Headlines Looked Around the Table and Couldn't Identify the Sucker
There Must Not Have Been One at the Game...

I Don't Mean To Suggest A Noose, Ian,
But They Will Be Positively Seussian!

"Oh, the troubles we'll see in 2023" - Toronto Star

Industry Leaves Planet Looking Like Child In The Poster For Les Miserables

"Enbridge CEO says oil won't peak soon
Outgoing executive believes firm is 'poster child' for clean transition" - Toronto Star

Maybe Trend Would Be Reversed If There Were More Jobs Above Ground

"'A canary in the coal mine': Ontarians are leaving province in record numbers" - Toronto Star

Best. Generalissimo Francisco Franco. Impersonation. EVER!

"Lester B. Pearson, 50 years later" - Toronto Star

The Greatest Trick The Virus Ever Pulled Was To Convince The Credulous That It No Longer Existed

"Why 2022 has been deadliest year for pandemic" - Toronto Star

Crystal Ball Manufacturers See Drop In Sales

"Germans See Future in Heat Pumps" - New York Times

Yet, I Couldn't Help But Notice That His Shades Were Nowhere To Be Found...

"'Future is bright' for Ontario, Ford predicts" - Toronto Star

But The Unhealthy Ones Are More Fun!

"Four healthy resolutions for 2023" - Toronto Star

Makes Much More Sense Than Donating With Your "Spleen, Left Ventricle, Car Keys"

"Donating with your 'head, heart, wallet'" - Toronto Star

Hire Americans To Run The System?

"Curing Canada's medical mediocrity" - Toronto Star

Okay - You Start

"Let's unite to give Ford effective opposition" - Toronto Star

 My Tax Auditor Would Beg To Differ
If Tax Auditors Begged

"There Has Never Been a Better Time to Be Short" - New York Times

Swear They Were Just Looking For A Three-Hooved Bull

"Fugitive cattle captured in Quebec" - Toronto Star

They're Always Borrowing Money And Never Seem To Pay Any Of It Back

"Concerns surround reliability of jets" - Toronto Star

It Will Never Miss Those Countries...

"Cheer Up! The World Is Doing Just Fine" - New York Times

They Can Either Gubb Glub Ferblibble Or Cauterize Green Yuckies

"Those with dementia deserve a choice at end" - Toronto Star

How Will Hobos Get Around The Country Without It?

"Canada should care about rail travel" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, He's Not Willing To Pay The Ransom

"Prince Harry wants his family back" - Toronto Star

Yet You Don't See Headlines Screaming "Year Of The Oar!"

"Car, boat fatalities top 400 in 2022" - Toronto Star

You'll Never Miss Those Body Parts...

"Forecast for 2023 is not entirely grim" - Toronto Star

I'd Like To Think It's Because They Have Such A Great Anti-racism Training Program, But My Keen Detecting Skills Suggest That There's An Altogether Different Reason

"'I didn't know what racism was until I joined the RCMP'" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, Dan Fogelberg Cancelled The Concert

"They Came to Hear The Language of Love" - New York Times

Why Should We When There's A Perfectly Good Government To Blame?

"Cold medication shortage a 'wake-up call'
Blame supply management, pharmacists say" - Toronto Star

Unlike Everybody Else, Who Are Happy To Be Mediocre

"'He's the kind of guy that wants to be the best'" - Toronto Star

Company Will Hold Series Of Meetings To Determine Maximal Implementation Of New Policy

"Shopify announces 'purge' to meetings
Companies finding large unproductive gatherings a scourge of workplace" - Toronto Star

Now That The Police Budget Is To Be Increased, Maybe Tory Could Get Them To Help...

"Fire deaths in 2022 highest in decades" - Toronto Star

I Plan To Do It Tomorrow

"Time to plan for the future" - Toronto Star

It Is From My Portfolio!

"Despite volatility, bitcoin isn't going away" - Toronto Star

Fortunately, Courageous Headline Was There To Correct The Error

"He didn't bring up 'corporate rock'" - Toronto Star

Italian Restaurant Clearly Using The Wrong Kind Of Dough

"As Shells Explode, Hot Pizza Is Served" - New York Times

Other Than The Fridge, You Mean?

"A place to chill" - Toronto Star

I Was Ready For A Rival, But Goofy‽

"The name she said as we snuggled was not mine" - Toronto Star

It's More Than A Pinky Swear, But Less Than A Promise

"THE FINE PRINT
What does a 'guarantee' actually mean? Brian Early answers your queries" - Toronto Star

Otherwise, They Won't Be Rady For Wr

"Mlitary must change after Star reporting" - Toronto Star

It Will If We Establish A Police Electricians Squad

"More police funds won't fix this city" - Toronto Star