Misquotes Were Misunderstood By Miss America

Other Words Which Should Be Avoided Because They Would Be Inflammatory: "Franchise," "Equality," "Liberty," "Rights" And, Of Course, "Democracy"

"Members, this is a reminder to everyone to be civil and respectful of our colleagues as we debate SB1. The chair would appreciate members not using the word ‘racism' this afternoon." - Texas House Speaker Dade Phelan before debate on a bill that drastically reduces the ability of people to vote in predominantly minority neighbourhoods in the state

Because The Past Is Too Scary A Place To Look At...

"Look to the future." - embattled Green Party leader Annamie Paul

As We Have Been Since The Day After It Started

"We are truly near the end of this thing." - Alberta Premier Jason Kenney

Executive Tone Deafness Causes Employees' Blood Pressure To Skyrocket

"I want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all this." - Jeff Bezos on his flight into space

I Wouldn't Have Hired Me If It Had Been Up To Me, But What Do I Know?

"It was completely crazy that I should have been put in such a senior position." - former aide to British Prime Minister Boris Johnson Dominic Cummings on the UK government's COVID failings

Marvin Gaye Might Be Able To Answer That Question

"What the hell is going on in the United States of America?" - California Governor Gavin Newsom calls for more gun control after nine people were killed in a shooting at a San Jose rail yard

Fortunately, There Were No Pro-Palestinian Jews In Attendance To Ruin It

"What felt different for me today was the government and ministers present were listening. And they were listening to...diverse voices that were reflecting and representing the anguish and the pain of the Jewish community." - former Justice Minister Irwin Cotler on the national summit on antisemitism

Too Late

"I'm staunchly opposed to mandatory vaccination because I think it actually accomplishes the opposite. It creates a lot of hate and a lot of anger and a lot of anti-vaxxer sentiment." - epidemiologist Colin Furness

 Where Is Your Head? Can I Have Your Head?
* PAT* * PAT* * PAT*
Now, Be A Good Citizen And Let Us Do Our Job

"We are aware of the concerns being expressed by some members of the public and city council. The Toronto Police also have a role in supporting city operations like the clearing of the encampments, and we must do this while trying to maintain a safe environment for everyone." - interim Toronto Police Chief James Barner

If You Want To Save Your Career, You'd Best Get Kraken

"I know myself very well, I've been in me a long time." - attorney (although for how much longer is an open question) Sidney Powell, responding to an aggressive Australian interviewer who asked her if she realized that her defence of Donald Trump sounded ridiculous

It Makes Me Wonder How Many People Died Over The Weekend

"What we've really seen, particularly with vaccinations, is that the new case counts, the new numbers, are vastly, vastly within the population that is unvaccinated... So, I am very hopeful that we will see the same kind of trend - maybe a bit of an accelerated case rate - but then a very quick decline as well, allowing us to safely keep businesses open so we don't have to add further restrictions." - Nathan Neudorf, chair of Alberta's United Conservative caucus, Friday "I haven't changed anything. I never hoped for cases to go up." - Nathan Neudorf, chair of Alberta's United Conservative caucus, Monday

 So Close To Empathy, He Could Almost Touch It
Too Bad He Couldn't Be Arsed To Raise His Hand

"I can't imagine seeing children die in a hospital, it has to be gut-wrenching - I can't even imagine, especially if it was my own child. But on the other hand, isn't it just as important for us to be aware of the fact that taking the vaccine has killed children, as well?" - Ohio State Representative Tom Young

This Is Bad Micromanaging Policy On A Please Go Back Under The Rock You Crawled Out From Scale

"This is bad macroeconomic policy on an enormous scale." - former Conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper on the Liberal government's COVID relief spending

 Muddling Left Or Corrupt Right - It's The Same Choice Canadians Have Had For Decades
That's What You Get For Encouraging Them

"In the upcoming election - whenever that is - Canadians will have a clear choice." - Conservative leader Erin O'Toole

 Quite Right
If You Can Afford A Chopper, You Can Afford To Send A Servant On Your Little Errands!

"I wouldn't think you would take a helicopter to go get ice cream, but I guess some people do." - Kiara Beroeckel, who works at the Saskatchewan Dairy Queen where a man landed a helicopter in the parking lot to buy an ice cream cake

Except For Those Who Go To The Big Stampede In The Sky Because Of It

"We need to learn to live with it." - Alberta's chief doctor Deena Hinshaw on the difficulty of eliminating COVID

Be Sure To Make It Up To Them By Sending Flowers To The Funerals

"These decisions...left a lot of people angry and upset. I know we got it wrong. I know we made a mistake, and for that I'm sorry and I sincerely apologize." - Ontario Premier Doug Ford

We're Not Looking At The Past - Remember?

"How the living hell did it get this bad?" - former Green Party President Jean-Luc Cooke on the party's finances

Onlookers Were Horrified Until He Gave The Nazi Salute, Which Always Makes Things Better

"Heil Hitler." - Paul Marcum during a board of education meeting in Detroit, to a Jewish woman and two black women

He Always Does The Right Thing In The End As Long As He's Alive And Kicking (And Screaming)

"Everybody, it seems, can see that it makes sense for Doug Ford to move forward in this direction, except for Doug Ford." - Ontario Liberal leader Steven Del Duca on the premier refusing to issue vaccine passports