Of Course, In The Basket of Deplorables, The Rubber Duckies Are Radioactive
Living in the basket of deplorables is a little like slipping into a bath of warm water. It is soothing. It is comforting. And, by the time you are ready to get out of the tub because it has finally gone tepid, your brain will have shrivelled up like a prune.
How else to explain South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem's declaration that her state had dealt with the COVID pandemic better than virtually every other state? South Dakota had the second highest rate of COVID in the country (the highest being - wait for it! - North Dakota). One out of every 500 South Dakotans has died from COVID-19, and one in every eight residents has contracted the virus.
Ooh, can we have bubble bath in our water? Bubble bath makes ignoring unhappy truths so much more pleasant!
Governor Noem opposed mask and distancing laws; apparently, she had never heard the political truism: "Dead people don't shop at WalMart."
And, bath toys! No warm wash of deplorableness would be complete without a rubber ducky! And, a submarine! And...and...and a dinosaur! Because everybody in the basket of deplorables is eight years old at heart.
Behold, The River (Of Nonsense) Jordan!
Absolutely, right, Republican Representative Jim Jordan! As Florence Lariviere once truly said, "Freedom of speech is -"
"Florence who?"
Florence Lariviere. She's a sex worker advocate from Dubuque.
"Who cares what a sex worker advocate from Dubuque has to say?"
Oh. Riiiiiiiight.
Funny, isn't it, how people who complain about "cancel culture" (this year's "political correctness") only fight for the freedom of speech of people they agree with? Not that Representative Jordan agrees with the extremist views of Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene. He just wants it to seem like he does so he doesn't get on the wrong side of people who do agree with her. It's an important distinction, in his mind if nowhere else.
Funnier still how people who complain about cancel culture do so in national media outlets. That's like saying you're cold as the clothes you're wearing burn. It's like saying you're poor as you transfer a million dollars to an offshore account. That's like me saying I'm being understated when I'm pounding metaphors into the ground.
You don't have to behave deplorably to earn a place in the basket; it is enough to be deplorable adjacent.
Stop The Squeal - Butterflies In China Are More Delicate Than You Might Think!
This is Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, the woman Jim Jordan (and 197 other Republicans) could listen to all day long.
Her claim that the election was stolen by the Democrats despite there being no evidence? Who needs evidence? Evidence is for wimps and Communist Supreme Court justices! All of the Republicans (well, except for 10 traitors) are totally fine with that.
The anti-Semitism? A lot of Republicans are down with that, and, as long as it isn't too overt, the rest will look the other way. They've been doing a lot of looking the other way lately; it has a delightful view.
Her claim that Jewish space lasers caused a wildfire in California? Umm, yeah, have you seen the other way? We swear you'll find the view delightful.
It's good to know that Taylor Greene condemns the full spectrum of violence: from the virtually non-existent violence of the extreme left to the blown-out-of-all proportion violence of the far left. All she needs is a blindfold and she could be mistaken for Justice.
All we need is a blindfold and we could mistake her for Justice. A blindfold, a massive dose of a hallucinogenic substance and a brief sojourn in the basket of deplorables.
You might think that her calls to violence would make her a less than ideal candidate to condemn it. Her "Stage is being set" comment was in response to a constituent who asked if it was time to hang former President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton because of the Iran deal. Taylor Greene apparently felt this was too subtle for her followers, hence the "treason is punishable by death, oh, and did I mention that Speaker of the House Pelosi committed treason?" If she winked any louder, a butterfly in China would be deafened.
But surely, by now, you have enough experience with the basket of deplorables to know that there are no contradictions - only people who aren't slaves to reason. Or, facts.
