Thank you, E. Van Jellicol, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, white men were asked to share their toys. They appealed to mom and dad court, but the courts said that it was only fair to the other children for white men to share their toys. Not all of their toys, mind you; they could still keep their favourite toys for themselves. Not even a majority of their toys, either; on average, they still had more toys than people of colour or women. But, white men didn't want to share their toys with anybody else, any of their toys, not a single one, not even the ones they didn't like or never played with, so they threw a collective temper tantrum, stamping their feet and shaking their fists and crying about how unfair the world was to them.
And, that, children, is how fascist governments are born.
Enjoy,Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu could hardly conceal his excitement last week on hearing the news that neo-Nazis had gained power in they US Presidential election. He welcomed neo-Nazis as "true friends of Israel."
Well, okay, actually, Netanyahu said that about the election of Donald Trump. I was just cutting out the middleman.
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2016Nov14.html]
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"Looks Like I Picked A Bad Time To Renounce My Conservatism," Glenn Beck Moaned
So, Donald Trump has put an alt right racist in a key position of his White House transition team. I would say shoot me now, but, being Jewish, the new government might take me seriously.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Figuring Nobody Would Notice, He Started A New Account Under The Name The Real Schmonald Schmump
CLAIM: When Twitter suspended the accounts of members of the alt-right movement, one of the accounts they closed down belonged to Donald Trump.
FALSE: Donald Trump actually stopped posting to Twitter because his closest advisers told him they would quit if he didn't give it a rest.
SOURCE: S'Tropes
[http://www.stropes.com/did-twitter-suspend-donald-trump-for-being-a-member-o-the-alt-right/]
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Get One For Somebody You're About To Defriend On Facebook Today!
SOURCE: T-dot ts
[http://t-dotts/store/new]
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The Fact That It Is Also Known As A Whisky Jack May Have Had Something To Do With It...
After a two year search, the Royal Canadian Geographical Society has chosen the grey jay as Canada's national bird. The grey jay is, well, gray. It has some white in it. It's call isn't very distinctive. It isn't the mascot of a major sports team and it never saved Timmy when he fell down a well. So, why did the Royal Canadian Geographical Society choose it?
"We schuss...we joosh...swoosh slimy grrrrrrr," Royal Canadian Geographical Society Administrative Secretary Nige...Nige...Ni Faaaaaaahqua - qua - qua - qua - qua... explained before curling up in a comfortable chair in front of a cozy fire in Society headquarters and falling fast asleep.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1064H3EC-2C145-20K5-AAA1582614B71253]
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He Is Also Considering Asking The OED To Change The Word "Hurt" to "Himt"
How sexist is Donald Trump? The other night, he complained that Ben Hur should be changed to Ben Hym.
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/maonologue-11-12-16]
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Reparations Preparations
Carl Higbie, a prominent supporter of president-elect Donald Trump, has cited the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II as a legal justification for creating a national registration list "for immigrants from Muslim countries."
"Look, the president needs to protect America first," he told an increasingly journalistically competent Megan Kelly on Fox News, "and if that means having people that are not protected under our Constitution have some sort of registry so we can understand, until we can identify the true threat and where it's coming from, I support it."
If this proposal is pushed by the Trump administration, we hope that it will come with a substantial sum of money to start a fund now so that the US government will have the cash to pay reparations to Muslim families 60 years from now. With a little foresight, at least we don't have to saddle a future generation with that debt.
SOURCE: The Podunk Mash & Enquirer
[http://www.podunkmash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49882-2016Nov15.html]
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Parts of a main street in Fukuoka, Japan collapsed, creating a massive sinkhole and cutting off power, water and gas to parts of the city. Muddy underground water flowed into the hole, which appeared in the city's busy Hakata district, a major business and entertainment hub.
Almost immediately, tourists flocked to the hole, thinking that it had been made by Godzilla.
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2016/11/14/509727.html]
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Not A Week After The Election, And The Disappointmenting Begins
Donald Trump has told a Fox News reporter that his election promise to build a wall along the American border with Mexico was too ambitious. "Nope. Silly idea. Can't do it. Not practical."
Instead, his government is going to build a speed bump.
"We may not be able to stop the rapists and murderers from entering our country," Trump commented, "but at least we can slow the losers down."
He insists that the Mexican government will pay for the speed bump, but there still appears to be no mechanism by which that can happen. "Oh, you'll see," Trump said with a twinkle in his eye. "Trust me."
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2016Nov15.html]
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NAFTA...And Afta
In the aftermath of Donald Trump winning the presidential election, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced that he would be willing to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA).
During the press conference where he made the announcement, a senior aide leaned over and whispered, "You do know that the idea that beavers gnaw off their own testicles when confronted with a larger adversary is a myth, do you not, sir?"
Trudeau smiled and cheerfully responded, "Wow. Ministerial briefings leave out all of the most important details, don't they?"
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20161112.eladvote1112_@/BNStory/newsOops2016/]
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