Headlines Promise They Won't Wilt Under the Pressure
(But Everybody Knows They Will)

Good Advice For Second Term Presidents

"Be ruthless when cleaning out cabinets" - Toronto Star

Next: What CEOs Can Learn From Homeless People

"Five business lessons from life as a ski bum" - Globe and Mail

What If We Went Wassailing In Wabash?

"We Are Where We Vacation" - New York Times

What Do You Expect From A Zombie Economy?

"Brewers: 'It's cannibalization. It's not net growth.'" - Globe and Mail

Just Stop Short Of Suggesting That It Be A Model For Canada

"Scientists in awe of 'vigorous, diverse' Pluto" - Toronto Star

He Can't Be Too Concerned...

"Shopify CEO keeping an eye on NDP tax plans" - Toronto Star

 "Shopify makes big push in Waterloo" - Globe and Mail

Expects Substantial Savings From Eliminating Prepositions In All Correspondence

"Twitter lays off 336 people as new CEO tries cut costs" - Toronto Sun

Excuse Yourself!

"A difficult landscape, a determined BRP
While its short-term ales outlook remains uncertain, new products are revving up interest in Bombardier spinoff" - Globe and Mail

By Way Of Contrast, Drywallers, Sales Clerks And IT Drones Are Indifferent To The Election

"ECONOMISTS WATCH THE ELECTION" - Globe and Mail

Because We Loves Famouser People Than Us

"Why do we love awkward celebrity interviews so much?" - Toronto Star

When You Have A Hummer, Everything Looks Like An Epic Fail

"Green schemes all about cash" - Toronto Sun

Inject Rather Than Imbibe?

"New alcohol strategy needed" - Globe and Mail

I Know I Would Be Thrilled To Be Mugged If It Meant The Jays Winning The World Series

"A TALE OF TWO CITIES: TORONTO VS. DALLAS
It may boast safer streets and taller buildings, but Canada's biggest city trails in championship teams" - Toronto Star

But...But...But Keeping It White And Male IS A Plan

"Corporate Canada needs a plan for diversity in the boardroom" - Globe and Mail

 You Don't Want To Think About The Sound Of That
Or Just About Any Other Sensory Input, For That Matter

"The hills are alive with Swiss cows" - Toronto Star

What A Bright Idea That Was!

"Firework went off on top of head" - Toronto Sun

The 3,721st Cut Is The Deepest

"Why TD is slashing jobs as it racks up record profit" - Globe and Mail

 "Cummins cuts jobs on weak demand" - Globe and Mail

 "Deutsche Bank plans job cuts" - Globe and Mail

 "National Bank to cut jobs, issue shares" - Globe and Mail

 "TransCanada to cut 30 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "KGHM to cut 48 jobs in Sudbury" - Globe and Mail

 "La Presse announces 158 layoffs" - Toronto Star

 "TransAlta to slash 239 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "ESPN cuts 300 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "Yellow Pages cutting about 300 positions" - Toronto Star

 "Twitter to cut 300 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "CP rail to trim up to 300 jobs as profits rise" - Toronto Star

 "Lockheed to cut 500 jobs in IT unit" - Globe and Mail

 "CN surpasses profit estimates but lays off 600" - Toronto Star

 "Reposol cuts 1,500 jobs" - Globe and Mail

 "Caterpillar to eliminate another 5,000 jobs by year's end" - Toronto Star

 "HP to cut 25,000 to 30,000 jobs" - Globe and Mail

How Dare Those Bastards Refuse To Give Up Their Lives For Our Cause?

"U.S.-Trained Forces Disappoint" - New York Times

The Vegetables REALLY Need A New Alcohol Strategy!

"Halton school's food garden turns into a spinach frenzy" - Toronto Star

Then Pass Bill C-51 To Michael Jordan

"Our leaders need to pivot toward an innovation economy" - Globe and Mail

Sorry, But...Were You Aware That The Kool-Aid Is Dripping Down Your Chin?

"Harper clear choice on the economy" - Toronto Sun

New Cribs For The Nursery

"How to make Parliament work" - Toronto Star

Conscience? That's For Readers Of The Comics Page...

"Vote with your pocketbook - not markets - in mind" - Globe and Mail

 You Do Know That Fiction Is Kind Of The Opposite Of Truth, Right?
Okay, This Explains A Lot...

"The truth comes out
Spielberg and Hanks collaborate again on Cold War thriller Bridge of Spies - the dramatization of Gary Powers' capture by Soviets" - Toronto Sun

Porcelain Swans Swimming On A Two Per Cent Milk Lake?

"What does this team really want to be?" - Toronto Star

The International Association Of Buggy Whip Producers Is Especially Active In Ottawa

"Historic lobbies live on" - Globe and Mail

And, You Don't See The Problem There?

"$2.5M union payout doesn't look good, but is normal: Wynne" - Toronto Star

Is In Guinness For "Shortest National Leadership Run Ever"

"Baird seriously mulls run at Conservative leadership" - Globe and Mail

 "Baird decides against return to politics" - Globe and Mail

 I Can See That




Oh, Wait - I Misread The Headline. I Thought It Was About A Booster Seat

"Ford brothers boost Harper" - Toronto Sun

It Only Ever Existed In Your Fevered Imagination, And You Can't Kill Something That Never Lived?

"Why Canada's shift to conservatism isn't dead" - Globe and Mail

That's Why He Prefers Not To Share His Policies With Them Until After Implementation

"Harper confident 'people are smart'" - Toronto Sun

You're Really Rushing The Six Stages Of Grief, There, Fella!

"It's time to think about next season" - Toronto Star