Headlines Wouldn't Have Said It If It Wasn't (So Hard To Prove Un-) True

So, Not In Anybody Who Is Currently Alive's Lifetime, Then?

"RCMP taking 'long-term approach' to reduce workplace harassment" - Globe and Mail

Fortunately For Them, They Don't Stay Long

"The best workers suffer most under bad leadership" - Toronto Sun

But Will It Be The Last Spike?

"Former CN Rail CEO Jobin's pay spiked before exit" - Globe and Mail

Because Every Day Is A Good Day To Display Your Islamophobia

"Here's why we don't need a national Islamophobia day" - Toronto Sun

Why Call It The Cannibal Cafe, Then?

"Dead man not on the menu" - Toronto Sun

It's Not Exactly Obi Wan Kenobi, But Then You're No Princess Leia

"Stormy Daniels, you're our only hope for world peace" - Toronto Star

If That Is So, Why Is Everybody Laughing At President Trump?

"PM has become more of a joke on world stage" - Toronto Sun

Anti-racist Organizations Respectfully Disagree

"You can't place limits on free speech" - Toronto Star

Who're You Calling An Oxymoron, Bub? I'll Have You Know I Frequently Premasticate Venturesome Orangutans!

"Tap the genius potential of your inner oxymoron" - Globe and Mail

"He Trusted Us To Denuclearize. What More Proof Do You Need?"

"N. Korea calls Trump a 'lunatic'" - Toronto Sun

They Say It's A Fine Headline Between...

"Apple's deal with Google is a two-way street
The companies have a love-hate relationship that sees billions of dollars flow annually" - Toronto Star

 "Teacher learns they hate teaching" - Toronto Sun

 "Brothers Gurriel love their baseball, and each other" - Toronto Star

 "Be aware of these anger-inducing stories of hate and malice" - Globe and Mail

 "Free speech, not hate speech
Controversial prof rails against YouTube, Google guidelines" - Toronto Sun

 "No Wonder Millennials Hate Capitalism" - New York Times

 "Memories of the Hong Kong fruit salads
A love-hate relationship with my grandma's version" - Toronto Star

 "Putin makes the case for the law he hates" - Globe and Mail

 "Tory takes hard line on hate
Tells white supremacists they're not welcome" - Toronto Sun

 "The upside of getting ripped off
Canada Goose's CEO has a love-hate relationship with fakes" - Toronto Star

 "Virginia Is for Haters" - New York Times

 "I find my kitchen reno hard to swallow - i.e. I hate it" - Toronto Sun

 "TIGER WOODS
Love him or hate him, fans are talking golf again" - Toronto Star

 "Hate crime increase becomes 'the new normal'" - Toronto Star

 "Hate laws put reasonable limits on freedom of speech" - Toronto Star

 "Denys Arcand's love/hate thing for Montreal" - Toronto Star

 Financial Services Sector Would Make More Sense
If Only Executives Read Both Tiers Of Headlines

"Financial services industry struggling with increasing fraud
Survey shows sector concerned about making security measures too cumbersome" - Toronto Star

Bombardier Is The Donald Trump Of Corporate Canada

"Unifor says Bombardier broke promise on Q Series as union mulls legal action" - Globe and Mail

 So, To Recap: Democratic Institutions Created To Solve Social Ills Can Do Nothing, But Economic Institutions Created To Make Money Can?
If He Were Alive Today, Adam Smith Would Be A Stand-up Comedian

"Consumers believe brands can help solve societal ills
Company's position on social issues can drive purchase intent as much as product features: study" - Toronto Star

When He's Talking About A Dunce Cap Or Trading Hockey Cards, Perhaps

"Ford honest about cap and trade" - Toronto Sun

But, At Least He's Honest About It...

"Ford is enabling, if not supporting, regressive ideology" - Toronto Star

 I'm Thinking The Watusi, Although The Pogo Might Be More Appropriate
It's Hard To Know How To Dance On A Roller Coaster

"Pound soars after Britain, EU agree on text for Brexit deal
British PM will present the draft agreement to her senior ministers on Wednesday for discussion and then decide on next steps" - Globe and Mail

 That's What We Wanted All Along, Brexit Foes Tell May
See You At The End Of The Roller Coaster Ride

"My deal of chaos, May tells Brexit foes
British PM stands firm as top ministers resign and confidence wanes" - Toronto Star

"This Could Have Been Avoided If Only He Had Driven A Straight Minivan"

"Teen dies in freak minivan mishap" - Toronto Sun

Unfortunately, The Answer He Gives Is Likely To Be 42

"The Crown Prince must answer for Khashoggi's killing" - Toronto Star

Of Course, Neither Do Racists...

"Joe Biden, Dems and the race card: They don't leave home without it" - Toronto Sun

Public Figures Were Warned To Stay Out Of That Neighbourhood, And Yet...

"The next sex scandal is just around the corner" - Globe and Mail

When He's Done Beating His Tiny Foot On The Ground, He'll Call on Queen's Park And Ottawa For - Oh, That Was Quick...

"Tory vows to 'stamp out' gun violence
After weekend of shootings, mayor calls on Queen's Park and Ottawa for help" - Toronto Star

They Key Is To Understand How They Perceive Their Experience Of The World

"Wildfires will only get worse unless we learn how to live with them" - Globe and Mail

Stu Sutcliffe Has Already Dragged The TSX Down Enough

"Energy stocks try to shed reputation as the 'fifth Beatle'" - Toronto Star

 Remember The Old Saying: "How Do You Make A Million Dollars?"
The Number May Change, But The Philosophy Remains The Same

"Billionaires aren't the best investing advisers
Just because they've made it big doesn't mean their tactics apply to the average investor" - Globe and Mail

Children Would Appreciate Not Having To Explain It To Their Parents...Again...

"It's time to rethink sexual education
In the era of Brett Kavanaugh and Bill Cosby, we need to improve teaching about consent, intimacy" - Toronto Star

The American Health Care System Has Strange Priorities

"Esther the Wonder Pig gets a clean bill of health" - Toronto Star