Swing What the Heck Do You Know Round and Round

1) The Ford government of Ontario is considering allowing developers to hire and pay their own building inspectors in an effort to speed up construction. What could possible go wrong? a) the rats that get in through the holes in the foundation could object to being asked to contribute to the rent
b) a fire that starts in the basement could make up for the lack of heat in the building, but that would be the textbook definition of "unintended consequences"
c) collapsed buildings will have to be rebuilt, a definite win for the construction companies (not to mention funeral parlours); if that's wrong, Doug Ford doesn't want to be right!

2) What is the definition of "bleisure?" a) a form of entertainment that doesn't really entertain (a portmanteau of "blah leisure")
b) an offshoot of K-Pop that's all the rage with the kids these days
c) a travel agency's dream package that would ensure that you would neither get work done nor enjoy yourself while on vacation

3) How in the Gord are neologisms like this created? a) somebody tells the ad department to "use your words," and they do
b) nobody is looking
c) travel agents are sadistic so and sos

4) The Israeli government opposes the International Criminal Court. What is the main reason for this? a) it believes that all crime is local
b) it argues that Palestine is not a state, and all those Palestinians in the Middle East are just a figment of George Soros' imagination
c) it regularly treats Palestinians in the Occupied Territories to champagne and strawberry receptions and anybody who refuses to recognize this is anti-Semitic!

5) So, Israel's opposition to the ICC has nothing to do with the organization's investigation of the appalling conditions under which the Israelis force Palestinians to live? a) the what now? Pfft - ha - nooooooo!
b) okay, yes, we will allow that the champagne is flat and the strawberries are past their best before date, but, sheesh, can't a country get any credit for trying?
c) what? You actually think -? You - you - you - shut up! Can't you see I'm trying to have a solemn moment at a Holocaust memorial ceremony, here‽

6) Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have issued a warning to paparazzi photographers not to take any pictures of them. If such pictures are taken, what are the former royals threatening to do? a) pout fetchingly
b) complain outragedly
c) issue more warnings
d) other

7) What is the worst crime Markle has been accused of in the press? a) wearing a one-shoulder dress
b) being royal while black
c) eating avocados
d) all of the above, and so much less

8) The Missouri Parental Oversight of Public Libraries Act creates "parental library review boards" to monitor books in the library system for "age-inappropriate sexual material." Any public library that allows minors access to such material would have its funding stripped, and librarians who refuse to comply with the act can be fined and imprisoned for up to one year. What could possibly go wrong? a) The Outsiders will be forced to stay inside
b) Alice's Adventures in Wonderland will be forced underground
c) Catcher in the Rye will be put under lock and key and only lent out with the permission of he Missouri state legislature (and the odds of that happening are less than those of the planet Venus winning the next Superbowl)

9) Now that his term is coming to an end, what position could Vladimir Putin take up to remain in power in Russia? a) Prime Minist - err, he has already filled that position as long as he is allowed to
b) Preside - eee, been there, done that
c) Dog Catcher - it's not the position that matters, it' s what you do with it

10) Does the NDP have a theory of the world? a) yes
b) no
c) do you?

11) The Ford government has appointed a police officer who has lauded the Premier on his social media (Constable Randall Arsenault) and a professor with Progressive Conservative links (Violetta Igneski) to the Ontario Human Rights Commission, despite neither being on the agency's short list. What could possible go wrong? a) White History Month finally becoming a reality*
b) police officers who have been accused of roughing up prisoners claiming their right to be violent was being violated
c) the Ontario Human Rights Commission changing its name to the White Pride Cotillion

* don't be silly! Every month is White History Month!

12) The rules Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell has proposed to run the impeachment trial of President Trump have led critics to suggest that the whole thing will be a sham. What was the biggest give-away? a) the champagne and strawberry reception the Republicans held before the impeachment trial started
b) the fact that McConnell said, "the whole thing will be a sham" to journalists before the impeachment trial started
c) the fact that President Trump has not rage-tweeted that the impeachment trial was a sham

13) What is "himpathy?" a) a word from a Rolling Stones song
b) a misheard word from a Rolling Stones song
c) what "naturopathy" will eventually be recognized as (take that Gwyneth!)

14) Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his rival will be visiting the White House. Who is Netanyahu's rival? a) former Israeli military chief Benny Gantz
b) former British comedian Benny Hill (which would probably come as a surprise to the owners of the cemetery where he is buried)
c) current Israeli prosecutor Shai Nitzan

15) Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and his rival were invited to the White House by Vice President Mike "Look at me, I have been keeping busy doing things that have nothing to do with Ukraine" Pence to discuss President Donald Trump's peace plan for the Middle East. Who is missing from this list of invitees? a) Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (they'll do anything to get away from Buckingham Palace!)
b) Benny Hill (he'll do anything to get away from the cemetery where he is buried!)
c) Presidential Son-in-laviser Jared Kushner (but, to be fair, he was taking a victory lap around the White House when the invitations were made)

16) The coronavirus has affected people mostly in China, but has also travelled to at least 10 other countries, including Canada. What is the coronavirus? a) a large family of viruses that most often cause mild to moderate upper respiratory tract illnesses, including the common cold, but can also lead to severe diseases. The one thing they all have in common is that they are transmitted through a specific brand of beer
b) what can happen to people who look directly at the sun during a full eclipse
c) I have no idea, but it's coming for you and there is nothing you can do about it so either make peace with your maker or PANIC PANIC PANIC

17) Rogers Communications CEO Joe Natale has warned that his company will cut funding for infrastructure "if the regulatory environment is punitive from a fuelling-investment point of view." What is this tactic called? a) blackmail
b) good business
c) the chocolate eclair
d) all of the above

18) What can Canada learn from other countries, democratic and non-democratic? a) that one person one vote is the essence of democracy...unless it isn't
b) that complete transparency is the most important aspect of keeping a government accountable to the people...unless it's too burdensome, in which case forget about it
c) keeping the population isolated and fearful is the best way of consolidating power at the top...unless the people at the top don't want the power, in which case, why are they even there?

19) What's next after self-checkouts? a) self-surgeries
b) self-vassalization
c) Gorgonzola cheese

20) What could possibly go wrong? a) you could lose all your teeth and have to replace them with ferrets
b) the sun could go supernova, causing you to have a really bad hair day
c) the Ford government and the Missouri state legislature could compare notes
d) other wrongness