Headlines Trusted the Experts and Look Where It Got Them!

1. Turn Off Your Computer
2. Go Outside And Enjoy The Day

"Steps you can take to avoid the dark side of social media" - Toronto Star

Lord Knows, Income Won't

"Passion should motivate work for creators" - Toronto Star

Nonsense Is The New Chimney Zebra In Newspaper

"Niche is the new mainstream on YouTube" - Toronto Star

Software Comes Sarah Connor Approved

"New Toronto company can alert firms to unintended consequences in their AI
Platform analyzes systems to detect faults before troubles arise" - Toronto Star

Doesn't Being Sensible Defeat The Purpose Of Drinking?

"Booze OK - if you're sensible" - Toronto Sun

Besides: A Tiny Tent Party Deserves A Small Leader

"Should Erin O'Toole remain party leader?"
YES
Faced an uphill battle and he will get better" - Toronto Star

The People's Party Of Canada Is Drinking Our Milkshake
And He Did Nothing To Stop It!

"Should Erin O'Toole remain party leader?"
NO
He ran as a liberal and divided the party" - Toronto Star

And Businesses Will Be Able To Boast That They Aren't Exploiting Canadian Workers
If Ever There Was A Win-win Situation...

"Employers push for more foreign workers
Low-wage businesses seeking help to fill job vacancies as federal subsidy set to expire" - Toronto Star

Another Example Of Why George Lucas Should Not Write Headlines

"Rise of the anti-vaccine chiropractors" - Toronto Star

To Be Fair, It Was The First Frontier

"Our society has made space for hate" - Toronto Star

Just Like Curtailing Alcohol Consumption Harms Our Liver
And Curtailing Hate Speech Online Harms Public Discourse
And Curtailing - I Could Go On, But I'd Like To Curtail My Outrage...

"Curtailing our energy production harms environment" - Toronto Star

Whose Bottom Was That Gem Pulled Out Of?

"Corporate race to the bottom is finally ending" - Toronto Star

Not To Corporations, Apparently...

"We are more than our anatomical parts" - Toronto Star

You Mean, Beyond Hockey And US Envy?

"Canada desperately needs national priorities" - Toronto Star

Nothing To Worry About
He's Just Keeping His Options Open In Case It Doesn't Work Out With Y - Ohhhhhhhhh

"New boyfriend is stringing along another woman" - Toronto Star

On The Plus Side, That's About How Long He'll Be Getting Free Beers From His Buddies

"Israeli officer punished for using force on protesters
Army says he won't be promoted for three years" - Toronto Star

And, We're Just The Newspaper To Get To The Bottom Of The Issue

"Despite Big Risk, 'Butt Lifts' Surge" - New York Times

1. You Suck At It
2. Die

"'Squid Game' offers lessons on managing money" - Toronto Star

It Would Rather Keep Them Behind The Curtain (Because That Worked So Well For The Wizard)

"Ontario needs to reveal the science behind its decisions" - Toronto Star

Oooh, Bossy!

"Trudeau must be questioning election call" - Toronto Star

"After vote, anger must be tamed" - Toronto Star

"Fighting racism must include antisemitism strategy" - Toronto Star

"Ottawa must focus on the issues that matter" - Toronto Star

"Leaders must mandate vaccines for all eligible" - Toronto Star

He Doesn't Need Your Products - The Premier Is Drunk On Power

"‘Hey, what about us?' corner stores ask Ford
As government touts craft beers at farmers' markets, promise to convenience stores sill in limbo" - Toronto Star

In The same Way That Drinking A Glass Of Water Can Be Superior To Taking A Shower

"Listening to a Book Can Be Superior to Reading It" - New York Times

They'll Throw The Book At Him
He Could Get A Suspension Of As Many As Five Days
I Didn't Say It Was A Thick Book
But It's The Only One The Union President Has Ever Read

"Cop says he stole drugs in evidence room about 20 times
OPP reviewing impact of homicide detective's conduct on ongoing prosecutions" - Toronto Star

Shpotify - It Has A Ring To It (Yours For Only $19.95!)

"Shopify teams up with Spotify to help artists sell merch" - Toronto Star

If Only The Crisis Hadn't Been Continuous!

"Internal government analysis shows reliance on CERB
Assessment reveals about 75% of recipients were continuous beneficiaries" - Toronto Star

It Made Him Decide To Become A Carpenter?

"Cabinet will show if election changed PM" - Toronto Star

If I Argue That Privatization Of The Justice System Has Gone Too Far, Will I Have To Hire A Lawyer?

"Walmart gains from spot on Goldman Sachs conviction list" - Toronto Star

This Is News? I've Had Contempt For Him For Years!

"Bannon found in contempt by panel" - Toronto Star

1. Find A Mule To Smuggle You Across The Border In Crates Labelled "Powdered Yak Milk"
2. Hope For The Best

"How to cross into the U.S. with your unvaccinated kids" - Toronto Star