"A lesbian, an abortionist and a transexual walk into a bar. The bartender asks, 'What'll you have?' The transexual responds, 'Something strong. We're all going to hell!'"
"Umm. Yes. And...what is the punchline?"
"That was the punchline."
"What was the punchline?"
"'Something strong. We're all going to hell.'"
"Right. Okay. Nice try. See, here's the thing: although that is a bit of a surprise, given the set-up, it doesn't really develop out of what came before it, so that doesn't really work as a joke. Do you remember the example I gave you?"
"A man walks into a bar and says, 'Ouch!'?"
"Right."
"I didn't get it."
"It's a play on words. Walking into a bar usually means walking through the front door to enter a bar. In this case, he literally walked into the building and hurt himself. Thus, the 'Ouch!'"
"Oh. Funny. For some. I suppose."
"Did you work on any other jokes?"
"Absolutely. A woman is crawling through the sand of a desert. She comes upon a sign that reads, 'This is but a foretaste of the hell you are going to endure for all eternity you skanky whore!'"
"Must have been a big sign."
"It was a big message."
"Riiiiight. And, what makes that funny to you?"
"The fact that the woman is condemned to eternal torment. I mean, it's serious, of course. But, it's funny to be reminded of it in the middle of the desert."
"Okay, again: some people believe that a lot of the foundation for humour comes out of anger. You certainly have that part of comedy down, I'll grant you that. However, aside from the obvious disconnect between the set-up and the punchline, there is no cleverness to your attempted joke, no wit. It's just an insult, and kind of a mean insult, at that."
"Would it help if I explained that the woman had cheated on her husband with a younger man and abandoned him and their two children?"
"How would that make it funnier?"
"Didn't you say that context was important?"
"Yes, but - hah. I hope you don't mind my saying so, but you seem to be having trouble with the concept of humour."
"That's why I hired you as my humour coach. People in the lamestream media say that people on the right have no sense of humour - I want to prove them wrong."
"I understand that. And, yet, you don't seem to have really appreciated what I tried to teach you the first time we met."
"That stuff about the basis of humour being the unexpected juxtaposition of two things that don't usually go together?"
"That was one of my points, yes."
"Like a Democrat politician and truth."
"Like any politician and the truth."
"Hey! Remember who's paying the bills!"
"Okay, look: politicians and truth is a time-honoured subject for humour. But, you can't just go out on a stage and say: 'Politicians and truth!' That's not a joke - it's barely a coherent observation. It has to be crafted. Shaped. So that the unexpected has the most impact. You -"
"Okay. I get it. How is this? A Priest, A Rabbi and Hillary Clinton walk into a bar. Hillary asks, 'What is truth?' The Priest and the Rabbi answer at the same time: 'BENGHAZI!' How was that? Unexpected, right?"
"Umm...why did it have to be set in a bar?"
"The best jokes often are."
"Oh. Ah. Right. Another thing: I...I assume, to say what they said, that the Priest and the Rabbi are politically right wing?"
"That makes sense."
"If that's the case, why would they walk into a bar with a Democratic Presidential candidate?"
"The joke wouldn't work otherwise."
"I...okay, I can see that you're struggling with the concept. I don't usually say this, but: could it be possible that you're just not cut out to tell jokes?"
"Doesn't it say on your Web site that anybody can learn how to tell jokes?"
"Weeee - as a matter of fact - okay, yes. Yes, it does. But, some people are just better at it than others..."
"That's the thing, right? I see all these...leftie comedians out there, and everybody seems to love them! Can you blame me for wanting a piece of that?"
"Hah. Okay, well...jokes aren't for everybody. Maybe you would do better with character-driven humour."
"What's that?"
"That's when you take a characteristic of a person and exaggerate it for humourous effect."
"Like Bernie Sanders being a Nazi?"
"Man, I can't wait until I get that HBO gig so I don't have to do this shit any more!"