Not Tonight, Dear - I Have a Headline...

You've Been Saying That For The Last Thirty Years!

"It's time to talk about private health care" - Toronto Star

Is This A Trick Question?

"What do value investors believe in?" - Globe and Mail

Primary Clause, Meet Subordinate Clause - You Have A Lot To Work

Out "Even generosity shouldn't overshadow good city planning
While public realm philanthropy is welcome, but it can obscure what council should be doing" - Toronto Star

The Country's Participation Ribbon Is In The Mail

"Whatever comes of CETA, Canada has already won" - Globe and Mail

So My Article Will Be Written in Hieroglyphs

"Words fail to describe deceit" - Toronto Sun

That Explains The Smell In The Boardroom

"The new TD: Bank's CEO finally marks his territory" - Globe and Mail

I Wasn't Planning On Giving Him One, So We Kind Of Agree, I Guess...

"Gibson: Filmmaker is adamant he doesn't need a second chance" - Globe and Mail

As Opposed To The Conservatives, Who Will Stab Them In The Front

"If progressives still support Trudeau, he'll continue to betray them" - Toronto Sun

Second City Would Have Rejected It For Not Being Funny Enough

"Morneau's fiscal update merely a sketch" - Toronto Star

We Know You'll Listen Because We Asked Politely

"Dear America: Please don't vote Trump" - Globe and Mail

Beautiful Plumage...

"Dividend stocks not dead after U.S. election - they're just resting" - Globe and Mail

Show Me One Neo-Nazi Who Supports Her - One!

"Trump not perfect, but better than Clinton" - Toronto Sun

Just Don't Say Anything About Crimea, Or The Country Will Cut You!

"APEC SUMMIT
RUSSIA WANTS CO-OPERATION" - Globe and Mail

Another Statesman Is Lost To Black Hole Of Politics

"Johnston talks peace in Mideast
Governor General urges Israel, Palestinians to work toward creating a two-state solution" - Toronto Star

Regressives Want You Not To Think About How Tax Cuts Disproportionately Benefit The Wealthy

"Progressives want you to think debt always leads to prosperity" - Toronto Sun

...Trumped By Stupid Drivers Every Time

"SMART STREETS" - Globe and Mail

Go Long On Empty Slogans, Short Common Sense

"Make your portfolio great again" - Globe and Mail

Trump Won By Giving Voters Industrial Strength Bullshit

"Trump courted voters tired of 'hogwash'" - Toronto Star

They Prefer Their Elitists To Be Inexperienced And Incompetent As Well As Corrupt

"RoFo a bellwether of U.S. election
Americans - like T.O. in 2010 - just plain tired of corrupt elitists" - Toronto Sun

And, We All Know How Trustworthy Polls Are...

"Majority say Trump will be bad for Canada" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, Only Three People Actually Pay For It

"Globe readership tops 7 million, survey finds" - Globe and Mail

Pleasing Her Greatest Supporters - Conservatives

"Wynne to lead party into next election" - Toronto Star

You Mean, His Friends?

"Why Trump should take on the robber barons" - Globe and Mail

It Does - It's Just NSFW

"Should Toronto have its own official bird?" - Toronto Star

Economics They Learn On The Street Is Incomplete And Dangerous To Their Long-term Health

"Explain to your kids how money works" - Globe and Mail

Because Nyah Nyah, Poopiehead!

"Trudeau's carbon price idiotic, given Trump's election" - Toronto Sun

I Don't Have A Problem Living My Entire Life Online - What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

"Cyberattacks could cause border chaos, officials say" - Toronto Star

 "Massive cyberattack hits Chinese firm
Electronics maker says it did all it could to prevent the online disruption" - Toronto Star

 "Tests cancelled due to cyberattack, agency says
Thousands of students unable to write an online literacy test on Thursday" - Globe and Mail

 "Army recruiting site closed after hack" - Globe and Mail

 "Wireless smart devices could tempt hackers
Research published Thursday claims to uncover security flaw in a Philips Hue smart lightbulb" - Toronto Star

 "Second hacker group targets SWIFT users, Symantec says" - Globe and Mail

 "Microsoft eyes cracks in Windows
Vulnerability exploited by group tied to hacking of DNC" - Toronto Star

 "Casino Rama hack sparks proposed class action" - Toronto Star

 "AP, other media sue FBI to get details on iPhone hacking tool" - Globe and Mail

 "Cybersecurity business booming thanks to hacks" - Toronto Star

 "Pippa Middleton's phone hacked" - Toronto Star

 "Plans for Indian submarines hacked, leaked to media" - Globe and Mail

 "FBI's new San Francisco head will try to mend fences with Silicon Valley" - Toronto Star

 "Nude hack exposes rocker" - Toronto Sun

 "Millions of Yahoo accounts hacked" - Toronto Star

 "Major Russian banks hit by cyberattacks" - Globe and Mail

 "Russia likely can't hack polls, but still a threat" - Toronto Star

 "Cyberattackers coming for your data
Hacked Facebook CEO's mistake was password, researcher says" - Toronto Star

 "Hacking Strategy: Start Small and Work Up to Larger Targets" - New York Times

 "Liberal's hydro hack a quick political fix" - Toronto Star

 "Wi-Fi hackers are usually hard to detect" - Toronto Star

 "CRA hacker off to California" - Toronto Sun

 "Leslie Jones hack reveals the tricky digital landscape celebrities navigate" - Toronto Star

 "NRC hack nearly brought agency 'back to the buggy'" - Globe and Mail

 "'There was no evidence my system was hacked,' Clinton says" - Toronto Star

Your Bra Has Always Wanted To Learn Sanskrit

"Changing the language of lingerie" - Toronto Star

 That's Why I Threw My Apple Pie At That Rauschenberg, But The Gallery
Owner Was More Alarmed Than Surprised
The Police Seemed None Too Happy, Either

"Rosenberg: Art and dessert 'should be something that surprises you'" - Globe and Mail

I Would Prefer An Immune System Boosting Shot, But Your Idea Could Be Worth A Sho - Try, I Guess...

"Cut The risk of flu this season with eye-opening facts" - Globe and Mail

 No
Does That Mean I Can Skip The Next Thousand Words?

"OUIJA'S SPOOKY SCIENCE
A favourite among spiritualists, Ouija boards have been around for a century. But do they really let people talk to the dead?" - Toronto Star

Smart Enough To Be Done Somewhere Else

"Manufacturing hasn't vanished - it's just smarter" - Globe and Mail

And Their Husbands...Shhhh...

"Reusable diapers have come a long way
And colourful variety has made them a hot collectible among new millennial moms" - Toronto Star

Hold Your Nose, Cut It Off To Spite Your Face - It's Such A Fine Line...

"America, hold your nose and vote for Trump" - Toronto Sun