A Quote Here, A Quote There, And Pretty Soon It Adds Up To A Real Script!

Good Journalists Hit The Canvas Hard With The Punches

"Who is this? That didn't go as planned." - Fox anchorgrunter Rob Schmitt is surprised that a guest he thought was pro-Trump was replaced by a different guest who was anti-Trump

I Mean, I've Got One, So How Bad Can Things Be?

"Let me be clear: the best social programme is a job." - Ontario Social Services Minister Lisa MacLeod

One Politician Who Tells The Truth (Every Now And Then)

"Donald Trump is a race baiting, xenophobic bigot." - Lindsay Graham, then (2015)

 "He's not, in my view, a racist by any stretch of the imagination. I have never heard him make a single racist statement. Not even close." - Lindsay Graham, now

Better To Put Them In A Little Area Where Armed Guards Will Look The Other Way While They Do Drugs Unsupervised

"If your son, daughter, loved one ever had an addiction, would you want them to go into a little area and do more drugs? I am dead against that. We have to help these people. We can't just keep feeding them and feeding them." - Ontario PC leader Doug Ford on safe injection sites

 A Lawyer Is Not A Lawyer
...Nor, If It Comes To That, Is He Much Of A Philosopher

"Truth is not truth." - President Trump's lawyer Rudy Giuliani

Some People Claim Margaret Wente Is A Journalist. After All, Her Writing Appears In Newspapers. But "Journalist" Is Not A Profession. It's A Steel-toed Boot In A Hurricane

"Some people claim that Mr. Ford himself is part of the elites. After all, he never had to sweat to make the rent. His dad left the family business. But 'elite' is not an income bracket. It's an attitude." - Margaret Wente in the Globe and Mail

I Don't Know - Sounds To Me Like You Know How To Racism Very Well

"I have a best friend in Amherst who is from Jamaica. She said to me, 'Elizabeth, smoking marijuana in Jamaica is completely accepted and there's a completely different work ethic and very low productivity in Jamaica.' I think we already have a productivity problem here in Nova Scotia. We do not need something else making it worse." - Nova Scotia MLA Elizabeth Smith-McCrossin

 "I am not as knowledgeable about racism as I should be. As an elected official and as someone who aspires to a leadership role, particularly in a province like Nova Scotia where racism persists to this day, I need to do better." - Nova Scotia MLA Elizabeth Smith-McCrossin

Gap Inc. Respects The Huge Market (For Which It Is Willing To Undermine Its Integrity) Of China

"Gap Inc. respects the sovereignty and territorial integrity of China." - The Gap apologizes for selling a t-shirt in Canada that displayed a map of China without Tibet, islands in the South China Sea and Taiwan

I Would Advise You To Starve Them And Keep Them Fearing External Enemies, But You've Already Got That Covered...

"He speaks, and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same." - President Donald Trump expressing admiration for North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un

Trump Supporters Comforted By The Idea That It's The Brain Cancer Talking

"An American president does not lead the free world by congratulating dictators on winning sham elections." - Senator John McCain

Misogyny, She Wrote

"We must sometimes take blame, women. I really do think that. Although it's awful to say. We can't make ourselves look as attractive as possible without being knocked down and raped." - Angela Lansbury

It Is If The Government Refuses To Allow New York Mets Players To Reunite With Their Families Between Games

"Chain-link fences allow line-of-sight visual connectivity with children and families. There's nothing inhumane about a chain-link fence. If it is, then every ballpark in America is inhumane." - GOP Senate nominee Kevin Cramer

...Right Into Toronto's Downtown Core

"[Y]ou don't have to understand the swamp to drain it." - Margaret Wente on Doug Ford

I Learned A Valuable Lesson From Him: Never Agree To Star In An Equalizer Remake

"I never want to do anything that's not teaching somebody something... It's our jobs as artists to use our craft to teach." - Denzel Washington

Britain Would Rather Let Its Tear Ducts Dry Up And Go Blind

"There is now a very real risk of a Brexit no-deal by accident. This is because I think that many people in the EU are thinking they just have to wait long enough and Britain will blink. And that's not going to happen." - British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt

That's A Strange Sentiment From The Man Who Recorded The Song "People Who Died"

"The steep upward trajectory is unacceptable." - Jim Carroll, speaking on behalf of the White House drug policy office, on a report that cultivation of coca plants in Colombia is at an all-time high

The NRA Coyly Bats Its Lashes And Asks, "Why, Whatever Do You Mean?"

"My new backpack is almost as transparent as the NRA's agenda." - Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student/mass shooting survivor Lauren Hogg

That Explains Why You Wrote That The President Would Never Have Children Because His Fallopian Tubes Had Been Tied

"He dictated that whole letter. I didn't write that letter. I just made it up as I went along." - Dr. Harold Bornstein, who wrote (down) a suspiciously rosy assessment of Donald Trump's health in 2015

If He Had Been African-African, It Would Have Been A Whole Different Movie

"The story draws from Stallworth's harrowing experiences as the first American-American cop on the Colorado Springs police force, who in 1979 infiltrated the KKK by posing as a white supremacist after answering a newspaper ad." - Toronto Star review of Spike Lee's BlacKKKlansman

The Attorney General Has Taken A Tums To Cure The History Repeating

"...in Nazi Germany, they were keeping the Jews from leaving the country." - Attorney General Jeff Sessions explaining why the United States keeping immigrants in cages is different from Nazi Germany keeping citizens in cages