Ask The Tech Answer Guy How to Play the Game [ARNS]

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Girls are poopyheads who spoil everything! This is a scientific fact, and you can't argue with science because, you know, science. Poopyheads should not be allowed to review computer games. Girls simply do not have the intellectual capacity to appreciate, much less evaluate, how next generation console architecture makes arterial sprays from newly headless bodies ultra-realistic! Science, because science.

To be clear: I'm not saying this because I hate poopyheads. I'm saying this because I have a deep concern for journalistic ethics. Of which poopyheads, by definition, have none of.

Yo, PP,

You make a good point. Boys should able to play computer games without worrying about shoddy journalism from female (calling them girls may be belittling if they are no longer young enough to be properly described by the term - let's be mature about this) poopyheads.

I'm not a reviewer, but I have to ask: why shouldn't girls be allowed to review computer games? We can be just as good at playing them as boys, and we have every right to have fun as boys. And, if girls can play games, certainly girls can review games or write critical articles about games. Heck, girls can even be designer/programmers who start their own companies to develop computer games. The games community could use a little more estrogen, if you know what I mean.

Yo, Tamster,

I'm not sure if he games community could handle additional estrogen - wouldn't it and the testosterone annihilate each other like matter and antimatter? Other than that, you make a good point. There is no inherent reason (other, perhaps, than hormonal physics) why women cannot do all of the things you suggest.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Girls cannot be computer game developers because...because...because they can't add! Arrrrrrggggghhhh! In fact, we don't even know if girls understand the concept of numbers. Gggggjjjjjjjjjsss! A poll I conducted of all of the men in my office clearly shows that 80 per cent of people think that women are incapable of creating computer games, and the other 20 per cent is a pussy! Aaaaaaaaack! Ggggnnnnnaaaaaaash! Until there's a computer game about kitchens, women can [OBSCENITY DELETED] well stay in one in the real world!

Yo, Pissy Petey,

I...uhh...yeah. I'm not sure how to respond to -

The Tech Answer Guy


Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

I'm not a game developer, either, but I have to say, I don't really see how trashing female game developers furthers the cause of journalistic ethics. And, what's wrong with women creating computer games? More developers means more choice in games, and choice is always good, right?

Yo, Tam Tam,

Yeah, I can see why you would think th -

Grrrrrrrr aaaaaaaarrrrrgh schmeckle grrrrraaaaaack! Girl writer bad! Froth froth froth. Know where girl writer lives! [OBSCENITY DELETED] [OBSCENITY REPEATED] Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Buuuuuurp! Rape and pillage! Rape and pillage! [OBSCENITY REPEATED] Rape! Rape! Rape! Pillage! Pillage! Grrrrrrrr!

Yo, Uhh, You,

Oh! Uhh, that wasn't, umm cool. You - you - you -

Eep!

Yo, Tammy,

I, uhh, completely understand why, err, why you...you would...

The Tech Answer Guy

[Tech Answer Guy, you've lost control of the column. Hit the showers - I'll take over from here.]

But, Brenda, I -

[Don't force me to make you cry. Because I can. And, I will.]

Okay, Brenda. Sorry, Brenda.

[Now, Pissant Pete, you. Congratulations! You've won the Alternate Reality News Service Asshat of the Month, an award I just made up in your honour! You don't promote ethics in journalism by threatening the well-being of people who practice it. That don't scan! It just don't make sense! Ditto for promoting excellence in game design! You -]

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Why should I listen to anything you have to say? You're just a [OBSCENITY DELETED] girl! Probably not even worth [OBSCENITY REPEATED], but still a girl.

Pissant Pete from Palookaville

[Yo, aptly named Pete. Don't force me to track you down and make you cry. Because I can. And, I will.

Have I ever told you Brenda's Inverse Proportion Masculinity Rule? The size of a boy's penis is inversely proportional to the amount of bile he anonymously spews on the Internet. By this rule, you probably couldn't find your dick without a microscope!]

Yo, Tech Answer Guy,

Eep!

Pissant Pete from Palookaville

[Exactly.]

If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: EDITRIX-IN-CHIEF BRENDA BRUNDTLAND-GOVANNI SAYS: Threats of physical violence against somebody we disagree with are never okay. And, if you don't accept that principle, I will slap you so hard you will have eyes and a nose on the back of your head!