B. J. BADGER: Good evening. I'm B. J. Badger...
GAYLE HUNNY-POTTS: And, I'm Gayle Hunny-Potts...
BADGER: And, this is The World Tonight on the Cabal News Network.
MUSIC: Bombastic burst that is part Wagner, part Disney theme song.
BADGER: Our top story tonight: well, August 13 came and went and, despite being prophesied by a wide variety of social media sites, Donald Trump did not return to the White House to take his rightful place as President of the United States. Or...did he?
IMAGE: Donald Trump side by side with Joe Biden, their edges blurring into each other.
BADGER: According to the 14 Words and a Mule blog, Trump secretly traded bodies with usurper Joe Biden so that he could continue enacting his agenda without alarming the Deep Status Quo. As evidence, the blog cites the fact that President "Biden" pulled American troops out of Afghanistan, a well known foreign policy objective of President Trump. That and the fact that if you read every seventh word of the press conference announcing the withdrawal, Biden is actually saying, "Don't believe troops failure! Joint security aerobics pothole victory!" It couldn't be any clearer if he had screened Freaky Friday for the Press Corps and told them that it was a documentary!
HUNNY-POTTS: Whew! I guess the system really does work! That sure is a relief, BJ.
BADGER: God bless America, Gayle. All I can say is: God bless America...and curse Critical Race Theory!
IMAGE: Amy Coney Barrett with devils horns.
HUNNY-POTTS: All I can say is: in other news, Supreme Court Justice Amy Commie Barrett is at it again. She has declined to overturn a vaccine mandate that had been implemented at Indiana University, forcing students to choose between completing their degrees at other schools or facing a long and painful death. As Linda Chappastidick wrote on Twitter: "Amy Comey Barrett has just killed and injured innumerable young adults by allowing colleges to force an experimental vaccine that is known to cause heart injury."
BADGER: It breaks my heart just thinking about it.
HUNNY-POTTS: Also on Twitter, Abn0rmal1ty called t he decision "pure evil."
BADGER: If evil was a perfume, you could distill this decision down to its essence and make a fortune selling it to the Hollywood and Washington elites!
IMAGE: Syringe in a red circle with a red line drawn across it.
HUNNY-POTTS: In a related story, the Medicine Without Doctors/médecine sans médecins web site, which, as you know, is made up of dozens of professional medical bloggers whose opinions are not swayed by any elite medical training, has determined that the AstraZeneca vaccine for COVID turns people into chimpanzees. "If you wake up one morning covered in fur and craving bananas," stated Anton Fazzi-Baer, who has written many times on the subject on Facebook, "you will be doomed. There is no cure for chimpanzeeization!"
BADGER: Say, Gayle, didn't Facebook shut down pages making that claim, saying they were Russian misinformation?
HUNNY-POTTS: They sure did, B. J. But, that was actually American misinformation!
BADGER: It's getting harder and harder to know who to trust. At least I know who not to trust.
HUNNY-POTTS: Who?
IMAGE: Rand Paul kneeling to give a treat to a Labrador puppy. Light from behind him seems to give Paul a halo.
BADGER: Critical Race Theory! (pause) According to the bleeding-heart liberal Wall Street Journal, Senator Rand Paul's wife bought stock Gilead Sciences, maker of the antiviral drug remdesivir. When it was pointed out to the Senator that it had taken him 16 months to declare the purchase, even though anti-insider trading law says he must disclose it within 45 days, Paul explained that, "I forgot."
The biased liberal media needs to cut him some slack. I forgot to file tax returns for six years - it happens!
HUNNY-POTTS" And, anyway, their accountant says they lost money on the sale. If you lose money doing insider trading, it doesn't count as a crime. Everybody who isn't a lawyer knows that!
BADGER: Damn Critical Race Theory! It's out to destroy every good person in Washington, Gayle!
HUNNY-POTTS: Good thing there are sources of information like the Cabal News Network that are dedicated to telling the truth, B.J., not pushing an anti-freedom, pro-Zionist, Critical Race Theory agenda! (pause) We're going to take a break here. When we come back: the chaos of the American troop withdrawal from Afghanistan: is Critical Race Theory wholly to blame? Stay tuned.