Thank you, Lupe Lindsay, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, our doctor advised us that we weren't getting enough iron in our diet. So, we resolved to eat more Kelvinator products...
Enjoy,
This proves that Donald Trump is a cartoon character.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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The Henny Youngman Approach Would Have Saved So Many Words...So...Many...Words...
Upon hearing this bit of deplorableness from House Speaker Paul Ryan, the first thing I thought of was Oliver Twist walking up to the leader of the workhouse, empty bowl in hand, timidly asking, "Please, sir, I want some more...dignity." And, of course, the response would be: "Shut up! You're getting more gruel, you ungrateful wretch! Your dignity be stuffed!"
Dickens really understood what need does to people psychologically.
My second thought was to wonder if the 4.5 million Donald Trump voters who will lose their health insurance when the Republicans repeal the Affordable Care Act will be grateful to get their dignity back, even if it means not being able to get that hip replaced or that spleen ectomied. But, yeah, if Doctor Trump tells them that there's nothing wrong with them, and that the pain they're feeling isn't real, I suspect that most of them will be okay with it.
My third thought was of reports that Eloise Anderson hadn't actually witnessed the scene Ryan claims, that she heard it from a friend who...heard it from a friend who...heard it from a friend that you were messing around. It would appear - sorry. I got caught in an REO Speedwagon moment, there. The point is, the story at the heart of Ryan's argument was highly embellished, if not entirely made up. It would appear that - ahem - estrangement from the truth is catching.
My fourth thought was: holy fregolis, I think too much about this stuff!
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Success Requires So Many Factors To Gel...
Dev PatelSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/732.html]
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Bad Call, But It Was His To Take
After getting a call from President-elect Donald Trump to thank him for his support during the election campaign, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte said that he "felt like a saint."
What wasn't reported about the call was that Duterte hated the feeling, and vowed to slaughter even more citizens to try and rid himself of it.
SOURCE: Disassociated Press
[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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They Passed The Bill In A Heartbe - Really Short Amount Of Time...
Ohio state legislators have passed a law that bans abortions later than the point where modern technology can detect that a fetus has an independent heartbeat, which is often five to six weeks into a pregnancy. Unfortunately, this is before most women even know that they are pregnant. Sorry about your luck. Next time, try to be born into a species with a different reproductive biology.
"This is obviously a ploy to force poor women to have children," complained ACLU-Ohio representative Monie Havgainer. "After all, rich women can just hop into their time machines and prevent themselves from conceiving!"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=30192647724641314043fx]
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Like It Or Lump It
Donald Trump is the reverse Santa Claus. Everybody on his nice list is getting coal for Christmas this year...
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/dunking-monologues-11-26-16]
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Gays Have New Reason To Be Pence-ive
Malta has become the first country in Europe to ban gay conversion therapy.
In response, Vice President-elect Mike Pence asked, "Is Malta in NATO? Because, you know, it would be a shame to be forced to invade an ally because of their insane politics!"
SOURCE: Down to the Newswire
[http://www.downtothenewswire.pl/1/11/Artykul/200235,Special-Dis-Spence-ation]
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The Implications Are Positively Biblical!
If the news of Hillary Clinton being involved in a child sex ring at the Comet Ping Pong pizza parlour in Washington hadn't been hinted at in Anthony Weiner's emails as made public by WikiLeaks, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If the news hadn't appeared in a tweet, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If the tweet hadn't been retweeted by bots largely based in the Czech Republic, Cyprus and Vietnam, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If the tweet hadn't been treated by conspiracy fetishist Sean Adl-Tabatabai on YourNewsWire.com as news, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If Adl-Tabatabai hadn't linked to an earlier story that falsely claimed that an "FBI insider" had knowledge of the case, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If the Web site True Pundit hadn't claimed that a joint NYPD/FBI investigation had gathered "enough evidence to 'put Hillary and her crew away for life,'" it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If the original tweeter hadn't tweeted about the True Pundit story, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If posters on 4Chan and Reddit hadn't added details to the True Pundit story, details which were completely made up, that John Podesta's emails on WikiLeaks contained coded messages about the child sex ring, it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If talk show host Alex Jones hadn't repeatedly said things on Infowars and in YouTube videos like, "When I think about the children Hillary Clinton has personally murdered and chopped up and raped, I have zero fear standing up against her," it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If Donald Trump's choice for national security adviser, Lt. General Michael T. Flynn, hadn't tweeted "NYPD Blows Whistle on New Hillary Emails: Money Laundering, Sex Crimes w Children, etc...MUST READ," it wouldn't have been enough for us!
If Jack Posobiec, drunk on all of this false information, hadn't gone into Comet Ping Pong with a gun in order to "self-investigate" the claims, it wouldn't have been enough for us...but it might have been getting close!
If all of the false information outlets hadn't reported that the Posobiec story was a "false flag" operation intended to divert attention away from Hillary Clinton's infanticide, we could breath a sigh of relief because it wouldn't have been enough for us again!
Many and various are the boons we have the Internet to be thankful for!
SOURCE: The Bible - The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_democratic_infanticide/lk06_37a.html]
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