I'm Not Racist, I Just Say Things On Television That Racists Are Thinking
As they say, not every douchenozzle lives in the basket of deplorables, but everybody who lives in the basket of deplorables appeals to douchenozzles.
With her recent rant, Fox News host (the deplorable is understood to come with the job title) Laura Ingraham hit a nerve with "some parts of the country." You can imagine people in Harlem going, "Aww, hell, ya! Tell it like it is, Laury-Paury!" Or, people in San Francisco's Chinatown nodding their heads in agreement and saying, "We believe Ms. Ingraham makes a valuable argument." To which the average person in Billings, Montana would respond, "Wait, what? I thought Laura was talking to us!"
Yes, average person in Billings, Montana, race in America certainly is a complicated issue. Thank goodness we have brave commentators like Laura Ingraham to simplify it for us. Simplify it to the point of childish gibberish. Because childish gibberish is the lingua franca of the basket of deplorables.
And, Speaking Of Frank's Language...
You can always tell when White House spokesdeplorable Kellyanne Conway is flustered: she drops the basilisk stare for an expression approaching human emotion. Then, she starts to talk and, nope, she's still completely weird.
This outburst came in response to CNN's Chris Cuomo's observation that "You should admit that he's lying, and you don't, and that's why people don't trust you." Now, Conway could have chosen from many potentially worthwhile responses. "Why, no, Chris, he never lies," she could have said. "Whenever he tries, his face turns green and he starts speaking in ancient Aramaic!" Or, she could have said: "My job is not admitting when he's lying. You got something against a girl should make a dishonest living, already? Shame on you! Shame, I say!" If she was really being feisty, she could have pointed over the press corps' heads and shouted, "Oh, look, a crystal chandelier!"
But, no, Conway reached for an attack on the press. Well, that part of the press that isn't engaged in a love affair with the President (so, basically, anything not owned by Rupert Murdoch or David Pecker). It's like everybody in the White House has a quota of attacks on the press; if they don't do it a certain number of times a week, they don't get a scritch behind the ears and a yummy treat. And, apparently, the space behind their ears is really itchy...
Joe Jackson Was Right - It Really Is Different For Girls
Sometimes, it seems like "The Douchenozzle Dog Whistle" is the theme song of the bag of deplora - oh, wait. Evangelical preacher Franklin Graham was not actually appealing to racists. He was appealing to misogynists. It's a valuable reminder that there are many paths into the kingdom of deplorables.
If I were Christian, I know I would want to go to Graham for couples counselling. He clearly understands that attempting rape is a cri - well, no. He has no idea that attempted rape is a crime. Still, he obviously appreciates that consent must take place before any sexual acts are engaged i - umm, well, okay, no. He seems to think that if a man stops in the middle of the act because the woman has asked him to, how it began is of no consequence.
Let me rethink this: I know I would want to go to Graham for couples counselling...if I was a man. If I was a woman, I'd rather eat live chipmunks.
That Will Make Sense When Monkeys Fly Out Of My...Umm...You Know That's NOT What I Meant!
Did Florida Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron DeSantis mention that his opponent was black? Was it that hard to figure out?
It's easy to imagine little old ladies sitting in Bingo parlours across the state shouting, "He said vat? No, vait - don't distract mire! Vat vas da last number called?" And, if the stereotype of Floridians was true, DeSantis' dog whistling would be of little consequence. Unfortunately, he must feel he has a large enough douchenozzle constituency that the dogs will respond to the whistle.
Because some Democrats have described the Russian interference in the 2016 election as "monkey business," Republicans are claiming that everybody in America is equally racist, so can we please just get over it and move on? But there is no equivalence, here. When was the last time you heard a Democratic candidate for a high office talking about the importance of "keeping right wing crackers out of your diet?" Or about how "we shouldn't let right wing extremists soil our tidy whiteys?" Or, even something as simple as the campaign slogan, "If you support me, honkies your horn?" I'm sorry (in the way of people who are absolutely not sorry), but that just doesn't happen.
I'll bet Laura Ingraham is kicking herself that she wasn't the one who said this.
