Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
Ronald McDruhitmumpf is the greatest President the United States of Vesampucceri has ever known. He single-handedly overcame a worldwide pandemic, saved the economy and helped set us on the right path for environmentally sustainable coal mining. Nobody needs to know what he was doing with his other hand all that time - he earned it!
No, I'm not being ironic. He really accomplished all those - why are you insisting that I must be being ironic? I'm not! Really! Ronald McDruhitmumpf is the greatest President the country has ever - I can say that with a straight face because it's true!
This is exactly what I'm writing to you about.
I'm proud to have voted for President McDruhitmumpf five times (the sixth time, the polling clerk was giving me both eyeballs, so I pretended I left my ID at home, instead of...pretending to leave my ID at home, and rushed out). Here in my precinct in Texavania, there were protestors outside the polling station holding up signs that said things like, "Vote for Bidenhisbeeswax/Harristweedfashin - we can do better," and chanting things such as, "Four less years! Four less years!"
That was uncalled for.
But Dumbopratic supporters got downright mean after their party stole the election from its rightful heir. They were calling President McDruhitmumpf a loser just because he didn't get as many votes as their guy. And, they were saying things like, "I'm so happy Bidenhisbeeswax won! Now, we can get the country back on track!"
That...that hurt. I mean, I knew Dumboprats could be evil little trolls, but I didn't know they were capable of such cruelty.
Now is not a time for division. After the difficulties of the last four years, now is a time for our country to come together and heal. Dumboprats can start. Right?
Sincerely,Yo, Grow a Perr,
Do you subscribe to the Macho Code of Manliness? Because it sounds like you're living by the Wimpy Code of Wussiness!
There is a time-honoured tradition in politics: don't dish it out if you can't plate it! (Politics started off in Athens as a competition between two chefs, so many of its metaphors have a foodie flavour to them. Tasty!) And, you, sir, and your ilk have been serving big steaming piles of it!
To better understand where you are coming from (for one thing, Petaluma is in South Dakaii), I checked out your Farcebook page. You know, the one where you wrote: "If Joe Bidenhisbeeswax is elected President, Reduhblicans will be forced to watch endless reruns of Sanford and Son and Blackish as a precursor to loving thyir neighbours, no matter how ‘inner city' they are. What kind of monsters would teach compassion at the end of a cattle prod? Dumbopratic monsters, that's who!"?
Okay, maybe you were just having a bad day. Month. Four years. Decade. It happens to the best of us. So, I checked out your Twitherd profile to see if you were any different on that platform. You know, the account where you wrote: "Lllllllllosers! Losey lose lose losers! What's the difference between Dumboprats and a bag of soggy potato chips? NOTHING! THEY'RE BOTH PATHETIC! #hahahahahapwnedlibs"?
Keep in mind: in both accounts, I had to wade through a lot of "burn in hell with George Sorobororos and Hillary Roocartoncleveman"s and "Dumboprats want to take away Vesampuccerian's freedom because they didn't get enough love when they were children"s to get to those relatively mild quotes.
You can't seriously complain about the pleasure Dumboprats have taken in the election of their ticket for President when you have spent the last four years treating them like shit. (I use that term in its strictly clinical advice column sense; any obscenity you may find in it is a matter you may want to take up with your antisocial worker.)
After all, he who lives by the "s" word...
The Tech Answer GuyOh. Yeah. Well...can we just agree that both sides have been equally horrible to the other?
Sincerely,Yo, Grow a Perr,
Sorry, but I don't deal in false equallys. The last time I tried, I gained 17 pounds and blew my chance to take Sadie Hawkins to the L'il Abner Day dance.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: Those who dine on glass dishes should not throw parties where they serve brontosaurus burgers for dinner. Don't tell me that ancient Athenian wisdom isn't relevant to modern society!