The Daily Me – Al Covee

Thank you, Al Covee, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we resolved to try one of the Chick-fil-A franchise restaurants that was coming to Canada, because we've always said that what greasy, fast-food dinners in this country have been lacking are sides of racism and homophobia. In fact, when the person behind the counter asks, "Would you like Chick tracts with that?" we'll enthusiastically answer, "Make ours a double order, please!"

Somebody should make them feel welcome. Somebody other than Charles McVety, we mean. You know, somebody halfway sane.

Watch MSNBC At 9 O'Clock Tonight When Malcolm Nance Will Have A Brain Aneurysm Live On Rachel Maddow's Show

Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered his support for a joint task force on cybersecurity with the United States. President Donald Trump, who has never acknowledged Russian interference in the 2016 American election, said, "You know, many people think that's a really neat idea."

People like...O. J. Simpson. "That's a really neat idea," SImpson commented. "And, as soon as I've completed my investigation into who killed [his wife until murder did them part] Nicole, I'll be happy to give it any assistance I can!"

SOURCE: Demi-TASS

[http://en.demi-tass.com/russia/744266]
more

We Don't Mean To Appear To Be Ungrateful, And Yet...

BP Canada has been given approval to restart drilling off the coast of Nova Scotia a month after the energy giant spilled thousands of litres of drilling mud into the ocean.

"We are satisfied with the steps that the company has taken to ensure situations like this will not happen again," said Canada-Nova Scotia Offshore Petroleum Board CEO Stuart Parks. "In future, they assure us that they will spill only the purest crude into Nova Scotia's waters. You can't ask for fairer than that!"

SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal

[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=494]
more

Rewarding To The Right

It's musical chairs at city hall, and the song being played is Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper." People who were running for one of the 47 seats on Toronto City Council have had to scramble for wards to run in since Ontario Premier Doug Ford reduced the number to 25.

To use one example, Patrick Brown, who lost to Ford for the leadership of the Ontario Progressive Conservative Party, found his ward black holed out from under him, so he thought he would run in the ward next door, but that was subsumed by another ward, so it no longer exists either. Finally, he decided to run for Mayor of Brampton, because, as Brown put it, "I had to. I mean, how would I be able to maintain my successful career in politics if I didn't run for something?"

Some have expressed the suspicion that the move was meant to gerrymander the city's wards to favour the city's suburbs, which tend to favour right-wing politicians. Most of the some point to the fact that Ford's rewarding has given one seat to downtown Toronto and 24 to its suburbs as proof of this assertion.

"The people elected me," Ford responded to criticism of the move. "Which means I can now claim to have a mandate to do whatever crazy-ass thing comes into my head. Crosswalks where nobody is allowed to cross no matter what the light says? I like it! Sell High Park to oil developers to drill on? Nobody can say this province isn't open for business! Letting your grandmother sell pot out of the family basement? Hey! I didn't legalize the stuff - I only want entrepreneurs to be able to capitalize on it! Take that, downtown!"

Ford concluded: "More councillors is not the answer." Of course, that depends on what the question was. "It had some amusement value, so why has everybody forgotten the original version of Casino Royale?" is a question that cannot be answered by adding councillors. "How high is up?" Nope. Still not an appropriate answer. "Can we trust the Trump administration when it says it has returned all of the children of immigrants separated at the border to their parents?" More councillors. Close, but ultimately not an answer.

And, yet, we remain unconvinced.

SOURCE: NOW and THEN

[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=245792]
more

Oh, You've Doomed Them Now!

The Senate has quietly relaxed financial rules to allow senators to use their hospitality budgets to pay for better accommodations with no need to submit monthly housing expenses. The rules were brought in after a number of senators were accused of filing inappropriate travel, hospitality and living expenses.

What could possibly go wrong?

SOURCE: Canadian Depress

[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
more

"This Will Make My Job Sooooo Much Easier!" Zinke Exulted. "How Soon Can We Have It Finished?"

A report in Bio-Science that has been signed on to by thousands of scientists, argues that a hard wall on the Mexican-American border would harm plants and animals in the region, which is home to over 1,500 native species, including several of which are endangered.

When told of the news, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke looked up from the plans on his desk to repeal all environmental protection laws dating back to the Wildlife Protection and Hard Liquore Tax Abolitionment Acte of 1786 and shouted, "BONUS!"

SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal

[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=497]
more

But...But...But, Then What Will Herb Do?

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1999533782]
more

Cadillac Fairview has started testing facial recognition software built into information kiosks at its shopping malls to collect information on people who are looking for the nearest Shiny Shaky Shoes Shop. The company claims that the technology will give customers a "better shopping experience." What could this "better shopping experience" include?