"That was Wee Willie Bigguns with the bluegrass classic 'Yo Momma So Big I Cain't Hardly Fit Alla Her In Dis Here Song.' Yes, it's hard to believe that yo momma jokes go back to the twenties, but that's what 'Your Roots are Showing' is all about: teaching the children. We play the best blues, bluegrass and tiddley-bomp from the 1920s, 1930s and 1944 to dig down deep, really get our fingers dirty with - or, should that be into? - well, anyway, it's about the music that influenced rock and roll. For instance, did you know that the first three notes of 'Yo Momma So Big' inspired the last three notes of Led Zeppelin's 'Stairway to Heaven?' Yeah, it may be a surprise to Jimmy Page, too. Still, now you know. This is 'Your Roots are Showing.' You can hear it every Sunday from one to five pm on 95 point two two, C-DIK, Big Dick Radio. I'm your host, Alastair 'Dick' Redekapp. We're going to get back to the music in two shakes of a lamb's maraca, but it's 4:45, give or take, and, as I've been saying throughout today's show, C-DIK Programme Director Phil 'Dick' Daisy-Cheney is here to make an exciting announcement. Hi, Dick."
"Hey."
"So, what do you have to tell our listeners today?"
"The show's over."
"No, it's not - there's still 15 minutes. If that was your big announcement, maybe you should come back in -"
"No, Dick. The show is done. Finished. Over. Kaput. It has rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibule! This is an ex-radio show!"
"I don't understand."
"I mean, this is the last time 'Your Roots are Showing' will be on the air. Do you understand now?"
"But - err - ah - but - wha - I mean - seriously - but - wha?"
"Do you need a moment, Dick?"
"No. Why?"
"Meetings."
"Meetings?"
"Exactly."
"What about meetings?"
"Bloated Corpus Entertainment, the station's owners, held meetings about the direction the station should be taking, and they decided that the show can better serve its listeners if it's not on the radio."
"HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE!"
"Whoa, Dick. Aren't you supposed to be the laid back DJ here?"
"You're right, Dick. Sorry about that. I meant to say: how the [BLEEP] does that make sense?"
"Like this: starting next Sunday, you'll be able to hear 'Your Roots are Showing' exclusively on tribal drum. Check the nearest hilltop for times in your area."
"Tribal drum, Dick?"
"It seemed appropriate, given the nature of the show."
"Why would Bloated Corpus decide to reassign the show to tribal drum? I mean, our ratings are at least as good as 'The Death of Metal,' the last show that filled this time slot."
"You skew older."
"I like to think my listeners are mature..."
"Much older. The average age of your listeners is 87."
"Oh... Well, so what? Their money is just as good as the money of 17 year-olds!"
"The ad department threatened to quit en masse - that's French for 'at Church -' if they were forced to sell air time to companies that sold surgical stockings, life insurance policies without physicals or iron lungs. Bloated Corpus felt that DJs are a dime a dozen, but good advertising salespeople are rare."
"Erm. Okay, but, uhh...couldn't you at least have let me know about this before the show started?"
"I sent you a memo."
"I didn't get any memo!"
"I sent it to you by Pony Express. You should be receiving it in three or four days."
"Pony Express, Dick?"
"Nature of the show, Dick. Nature of the show."
"Okay. Ah. Well...thank you for that, Dick."
"After the show, we need to talk about you cleaning out your locker..."
"Erm... Okay, you're listening to 95 point two two, C-D-I-K, Big Dick Radio. This is 'Your Roots are Showing,
" which, like the music we celebrate, is about to become history. You know, I was going to close the show with Mama Billie Bobbie Thornton's touching rendition of the blues classic 'You Cain't Be Jelly Cuz You Always Get Me in a Jam,' followed by the sublime tiddley-bomp classic 'Yeah. Oh, Yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah' by Frenchie McPilates. But, you know, that just doesn't fit the mood in the studio. So, instead, I'm going to take a quick commercial break while I try and search through the station's library for Dixon Collard-Greene's genre-busting classic 'Mah Favourite Radio Show's Done Gone and Been Cancelled and I Don't Feel So Hot, Either.' It seems more...appropriate somehow..."