Headlines Wanted the Last Piece of Chocolate Cake,
But Couldn't Bring Themselves to Ask For It

Yes
No
Sure It Can
No, It Can't
You're Being Too Negative
You're Being Naive
Shut Up!
Go To Hell!
Uhh...Can We Get Back To You On This?

"Can consensus-builder become Tory leader?" - Toronto Star

His Friends Who Own The 407 Were On Heavy Decongestants

"Why didn't Ford pursue $1B congestion penalty?" - Toronto Star

No, Because They Are Special So They Don't Indulge In "Common" Sense

"'Do they not have this sense of injustice?'" - Toronto Star

The Mongoose Hibernating In Your Right Armpit Rolled Over

"Why do I get itchy skin in the winter?" - Toronto Star

If So, Expect A Toy Truck Convoy To Head To Ottawa

"A vaccine mandate for children?" - Toronto Star

It Sure Beats Trying To Sell Voters An Actual Policy Agenda!

"Will Tories take up populism?" - Toronto Star

Maybe The Geese...

"Will Ottawa honkers fight, honk for Ukraine?" - Toronto Star

The Names

"What two days with a radar gun taught us
Deadly traffic collisions bring a familiar pattern of outrage, Months later, does anything change?" - Toronto Star

There Really Is No Place For Me In The Job Market

"After 25,000 interviews, what stands out?" - Toronto Star

A Melancholy-tinged Rhinoceros Of Mystery, And By Holding An Ice Pack On The Area Suffering The Most Swelling

"What is inflation, really, and how is it best reduced?" - Toronto Star

Only For People Who Liked, You Know, Representative Democracy And Stuff

"Was having large council really a good idea?" - Toronto Star

WHY ARE YOU ASKING LIKE THAT'S A BAD THING?

"Why are seniors' sex lives so secret?" - Toronto Star

In The Freezer, Between The Concern For Social Justice And The Sticks Of Butter

"Where is the respect for the vulnerable?" - Toronto Star

The Futility Of Action In A Meaningless Universe

"'What do we need to be confronting?'" - Toronto Star

Always File Reports Using Cat Head Filters

"How do journalists reach those suspicious of media?" - Toronto Star

Without A Job Description, It's Hard To Tell, But At Least It Keeps BoC Employees Off The Streets

"Is fighting current inflation BoC's job?" - Toronto Star

 Absolutely Not!
You're Killing Those Concentration Camp Pyjamas!
Don't Waste Your Money

"Should I work with a wardrobe stylist?" - Toronto Star

What Moment Of Political Unity?

"Can this moment of political unity last?" - Toronto Star

Oh, Honey, Money Outweighs EVERYTHING In Toronto!

"Does money outweigh safety in Toronto?" - Toronto Star

Social Peace, And All It Will Cost You Is A Debilitating Illness

"Why can't we mask just a little longer?" - Toronto Star

That Would Just Be The ICCing On The Cake, Wouldn't It?

"Could Putin face accountability at the ICC?" - Toronto Star

The Car Crash Truly Begins

"Elliott kept Ford on course. Now what?" - Toronto Star

Did It Start Watching British Television?

"Did NASA Just Find Life On Mars?" - Medium

That's What You Get For Electing Heisenberg As Premier

"Does mask policy exist or not?" - Toronto Star

I'm Sure The Bowlers Will Appreciate It

"Will adding more lanes help?" - Toronto Star

Not Since I Unfriended Her On Facebook And Stopped Taking Her Phone Ca - Oh, Wait: Are We Talking About Russia's Intentions Towards Ukraine Or My Ex' Intentions Towards Me?

"Are isolation and collapse the goals?" - Toronto Star

Start Every Auction With Seven No Trump

"How can I win bidding wars?" - Toronto Star

Yes: That We Would Rather Be Watching This Is Us

"The myth of ZERO RISK Have two years of pandemic taught us anything about navigating uncertainty?" - Toronto Star

Absolutely! Dieters Don't Have The Energy To Hold On For Too Long...

"Can we escape diet culture's grip?" - Toronto Star

 They Would Merge, But They Can't Agree On What The Resulting Monopoly Would Be Called
(Who Would Get The Keys To The Executive Bathroom Has Also Been A Sticking Point In Negotiations)

"Why only two choices for TV, web?" - Toronto Star

Don't Ask Jake Gittes

"Can Chinatown's future be saved?" - Toronto Star

You Bet - It Will Hit Them Right In The Change Purse!

"Will Canada's sanctions on Russia really hurt?" - Toronto Star

A Once Risque Dance That We Now Find Mildly Embarrassing

"What is Cancon in the internet age?" - Toronto Star

Can Any Social Media Platform?

"Can a Trump social media platform handle the truth?" - Toronto Star