The great thing about having a moustache is that when you have a cold and your nose starts to run but your hands are busy doing something, the snot can't run very far before it hits a barrier. #tmi?
On my coffee table there is a copy of David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest. I've only read the first five pages - the book contains so many words! - but if anybody asks me what I thought of it, I tell them that it was sublime and/or profound. #tmi?
I have a pair of shoes that has so many holes, my feet get wet if there is a forecast for rain in the coming week. #tmi?
Anywhere in Ontario. #tminow?
When I'm on public transit, I imagine that all of the girls and women have Fu Manchu moustaches. #tmi?
It's not that I think Fu Manchu moustaches look good on girls and women, it's just that...umm...well, actually, I have no idea why I imagine that. #tminow?
Even though they kind of look the same, blood does not taste like ketchup. #tmi?
When I was young and somebody would read a story of a handsome prince saving a princess from a dragon, I almost always rooted for the dragon. #tmi?
Okay, sometimes I don't tell the whole truth. When I was young and somebody would read a story of a handsome prince saving a princess from a dragon, I always rooted for the dragon. #tminow?
I'm so allergic to cats that sometimes it feels as though one of my eyes is turning inside out. #tmi?
I hope nobody can tell, but I don't really know because when I try to look in the mirror to see how visible it is, I can't actually see anything through the eye. #tminow?
I know there's a flaw in that logic somewhere, but I can't quite see it. #tmihowaboutnow?
I didn't think I was that old, but Facebook's latest Suggest Post for me was for a dating site called One Foot in the Grave Ladies. :-( #tmi?
If I blow my nose outside at the wrong time of the year, at least one lovelorn goose will follow me home and refuse to leave for three days or more. #tmi?
When I congratulate friends on Facebook for something good that has happened in their lives, I don't always mean it. #tmi?
I mean, lots of people have won the Nobel Prize for Literature - what makes my friends think they're so special? #tminow?
I'm not always the most decisive person. I mean, hamburgers or pizza? Red wine or white? Watch a Jim Carrey movie or an Adam Sandler movie? Cheat on my girlfriend with the cute secretary at my office or stay true to her and blame her for my regrets, often and loudly but without actually coming out and explaining why her tuna casserole is the catalyst for one of my temper tantrums - choosing can be hard. That's why I always carry a set of dice with me. #tmi?
I let people think it's because I play Dungeons and Dragons. Why spoil other people's illusions if it's not to your benefit? #tminow?
Deciding to stay true to my girlfriend was a D20 roll, but she got lucky. #tmihowaboutnow?
When I'm stuck for a punchline for a joke, I often steal something from David Sedaris or Andy Borowitz. What? They're a guaranteed laugh! #tmi?
I never leave more than a five per cent tip when I eat out. What? The servers are already getting paid enough! #tmi?
I hang on Kim Kardashian's every tweet. #tmi?
She's the Bash? of twitter! #tminow?
I totally did not just use Google to find the name of a famous haiku writer. Well, okay, maybe I did, a little, but that was just to make sure I spelled his name correctly! #tmihowaboutnow?
When I die, I want to be cremated, and I want my ashes to be kept in an urn with the inscription: "He wanted to set the world on fire..." #tmi?
I don't care about what happens to refugees. I mean, obviously, it's a terrible, terrible thing to have to leave your homeland, often with nothing but the clothes on your back, and come to a place where you don't know anybody, or the customs, or even the national anthem, and have to somehow make a life for yourself. I just don't want to have to see them on the subway. #tmi?
I can't stand people who think I should listen to them tell me their life story. If I want to know, I'll ask. Otherwise, let's just talk about the weather. #tmi?
No, I don't have much of a sense of irony. Why do you ask? #tmi?