An adult song morphed into a nursery rhyme morphed into a bulwark against Atwoodian dystopia.
That's what would happen if everybody in the United States had the angst of Woody Allen. Trust me, nobody wants to live in that world - not even Woody Allen!
3) Okay. Ha ha. Now that the preliminary smirking is out of the way, what is Roe v. Wade?
The 1973 American Supreme Court decision that set the precedent that a woman had the right to have an abortion. Nearly two decades later, Planned Parent v. Casey upheld Roe v. Wade. There. Satisfied? And, don't knock preliminary smirking - it's one of my greatest skills.
4) Why is everybody talking about it?
Roe V. Wade wore white after Easter.
5) Okay. Ha ha. Now that the secondary smirking is out of the way, what's the current deal with Roe v. Wade?
It's set to go the way of bell bottom trousers and big hair.
6) Bell bottom trousers and big hair?
The dodo metaphor has been so overused, it's as dead as a...you know.
7) So, you're saying Roe v. Wade, the law for almost 50 years, is about to be overturned?
You're not as metaphor-impaired as I thought.
8) Why would you think Roe v. Wade is about to be overturned?
In preliminary arguments in the Mississippi case Dobbs v. Jackson Women's Health, Justice Brett "I Like Beer!" Kavanaugh argued that the rights of the fetus should be weighed against the rights of the woman bearing it.
Sure, if you want to grant the fetus a Social Security Number and let it open a bank account. However, previous rulings stated that a fetus doesn't become a person until it is born, which means that it has no rights, balanced or unhinged.
Justice Kavanaugh also argued that some bad precedents should be overturned, citing the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education ruling, which overturned past rulings that upheld racial segregation.
11) Oh. That sounds reasonable - isn't that reasonable?
Sure. As long as you don't notice that the cases Justice Kavanaugh cited involved giving citizens more rights, whereas a decision curtailing or abolishing Roe v. Wade would actually give citizens less rights. It's very much a pineapple/hand grenade kind of comparison. Besides, at his confirmation hearings, Justice Kavanaugh claimed to fully support stare decisis.
12) Stare decisis? What is stare decisis?
Would you believe that it is the original Latin title of Don Maclean's other hit song?
13) No. What is stare decisis?
Whoa! I see I can't put anything past you. Stare decisis is the challenge of who can win a staring contest: Justice Samuel Alito or Justice Sonia Sotomayor.
14) Okay. Ha ha. Now that the tertiary smirking is out of the way, what is stare decisis?
It is the legal doctrine that courts need to respect precedence. And, don't knock tertiary smirking - it can be the cuttingest smirking of them all.
15) Oh. What are we to make of the contradiction between what citizen Kavanaugh said and what Justice Kavanaugh said?
He lied.
16) Aren't there consequences for lying to Congress?
Absolutely. He will admit to being very embarrassed by doing it in his memoirs.
17) Not exactly Steve Bannon-sized consequences, are they?
You mean running out the clock on contempt charges so that you don't have to spend a day in prison? Sister, that's a whole Frequently Unasked Questions file on its own!
18) Is there any other evidence that the Supreme Court will support Mississippi's repressive abortion law?
Justice Amy "I Don't Necessarily Believe In Imposing the Death Penalty on Any Woman Who Has an Abortion, I'm Just Being Coy" Coney Barrett argued that there were laws that allowed women to give up their children for adoption at birth, implying this proved that there was no need for abortions.
19) Oh. That sounds reasonable. Isn't it?
Absolutely reasonable. Who doesn't want to live in a country where twelve year-old girls who have been raped by their uncles have to carry the babies to term? Or, where women have to carry babies to term even though they have no brain stem and will die soon after? Or, where women have to bear babies that may kill them? Or -
20) I'm getting the sense that you're being sarcastic.
It's astute readers like you that keep me writing.
21) Those are just two of nine justices on the Supreme Court. Isn't it possible the others could rule against the law?
Justices Alito and Clarence Thomas were so eager to overturn Roe v. Wade that they had to wear bibs at the hearing to keep the drool from ruining their robes. Justice Neil Gorsuch was a little more subtle; he just grinned whenever lawyers from Mississippi said things like, "Right to life," and, "unborn babies," and "hello."
22) What will happen if the Mississippi law is upheld by the Supreme Court?
Copycat laws will be passed immediately in at least 20 states. Women who live in liberal states with strong abortion laws or women with enough means to travel to places where abortion is legal will be fine. Women who are not so fortunate will either be forced to have children they do not want or to make their abortion appointments with Doctor Coat Hanger or Doctor Flight O'Stairs.
23) Given that former President and soon to be unindicted co-conspirator Donald Trump openly stated that the three Supreme Court Justices he would nominate had to be Federalist Society-approved (meaning set on overturning Roe v. Wade), why are liberals surprised by any of this?
Liberals can be quite fetching when they're being naive.
24) Okay. Ha ha. Now that the concluding smirking is out of the way, why are liberals so surprised by any of this?
You're right - naivete is not an especially fetching quality. You're also right to call me on my concluding smirking - it's not my strong suit!