Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I laughed my ass off when I read about the NSA tracking the porn viewing habits of suspected terrorist organization leaders. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Not to worry - my ass is detachable, so I just had to snap it back into place.) Hee hee ho ho ha ha oink! You're supposed to get your virgins after you die, hypocritical jerk daddy! Try to explain that to the next guy you want to carry a suicide bomb for your cause! Hah!
But, the laughter quickly died in my throat, not unlike that goldfish when - well. No point in rehashing every college prank I was ever involved with. The point is that I realized that, if American spooks were able to track the porn viewing habits of terrorists, what was to stop them from tracking the porn viewing habits of you, me or anybody else? But, primarily me?
Should I be worried? Because, honestly, I don't think monk's robes will show off my boyish figure to its best advantage.
Sincerely,Yo, Arns (no relation),
In this world there are two types of men: those who admit to enjoying porn online and liars. Oh, okay, and Mormons. Three - there are three types of men. And, I shouldn't forget blind people who can't see porn and aren't turned on by Braille - so, four. There are four types of men. Oh, and my Uncle Morty, who really believed he would get hairy palms and who hated shaving - he was a little naive, my Uncle Morty. So, when it comes to online porn there are five types of men.
But, uhh, what I'm really getting at is that a the vast majority of men enjoy Internet porn.
The problem is that nobody feels comfortable talking about how much they enjoy porn on the Internet, so the activity has developed a stigma. (No, not that's not a religious reference, although if that's what turns you on, who am I to judge?) If we all acknowledged our Internet porn consumption, the NSA trying to use it to have power over us would be just so much pissing in the wind. (And, if that's what turns you on, I may have to reassess the whole not judging thing.)
Somebody has to start the conversation, so let me tell you a little bit about my online porn interests.
I like to start with Les European Maidchen, because foreign women are so much more exotic, especially Germans in business suits licking each other's BMWs. (That's not a euphemism...I think...) The mix of languages can be a bit hard to follow (they probably should have had separate pages for each language), but, honestly, who goes to a porn site to read? Mistress Germaine's whip collection speaks its own magical language!
Like many men, I am partial to the Girls with Eyepatches Web site, because, come on! Female pirates are sexy! "Aaaaaar, matey, would ye like ta mizzen me topsails?" Would I? I don't have a clue what that means, but I'm still willing to dish out $1.99 a minute just thinking about it!
I sometimes spend time on the Classy Sassy Chassis Web site. You know the one: it's where women in formal evening wear that shows off their voluptuous figures insult you as they slowly take it off. (And you thought this was a tribute to J. G. Ballard!) It may not sound that exciting, but CSC has a great search engine, including searching through the girls by levels of vituperation, senses of humour and tattoos.
Then, there is the Good Golly, Miss Molly Web site. You might not think that a porn site devoted to women named Molly would be very interesting, but my private parts beg to differ!
And, we mustn't forget F.L.I.R.T. (which stands for Ferking Libertinage Is Really Terrific - sorry for the frank language, but it's unavoidable when discussing this subject). At any given time, there may be as many as 1,000 cams in operation on the site - if you can't find something you like, you must be dead! Or, a mormon. Or, my Uncle Morty. Okay, there may be six types of men, but I really have to cut it off there. If you go to F.L.I.R.T., be sure to check out the rotoscope room!
I could go on, but nobody likes a show-off. And, err, anyway, the point has been made. So, I've done my part by admitting to the porn I look at online. Now, if everybody else will do the same, using it will completely lose its stigma.The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: All you had to say was that you look at Internet porn, you know. You didn't have to detail every site you go to the way The Tech Answer Guy stupidly did!