Hey! You Got Your Headline In My Question!
No, I Didn't! You Got Your Question In My Headline!
Hilarity Ensued...

Does My Cat Mittenchops Study Particle Physics?
She Has A Pretty Good Grasp Of String Theory, But Still...

"Does Ford secretly study political philosophy?" - Toronto Star

When Your Bank Gets Goose Bumps And Its Teeth Start To Chatter

"How much bank exposure is too much?" - Globe and Mail

Knee Pads And Very Thick Gloves

"What do I wear on a post-divorce date?" - Toronto Star

Then Comes Baby In The Baby Carriage

"The USMCA has been signed - what comes next?" - Globe and Mail

Shakincidence

"Coincidence or shakedown?" - Toronto Star

Endorphins Help It Forget Your Body's Low

"What happens to your brain during runner's high?" - Globe and Mail

 Yes: Some Think Prime Minister Trudeau Blew It With SNC-Lavalin, Others Believe The Whole Thing Is A Big, Fat Nothingburger
Fortunately, They All Taste The Same On The Nothingburger

"Is there a difference among vinegars?" - Globe and Mail

Have You Been Talking To Your Condiments Again?

"Who'll walk the plank?
This SNC-Lavalin mess just won't go away and it can't be left to fester" - Toronto Sun

It's All The Rage Under Bridges

"Why would anyone want a haircut called the Troll?" - Toronto Star

They, Umm, Archeolog, Of Course

"Skull: 'There are 400 archeologists in Ontario. What do they do?'" - Globe and Mail

If You Want To Continue To Drink Just Coffee...

"If the coffee's to go, do you pay a tip?" - Toronto Star

Oh, Say, Can You Odyssey?

"Greece's financial 'Odyssey' over?" - Toronto Sun

A Nice Beret Would Likely Have Been Better

"Is Marleau the answer to Leafs' cap issues" - Toronto Star

Oooooh, He's Good!

"Why do I feel guilty for breaking up with a toxic friend?" - Globe and Mail

The Rest Of CanadaTM Would Be Able To Concentrate Its Hatred More Effectively

"What would happen if Toronto actually became a province?" - Toronto Star

Oh, Yeah. They Flow Freely. So Much, In Fact, That Friends Recommend Verbal Tampons For Them!

"Do your conversations flow?" - Toronto Star

Meerkats - They Take Irrational Exuberance To A Whole New Level!

"Earnings growth, weakened economy not driving current rally - so what is?" - Globe and Mail

Where It Belongs: On The Palms Of The Driver's Hands

"Distracted driving, where's the stigma?" - Toronto Star

How Bad The New Food Guidelines Are, And How You Should Totally Ignore Them

"Germs in your gut are talking to your brain. So, what are they saying?" - Toronto Star

Remember: Countries Don't Have Permanent Friends, Only Permanent Myopia

"Iran and the United States: Forever Enemies?" - New York Times

For Apprentice Witches, Perhaps

"Can water be a magical ingredient?" - Globe and Mail

They Won't Be Satisfied Until They've Put It Six Feet Under The Ground

"Do Tories really have better way for the TTC?" - Toronto Star

Sparingly. Very Sparingly

"How do I use anchovies?" - Globe and Mail

When Did You Turn 45?

"Single and speeding around in a Bugatti?" - Toronto Star

Hit Delete On The Keyboard Of Life

"I made a big life change and I'm regretting it. How do I undo everything?" - Toronto Sun

What Do I Look Like - A Vet?

"America is broken. Can it be fixed? - Toronto Star

Because The Chicken Asked Him To Join It There?

"WHY DID THE CANADIAN CROSS THE ROAD?" - Globe and Mail

Naah - But It Does Keep Us Busy Until The Ultimate Pay Off

"Does all of the worry, planning and work we do actually pay off?" - Toronto Star

Undoubtedly If The Schultz Estate Has Anything To Say About It

"Is the threat of peanuts everlasting?" - Toronto Star

That's Kind Of What Happens When You Advocate That The Entire Budget Be Devoted To Law Enforcement

"'What do we have now, a police state?'" - Toronto Sun

Who Cleans Up The Mess When Headline Writers Crack Wise?

"Are celebrities now facing an eggs-istential crisis?" - Toronto Star

Have You Seen How Much Snow Fell In The Past Week‽

"Why don't we care about climate change?" - Globe and Mail

Stop Talking About Climate Change

"How can we make our adult children care?" - Toronto Star

No, I Would Say We Have Equal Contempt For Both

"Does your organization treat its customers better than its work force?" - Globe and Mail

Because People Keep Reminding Them Of Entropy

"Why can't appliances just keep working forever?" - Toronto Star

Comfortable Seventysomethings Hogged All The Best Toys For Themselves

"I'm a struggling twentysomething. What went wrong?" - Globe and Mail

No Diapers Tour, More Like

"Will Stones be rolling into T.O. as part of No Filter tour?" - Toronto Sun

Have You Ever Seen Them In A Bathing Suit? Hubba Hubba!

"You think 2015, '16, '17 and '18 were hot?" - Toronto Star