Headlines? You Call These Headlines?
In My Day, These Squiggles Wouldn't Be Fit To Shine Headlines' Shoes!

Just To The Left Of Your Id And In Full View Of Your Superego

"What's the best place for a blind-spot mirror?" - Globe and Mail

They Get Multi-million Dollar Buyouts And Are Asked To Never Speak Of This Again

"What happens to the recycling and trash from businesses?" - Toronto Star

You Know What They Say About The 21st Century Workplace: If You Aren't Updating Your Resume Every Five Minutes, You're Not Paying Attention

"My boss wants one of my employees to report to him instead. Is he trying to get rid of me?" - Globe and Mail

Not If Trump Can Still Be Re-elec - Oh, Wait, You're Talking About The Oscars...

"Have voters lost their love for emotional tragedies?" - Toronto Star

No: When Computers Panic, It's Called A Negative Feedback Loop

"Is automated trading less prone to market panic?" - Globe and Mail

Is It Morning In Ontario Already?

"Will Ford respect voters?" - Toronto Star

The Academy Has Released A List Of The Nomin - Oh, Wait, You're Talking About The Federal Conservative Leadership Race...

"Who's in?
Who's out?
Who Knows?" - Toronto Sun

They Attract The Wrong Kinds Of People

"What is wrong with our prisons? - Toronto Star

 Don't Be Silly
As Long As There Is A Disney. Television Will Never Go Broke!

"February: The month that broke television?" - Globe and Mail

Yes: Baseball Has Always Been The Vegetarian Meat Alternative Of Sports

"Is it time to stop the chop?" - Toronto Star

Instead of Speculating, Why Don't You Ask Her?

"Brokenhearted and alone
Is Katie Holmes wasting away after humiliating split?" - Toronto Sun

Hard To Tell - It May Not Be Destructive Enough To The Environment

"Is carbon fibre Alberta's next profit gusher?" - Toronto Star

It Keeps Them Off The Streets

"Wealthy And Still Working. Why?" - New York Times

Orange. Quick - Get Heather Reisman On The Phone!

"Indigo isn't working. But what's the fix?" - Toronto Star

Don't Tell Him About The Groundhogs You're Breeding

"My neighbour is tough about my support dog getting into his yard. What should I do?" - Globe and Mail

Nothing - It Always Giggles That Way

"What's the Ontario Cannabis Store hiding?" - Toronto Star

 Absolutely Not
There Are More Important Things Than Winning Elections

"Do the Tories really need a leader with a strong grasp of French?" - Globe and Mail

I Don't Know - Ineptitude Is Highly Addictive...

"Can the left kick its terrible habit?" - Toronto Star

Only For Those Paying Attention

"Did cops' actions discredit force?" - Toronto Star

Horribly. It Makes You Long For Something To Help Relieve Your Misery...

"The highs and lows of cannabis legalization
Canada ended 95 years of prohibition on October 17. So, how is the social experiment going?" - Globe and Mail

Absolutely! If They Don't Milk Profits, They'll Go Out Of Business, And Then Where Will Investors Be?

"Do advisors act in investors' best interests? A tussle over terminology" - Globe and Mail

Yes. And It Tastes Like Apricot Blintzes

"Are we seeing the arrival of the next phase of capitalism?" - Toronto Star

Make Them For Places You Didn't Want To Go To Anyway So You Won't Be Disappointed

"How do I deal with a friend who constantly cancels plans at the last minute?" - Globe and Mail

Start By Going Back In Time And Preventing North America's Colonization

"How can we learn to pronounce Indigenous words?" - Toronto Star

 Yes





Oh! You Want To Know Which One? How Would I Know? Do I Look Like A Financial Pundit To You?

"Should crude-oil markets be more worried about Iran or China?" - Globe and Mail

 Sure
Who Didn't Dabble With A Ouija Board In Their Suburban Basement When They Were Kids?

"Downtown Vaughan: Can the suburbs lift the spirit?" - Globe and Mail

Is It Too Soon To Reinstate Jim Bakker?

"After Ovie, who'll be next in 700 club?" - Toronto Star

You Kind Of Straitjacketed Yourself There...

"I love white rooms but I'm afraid they'll feel cold or bland. Any tips?" - Globe and Mail

Grainy Photos And Weirdly Misplaced Priorities

"What drives the Sasquatch search?" - Toronto Star

 As Long As I Can Get Three Scoops Of Ice Cream, Chocolate Sauce And Sprinkles, I Can Do Without The Bananas In
My              Split

"Going bananas: Is the fruit we know and love going extinct?" - Globe and Mail

You Should Give Your Parents Another Six Months At Least

"I want to move in, but is it too soon?" - Toronto Star