There Are No Wynners Here
Conservative leader Doug Ford is trying to find his footing before the official start of the Ontario provincial election. At a recent campaign event, he referred to Liberal Premier Kathleen Wynne when he said: "Lock her...well, not up, obviously... Lock her down! No, not quite the right sentiment. Lock her...in! No. No, it sounds too close to the title of a John Scalzi novel. Lock her...lock her...lock her in a direction that we'll figure out later!"
In response, Wynne responded that "Doug Ford sounds like Donald Trump, and that's because he is like Donald Trump. He believes in ugly, vicious brand of politics that traffics in smears and lies. He'll say anything about anyone at any time because, just like Trump, it is all about him."
In response to Wynne's response, Ford responded, "Flattery is not going to make me go easier on her!"
The people at his rally roared with delight.
Wynne is considering reconsidering her campaign's approach to Ford.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2018/04/22/509727.html]
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"If I Didst Not Have Thick Skin, I Wouldst Not Be Speaking With Thee Now."
And the Lord didst sayest unto the Halton Catholic District School Board, "Let not thy children give to charities that support the slaying of unborn children or the laying of man with man or woman with woman lest the children come to the belief that such behaviours are okay by the Lord, thy God. I have always preached to hateth the sin but loveth the sinner, but thou hast come to the conclusion that it is best to hate both sin and sinner. Taketh no chances be thy watchword, thy shield and thy salvation. Worry not. I shalt get over it."
SOURCE: The Bible - The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_teaching_the_children/lk06_37a.html]
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American Politics Enough To Drive People Batty!
Did you hear this? A Pennsylvania school district is arming hundreds of teachers with miniature baseball bats to protect themselves from kids who come to their schools with semi-automatic weapons. My first thought was, Not even regulation sized baseball bats? Are they worried that would send the wrong message to the students?
They say that each teacher in the school district who is given a bat will receive training on how to respond to a potential school shooting. Training. If the first lesson isn't, "Throw the bat at the shooter and run like hell in the opposite direction," the teachers should go on strike!
SOURCE: Jimmy Kippel - Live! (On Tape Delay)
[http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/jimmy-kippel-live-ish/blogs/monologue]
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They Were Considering Three Minutes On The Slave Trade, But That Didn't Mesh Well With The Company Brand's Image
Starbucks is planning to close 8,000 of its outlets in the United States for an afternoon in order to give its employees racial sensitivity training. This comes after two black men were arrested for...being black in a Starbucks.
The training will consist of five minutes on the American Civil War, five minutes on the Voting Act of 1965, a 30 second clip of an out of context quote from the Reverend Martin Luther King and three hours of practice in how to detect cameras and not do anything stupid in front of them.
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397501114804,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
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Not To Be Confused With The Rapper, Who Only Threatened To Nuke Atlantic Records In The Middle Of Tense Contract Negotiation
North Korean dictator for life (or none of your money back) Kim Jong Un has declared that his country will suspend all nuclear testing until further notice.
In response, President Trump tweeted: "Lil Kim is finally doing the right thing. #thisisamanicanworkwith."
Dictator for life (at a time when lifespans are falling, so take it for what it's worth) Kim went on to say the reason for suspending the tests was that his country had perfected a nuclear weapon, and you don't have to test what you already know works.
President Trump follow-up-tweeted, "And things were going so well between us! #crushingdisappointment."
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2018/04/21/international/main548215.shtml]
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NIMBY Meets GUMBY
Plans to build a daycare centre near a crack den have met with strong resistance from Torontonians.
"I go to the crack den to get away from the world," complained long time drug user Auguste de la Rampartes. "If I wanted to be around screaming little monsters, I would have held on to my stock broker job a lot harder!"
"It's the crying that gets to me," stated newcomer Trixie Bellatrix. "I can never tell if it's coming from them or me. It's very hard to keep it straight in my head. I do know, though, that it happens so much more often when there are little bastards around."
The municipal government sent out a press release claiming that it will make a decision about where to place the daycare centre just as soon as it stops being confused.
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=299082]
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Congress Wanted To Throw The Facebook At Him, But Its Arm Was Weak And Its Aim Untrue
Excerpt from Mark Zuckerberg's testimony to Congress:
BEN SASSE: Mister Zuckerberg, I'm concerned that if you start deciding what does and does not get published on Facebook, you will end up censoring people with conservative values.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: I assure you, Senator, that that will not be the case. We're mostly concerned with keeping racist, sexist and other hateful speech off of Facebook. We -
SASSE: I'm sorry, was I not clear in what I was saying?
ZUCKERBERG: Erm...
...
SASSE: Were you aware that 40 per cent of young Americans believe that the First Amendment is dangerous? Forty per cent! Almost half! Were you aware that forty per cent of millenials disagree with one of the cornerstones of our democracy, freedom of speech?
ZUCKERBERG: laughs
SASSE: You're laughing? What do you find so funny, sir?
ZUCKERBERG: Sorry, Senator. I find it funny that a member of a political party whose President tweeted that journalists should be jailed for a couple of days to teach them a lesson feels he should be taken seriously when he tries to lecture somebody else about freedom of speech.
SASSE: Erm...
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/sassebutnotclasse.shtml]
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