Headlines Are Starting to Feel Headline Fatigue

Is That What The Kids Are Calling It These Days?
That Must Completely Confuse Their Grandparents!

"These will put a party in your garden" - Toronto Star

No Hot Chocolate For You!

"America Fails the Marshmallow Test" - New York Times

Time For Passing Billions Of Bucks Has Commenced

"'Time for passing the buck is over'" - Toronto Star

Invest In Ecologically Sustainable Glove And Mask Manufacturers

"Avoiding another pandemic begins with having more respect for the natural world" - Globe and Mail

Researchers Have No Idea How It Pierced The Blood/Banality Barrier

"Virus has attacked our collective minds" - Toronto Star

 Crisis? What Crisis?
No, I'm Not Being Dismissive - There Are Too Many To Choose From, So You're Going To Have To Be More Specific

"In Crisis, Companies Choose to Go Public" - New York Times

 "Crisis Harms Middle Class in Africa" - New York Times

 "Crisis Gives Scientists Clear View of Warming" - New York Times

They Could Shoot Somebody In The Middle Of Fifth Avenue And They Wouldn't Lose A Single Dollar Of - Heeeey, Where Have I Heard That Before?

"Wall Street chiefs' pay doesn't sync with returns
Big firms delivered negative shareholder returns in 2018, but most heads got big raises" - Toronto Star

It Depends On The Medium

"It's impossible to see the big picture when small voices are excluded" - Toronto Star

"I'm Worried That If I Marry Him, I'll Have To Be Hospitalized For Several Months."

"Was I getting butterflies? Nope, it was stomach flu
I had a really good feeling about Samuel - then came the nausea" - Toronto Star

This Is News? Oy!

"You can be critical of Israel without being anti-Semitic" - Toronto Star

 Human Statues Giving Competition To Real Thing
Meanwhile, Medusa Is Prime Suspect

"Pandemic Paralyzes Tourism In Italy" - New York Times

Well, That Didn't Take Long

"Threat of new Hong Kong law exaggerated, expert says
Former top judge in city says Beijing's legislation intended for 'public good,' argues that city's constitutional document guarantees freedoms" - Toronto Star

 "First charges laid under security law
Calling for Hong Kong's independence can now result in life in prison" - Toronto Star

If Only There Was A Word For An Establishment Like That...

"Running a sports bar without sports" - Toronto Star

I'm Sure Dolphins In The Ocean Will Disagree With You, Just As Soon As They Get Those Bags Out Of Their Blowholes

"Plastics ban is a complaint without a solution" - Toronto Sun

Only In Hollywood Could He Be Considered A Credible Political Commentator

"Stone lauds Putin for role in Syria" - Toronto Star

Panic Now - Avoid The Rush

"Evidence-based policy needed on gun control" - Toronto Star

 "Ease up on the trigger
Councillors push to defund police with gun crime on the rise" - Toronto Sun

Come For The Linguini, Stay To Sound Like Mickey Mouse

"Pasta Factory Adds Hydrogen to the Mix" - New York Times

Through A Mask - It Doesn't Know Where Those Late Fees Have Been!

"Vaughan library kisses late fees goodbye" - Toronto Star

 Money Makes Confederation Go Around
Confederation Go Around
Confederation Go - Ooh, I'm Getting Dizzy!

"How Ottawa can fix Western discontent" - Globe and Mail

 "Canada must invest in its energy sector to ensure a prosperous future" - Globe and Mail

Only If The Stance Clarified Into The Liberal Position

"Abortion, climate policies hurt Tories
Poll finds support would grow if party clarified its stance on two key issues" - Toronto Star

National Finances Make Complete Sense Despite Applying Copious Amounts Of Hair Gel

"Insolvencies rise despite underlying strength in jobs market" - Globe and Mail

 "Despite a recent rough patch, value investors should look to the bright long-term" - Globe and Mail

 "CannTrust stock surges amid scandal
Cannabis producer's shares recover losses despite announcing auditor KPMG revoked endorsement of its 2018 financial statements" - Globe and Mail

 "Aecon optimistic despite profit drop" - Toronto Star

 "Despite a tanking stock, Air Canada is likely to bounce back" - Globe and Mail

 "Despite deals and pacts, trade wars aren't over" - Globe and Mail

 "Equities getting muted response from investors despite rally: Blackrock CEO" - Globe and Mail

 "Temp rises in Toronto real estate market
Condo sales show no sign of cooling off, despite new constructions, CMHC says" - Toronto Star

 "Alberta natural gas minister outlines plan to revive industry
Despite delaying the rollout for a new tax assessment, Dale Nally says the provincial government has made strides" - Globe and Mail

 "Generalists still wary on gold despite recent price rally" - Globe and Mail

 "Despite boom times, Montreal is plagued by empty storefronts" - Globe and Mail

 "Pot is still job creator despite layoffs
Employment up 15% from a year ago and nearly doubled from 2017" - Toronto Star

 "Profits rise at Scotiabank and BMO despite international division weakness" - Globe and Mail

 "Despite market's slide, stocks are still the best retirement-savings bet" - Globe and Mail

 "Luxury home sales surge 26% in Toronto
Re/Max report finds China and Hong Kong buyers are back, despite foreign buyer tax" - Toronto Star

 "Aurora shares soar on increasing revenue despite continued losses" - Globe and Mail

No Need To Avoid The Rush - There'll Be More Than Enough To Go Around When The Time Is Right

"No reason to panic just yet" - Toronto Star

Is "White Chocolate" Too Much To Hope For?

"Beyond 'White Fragility'" - New York Times

Unless Your Money Is Counterfeit, In Which Case, Be Generous

"Be sure charity is real prior to giving" - Toronto Star

Bolton Blushes With Pride

"North Korea calls Bolton 'war monger'" - Toronto Sun

Whiskey? Rum? Xanax?

"NHL
Draft is just a placeholder for something better" - Toronto Star

If We're Basing Our Sentiments On False Premises, Proof Is Kind Of Irrelevant

"If we're all in this together, let's prove it" - Toronto Star

It Is Kind Of In The Job Description...

"Soldiers Implicated In Violence" - New York Times

 NFL: "Green Backs Matter" The Only Approved Message
Funny, The Difference A League Makes

"NBA: 'Black Lives Matter' among approved jersey messages" - Toronto Star

 The Kittens In Trees Given Chokeholds...
The Little Old Ladies Carded Across The Street...
Need I Go On?

"Don't forget the good work police do" - Toronto Sun

 Did You Wish For A Pink Pony When You Were Young?
Did You Get It?

"Billions for military should shift to climate, virus recovery" - Toronto Star