat to democracy? Distraction? - Toronto Star

New Zealand Responds: "What Did We Ever Do To You That You Would Do Something Like That To Us?"

"Canada backs New Zealand's Security Council bid" - Globe and Mail

African Bull Water Tanks Can Be Especially Dangerous - Don't Trust Them In China Shops!

"Beware of aggressive water tank tactics" - Toronto Star

And Silent Prayer: "Please Don't Hurt Us"

"Serbia celebrates Putin with parade and decoration" - Toronto Star

For The Market, OR FOR THE HUMAN RACE?

"Looking at Ebola stocks? It may be too late" - Globe and Mail

But Reality Will Catch Up With The Neocons Eventually...

"Groupthink reinforces radical views" - Toronto Star

How Can You Stay Home If Going Home Is Not An Option?

"When it comes to IPOs, go big or stay home" - Globe and Mail

 Before Investing, Take A Hit From A Bong?
No? Oh! So That's What I'm Doing Wrong!

"Do you sell, buy or sit tight?
It pays to play market right" - Toronto Star

Fortunately, Our News Hole Is Increasingly Filled By Columns, Otherwise We Would Be Publishing Very Thin Newspapers...

"In the era of instant news, certainty must be our guide" - Globe and Mail

Nothing Like A Well Deployed Hockey Stick To Fend Off Barbarian Hordes

"Hockey stands on guard for thee" - Toronto Star

Who Are You Calling A Backwater? For Your Information, Canada Has Plenty Of Front And Side Water, Too!

"Backwater must now learn constant vigilance" - Times of London

Extraneous Headline Letterosis - Please Give Generously So We May Find A Cure!

"Littles Machines captures carefree tune of Lights rejoicing in life" - Toronto Star

 Lead Guitars Prove Ineffective
Deployment Of Bass Guitars Still Being Studied

"Pop stars band together to battle Ebola" - Toronto Star

Insured Not Exactly Focused, Either...

"Insurers unready for climate shift: study" - Globe and Mail

No, But Feel Free To Pontificate As To Why We Can Or You'll Have A Very Short Column

"Can we preserve our ideals amid endless war on terror?" - Toronto Star

No, It's Not The Obvious One - That Would Make For A Very Short Column

"Earnings too good to be true? Here's one reason for that" - Globe and Mail

Vegas Not Bothering To Calculate Odds Of Whose Values Will Win

"Tragedy pits Canadian values against America's" - Toronto Star

 "That syncing feeling
Canada, U. S. must work together: Obama" - Toronto Sun

The Doubled Preposition Is Used To Indicate Emphasis - Or An Inattentive Copy Editor...

"PM, Wynne break ice after after Hill attack" - Toronto Star

Because Sanity Whispers And Fear Shouts

"We can't let the politics of fear prevail" - Toronto Star

 "WHY FEAR WILL WIN" - Toronto Star

It Should Serve As Practice For The Much Harder Job Of Teaching Canadians

"Teaching immigrants to endure - even embrace - Canadian winters" - Globe and Mail

Having Waited 27 Years For This Quote, Headline Writer Can Now Retire Fulfilled

"Canadian Tire 'on a roll right now'" - Toronto Star

They Were Too Blinded By Their Haloes To Notice The Omission...

"Approved harassment protocol didn't cover MPs, staff" - Globe and Mail

Ah, If Only It Was That Eas - What? He's Gone? I...I Hope You Only Use That Power For Good...

"Del Mastro must go" - Toronto Star

 It Might Be Possible...If There Was A Bus Crash That Killed Three Quarters Of The Councillors
Of course, That Would Create A Very Different Crisis

"City's transit crisis calls for a united front" - Toronto Star