Headlines Schmedlines
Let's Dance!

Talk About A Dead End!

"Hong Kong must not take a Tiananmen turn" - Globe and Mail

Isn't That Where You Would Hope To Find It?

"Cherry St. Bridge still up in the air" - Toronto Star

Unlike All Those Other Film Actors Who Never Wanted To Be Recognized

"Pakistani actor Mahira Khan was always determined to be a film star" - Globe and Mail

Jealousy Is Such An Ugly Emotion

"Brexit leader rips royals
Farage calls Queen Mum a 'slightly overweight, chain-smoking gin drinker" - Toronto Sun

Because They're Sensitive To Criticism?

"If you love elephants, don't ever ride them" - Toronto Star

You Kinda Hope Reducing Waste Is One Of Them, But...

"Ottawa considering additional steps to reduce waste exports" - Globe and Mail

Billion People Who Are Already Undernourished Ask: "It Could Get Worse‽"

"Climate crisis puts world food supply at risk: report
UN experts predict dire future unless dramatic action taken" - Toronto Star

Under Covers In The Middle Of The Night, They'll Gossip About France, The Ugly Country That Wasn't Invited To The Sleepover

"After Brexit, Canada and the U.K. will become even closer friends" - Globe and Mail

Imagine What He Would Have Done To His Family If He Had Hated Them!

"Killed his family for webcam girl
What obsessed Florida man did for love" - Toronto Sun

Get A Grip! That Show Is NOT Coming Back!

"Scientists encouraged by surge in firefly sightings in Southeastern Ontario" - Globe and Mail

If You See The Buddha On The Street, Ask To Borrow His AK47

"Militant Buddhism Rises
Extremist monks are using their spiritual authority to attack Muslims." - New York Times

 You Know What They Say: To Lose One Citizen May Be Regarded As Unfortunate
To Lose 100,000 Citizens Is WHAT THE HELL‽

"UN says 100,000 detained or lost in Syria" - Toronto Star

0h 0h!

"Canada Pension Plan to control Hwy. 4o7" - Toronto Sun

 They Suck?
I Mean, It Isn't THAT Hard To Figure Out

"Shapiro gets why Jays fans are mad" - Toronto Star

Despite Big Ears, It Just Wouldn't Fly?

"SETBACK FOR JUMBO RESORT" - Globe and Mail

Because Going To The Kitchen To Get A Sandwich In The Middle Of It Will Really Kill The Mood

"Staying present during sex" - Toronto Star

Because Donald Trump Tweeted That It Wasn't

"Why the U.S. Federal Reserve is no longer relevant" - Toronto Sun

It Has Something To Do With A Butterfly Flapping Its Wings In China...

"Why Donald Trump may dodge a recession" - Globe and Mail

I Don't Remember, I Don't Re...Re...Uhh...Something...

"'MEMORIES FALLIBLE'
Why we often recall the bad better than the good" - Toronto Sun

 "Oysters recalled due to toxic threat" - Toronto Star

 "Agropur ice cream sandwiches recalled" - Toronto Star

 "FISHER-PRICE RECALLS ROCK 'N PLAY SLEEPERS AFTER MORE THAN 30 BABIES DIE" - Globe and Mail

 "Students will recall cuts when it's time to vote" - Toronto Star

 "Kirkland veggie burgers recalled" - Toronto Star

 "Romaine calm: We now have a recall, but issues remain" - Toronto Star

 "Kotex recalls tampons" - Toronto Star

 "Beer can defects prompt recall" - Toronto Star

 "Philippines recalls diplomats from Canada over garbage issue" - Toronto Star

 "Most Canadians unaware of major food recalls: survey
Study finds only 37 per cent of respondents were aware of national flour recall last spring, which included at least 17 brands and continued for months" - Globe and Mail

 "Harley recalls 238,300 bikes" - Toronto Star

 "Loblaws recall due to salmonella fears" - Toronto Star

 "Kraft Heinz baby food recalled due to insects" - Toronto Star

 "I took on the Nazis: Canadian vet recalls Normandy invasion" - Toronto Star

Says Ontario Is Only Part Of The Lawsuit Because It's What All The Cool Kids Are Doing This Year

"Ford says fall election will determine carbon tax outcome, not the courts" - Globe and Mail

The Party Of Ronald Reagan Never Was

"The party of Robert F. Kennedy is gone" - Toronto Sun

But, Wouldn't The Only Way To Combat Fake News Be To Employ Fake Thought?

"Voters need to put real thought into the coming federal election" - Toronto Star

Codifying A Common Student Practice

"Mind your Zs: Schools explore adding sleep to lesson plans" - Globe and Mail

Is Talking Trash Close Enough?

"Cities hope federal leaders will talk sewage" - Toronto Star

He Probably Hoped You Would Sell Them And Use The Proceeds To Pay For His University

"Son left home, but left his nude pix behind" - Toronto Sun

Plans To Use Chinese Factories

"Labour minister vows to build bridges with unions" - Toronto Star

But, Hey, Since It's Got You Where You Are Today...

"In a recession, layoffs may not be a cure-all" - Globe and Mail

 Or, Maybe He Was Inspired By The Littlest Hobo
Or, Maybe, Just Maybe, There Isn't A Canadian Angle To This Story

"Maybe Johnson was inspired by Harper's example" - Toronto Star

Keep Them Away From Newspapers For A Start

"Let's not forget to teach our children about humanity" - Globe and Mail

Just In Time For The Start Of The New Academic Year...

"'Privileged little a-holes'
Pete Davidson launches tirade against university students" - Toronto Sun

He's Been A Slacker Up To Now

"For police chief, contract extension carries high expectations" - Toronto Star

The Family That Writes Together, Deeply Resents Small Slights Together

"Wife's assignment gives husband writer's block" - Toronto Sun

The Life Of The Universe

"Johnson's Brexit plan comes at a bad time" - Globe and Mail