Quotes Would Not Be Embarrassed by Anything You Said -
The Way You Said it, On the Other Hand...

TRUMPWORLD

There Is A Reason Snowflakes Are White

"Got surrounded by the police for being Black in a white neighbourhood." - Donisha Prendergast, who was surrounded by seven police cars and then questioned for 22 minutes because neighbours saw her and three companions leaving an Airbnb with suitcases and reported a possible burglary

 "...I knew in my heart immediately what it was really about and why that person really called the police, and I feared for their safety." - Mohawk mother Lorraine Kahneratokwas Gray talking about the removal of her two sons from a campus tour of Colorado State University because another tour member felt their behaviour was "odd"

That's More Of An Indictment Of The American School System Than Of Your Foreign Policy

"There will be those who say, 'It's not our problem. Ukraine shmukraine. My children can't find it on a map.'" - Secretary of State Mike Pompeo explaining why Russia's invasion of Ukraine isn't important

Okay, Maybe We Don't Need To Kill ALL The Lawyers

"Fame & Fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted." - President Donald Trump tweet

 We "were unable to take on the representation due to business conflicts." - attorneys Dan Webb and Tom Buchanan explain why their firm is at least the fifth to decline an invitation to join Trump's legal team

As We All Know, Weakening Laws Benefiting Families Living In Poverty Can Both Positively And Negatively Affect Our Children. But...Can You See Where I'm Going With This?

"As we all know, social media can both positively and negatively affect our children. But too often it is used in negative ways." - US First Lady Melania Trump

 Man Of Steele
Party Of Kleenex

"That's right, baby. I built that bad boy out of steel. Now, having done that, I can't help it if they went inside and started tearing up the floorboards and knocking out the windows and crapping all over the house." - former RNC Chair Michael Steele

If The Gig Paid Enough, You Know The Shat Would Be There!

"The right way to view this appointment is, I think, as if Donald Trump were to name William Shatner to command the Navy's 7th fleet." - economist Brad DeLong on Trump's appointment of TV commentator Larry Kudlow as his top economic adviser

He Feels The Same Way About Mexico And South Korea's Participation In NAFTA

"While Japan and South Korea would like us to go back into TPP, I don't like the deal for the United States. Too many contingencies and no way to get out if it doesn't work." - President Donald Trump

Ted Nugent? Please! He's No Aretha Franklin!

"The dumbing down of America is manifested in the culture deprivation of our academia that have taught these kids the lies, media that have prodded and encouraged and provided these kids lies. I really feel sorry for them because it's not only ignorant and dangerously stupid, but it's soulless. To attack the good law-abiding families of America when well known predictable murderers commit these horrors is deep in the category of soulless. These poor children, I'm afraid to say this and it hurts me to say this, but the evidence is irrefutable, they have no soul." - famous theologian Ted Nugent on activist survivors of high school shootings

Unfortunately, It's The Country's Poor And Weak Who Are Damned, And Not With Faint Praise, Either

"President Trump's pro-NATO speech in Poland is the best of his presidency. That may be damning with faint praise, but there it is." - Dan Rather

That Was When The Absurd Ironyometer Seized Up

"I have brilliantly used laws to pay no more taxes than is legally required. Or, to put it another way, to pay as little taxes as legally possible." - Donald Trump, October 2016

 "I have stated my concerns with Amazon long before the election. Unlike others, they pay little or no taxes to state & local governments!" - Donald Trump, March 2018

THE REAL WORLD

Why Not?
You Love To Pretend That The Show Is Still Relevant

"I think it's a time in our culture where people love to pretend they're offended." - Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons, on the Apu controversy

 Can We Please Go Back To The Days Of Governments Running Deficits To Fund The Conservatives' Social Agenda?
I...I'm More Comfortable With That...

"The federal budget continues the irresponsible practice of running deficits to fund the Liberals' social policies." - letter to the Toronto Star

Oh My Gord, Terry, What Have You Done?

"People are frightened to say things, to think things. It is a world of victims." - Terry Gilliam argues that the #MeToo movement is "mob rule"

 How About Never? Does Never work For - Of Course It Does
Damn The Limits Of Reverse Psychology!

"This is the exact wrong time to be doing anything that's putting a bigger burden on industry, especially the automotive industry because it's difficult enough as it is." - Magna Chief Executive Don Walker

And The Fact That It Is There To Be Found Doesn't Bother You?

"...a committee crisscrossing the country in search of intolerance is bound to find it. This is of a piece with this government's fondness for making people feel bad about themselves." - Globe and Mail columnist John Ibbitson

Said The Man Who Just Released The Most Backward Looking Science Fiction Movie Ever

"I'll never catch myself reminiscing nostalgically." - director Steven Spielberg

You've Been Reading John Ibbitson Again, Haven't You?

"More Liberal identity politics to divide us into tribes, buy votes and justify big gov programs. Get ready to hear self-appointed reps of intersectionally oppressed victims tell you every day how systemically racist and intolerant Canadians are." - Conservative MP Maxime Bernier

Unfortunately, The Absurd Ironyometer Is Still Being Fixed By Engineers And Linguists, So You're On Your Own Parsing This One!

"It is our hope that this long overdue apology will bring awareness to our failings as we vow to never let history repeat itself." - Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announcing an apology for Canada turning away a boatload of Jewish German refugees in 1939

 "Coming across the border in a way that tries to circumvent the law or defy proper procedure is no free ticket to Canada... Seeking asylum is not a shortcut to get around normal immigration rules and procedures." - Public Safety Minister Ralph Goodale