Why Can't Headlines Have Nice Things?

That Would Be When "Til Death Do You Part" Gets Real

"Should couples combine funds?" - Toronto Star

The First Two, But With 37% More Cat Hair All Over The Furniture

"What would a third Tory term look like?" - Toronto Star

Too Much - I Clearly Wasn't There

"How much do you remember of 2021?" - Toronto Star

Washing Other People's Faces Might Be Considered; Rude

"Do I always have to wash my face at night?" - Toronto Star

No Idea, But Whatever It Is, It's Loud!

"WHAT'S EATING SARA WAXMAN?" - Toronto Star

 Is That How I Was Being Judged?
That Explains A Lot
Sadly

"Are you still what you wear?" - Globe and Mail

Politicians Have Made The Calculation That Enough Of Their Constituents Who Want To Live Won't, So Their Seats Are Safe

"Why aren't COVID vaccines made mandatory for all?" - Toronto Star

You Know What They Say: When You've Got A Bad Thing Going...

"Will Ford repeat fiasco on rapid test distribution?" - Toronto Star

It Depends: Do You Want To Maintain A Functioning Country Or A Hold Bridge Tournament?

"Do enough Americans believe in democracy?" - Toronto Star

Would You Want Them To Breath On You?

"Workers getting virus, but can they prove it?" - Toronto Star

 Put It On While Drunk Out Of Your Mind
Trust Me - People Will Remember

"What are some ways to create a memorable makeup look for New Year's Eve?" - Globe and Mail

Government Hopes To Find Out What Exists Beyond A Triple Bogie

"A course correction for city-run golf sites?" - Toronto Star

He Seems Pretty Certain Of Who He Is - Who Do YOU Think He Is?

"Who does tennis star Djokovic think he is?" - Toronto Star

Speedy Gonzales

"Who is in charge of truck industry?" - Toronto Star

W. O. Mitchell

"Has anyone seen Doug Ford?" - Toronto Star

 Writer Channelling Inner Melania Always Bad News For Somebody
We're Sure Nobody Has Anything Against Milliners - It's Just Their Time

"Hats for sale! But we really don't care, do we?" - Toronto Star

I Thought The Provincial Election Wasn't Until June, But I'm Willing To Avoid The Rush

"Is it time to get the House in order?" - Toronto Star

 Ensure They, Their Parents And Their Teachers Are All Vaccinated?
Sometimes, The Simplest Solutions Really Are The Best

"How can we ensure kids are back in class Jan. 17?" - Toronto Star

More Nostalgia? Geeze Louise, If We Had Any More Nostalgia, We'd Be Mummified!

"More nostalgia than necessity?" - Toronto Star

He Hasn't Shown An Aptitude For Juggling Chainsaws So Far

"Will Trudeau complete his father's work on the Constitution's notwithstanding clause?" - Globe and Mail

Rhetorical Attacks Haven't, So...

"Can a tax on the unvaxxed work?" - Toronto Star

Remember That Story About The Letter That Was Mailed In 1943 And Delivered Yesterday...?

"Why not use Canada Post to deliver rapid tests?" - Toronto Star

 I Did
In 1997
Is It Time For Another One Already?

"How about sparing a thought for the cold and homeless?" - Toronto Star

 Yes
Unfortunately, The Play Will Close In Poughkeepsie

"Is there a second act in America?" - Toronto Star

Only Their Accountants Know For Sure (But It's Probably Not In Poughkeepsie)

"Where do realtors' loyalties really lie?" - Toronto Star

All The Times They Had To Suture Her Heart Back In Her Chest?

"Mad About Sonia
Principal dancer Sonia Rodriguez danced her heart out for 32 years. As she gets set to retire next spring, what will she miss?" - Toronto Star

The Ageist Jokes Seem To Just Write Themselves, Don't They?

"Can Sam afford to move out?" - Toronto Star

They Have Enough Auteurs That They Could Probably Pull It Off

"Will Quebec's shots-for-shots plan work?" - Toronto Star

They Don't Make Defibrillation Paddles Big Enough For An Entire Country

"Can New German Chancellor Revive the Left?" - New York Times

To Keep The Dream Of Their Advertisements Alive

"If the speed limit is 100 km/h, why can cars to go twice as fast?" - Toronto Star

I Can't Believe I Have To Wear Noise-cancelling Headphones Just To Read The Daily Headlines!

"BURNED OUT BY COVID?" - Toronto Star

Sure, As Long As You Apply A Bell Curve The Size Of Lake Ontario

"Is sending kids back to school an A+ move?" - Toronto Star

 Attila And Agrippa?
Nero And Nefertiti?
Franchot And Fernanda?
This Is Why I Don't Participate In Party Games

"Guess who's tops again in baby name game?" - Toronto Star