1. What is a "freedom convoy?"
It's like "freedom fries," only with diesel fuel instead of ketchup.
2. You're proud of that analogy, aren't you?
I found it quite tasty, yes.
3. Okay, so, now that you've got that out of your system, what is a freedom convoy?
A conga line of trucks travelling from the west coast to Ottawa. Members of the convoy initially objected to the fact that the federal government passed a law not allowing unvaccinated truckers to cross the border with the United States into Canada unless they quarantine for 14 days.
4) Hasn't the American government passed a law not allowing Canadian truckers to cross the border to get into the US unless they're vaccinated or quarantine?
Welcome to the funhouse.
5) That seems to be a very narrow focus. How could such a simple issue paralyze the nation's capital?
The protest quickly became a scurry with an anti-vaccination fringe on top.
6) Before the convoy started, Canadian Trucking Alliance President Stephen Laskowski claimed that transport companies were not opposed to the vaccine mandate: "It's the timing of it." What would the convoy members consider a good time for a vaccine mandate?
How about never? Does never work for you?
7) After the convoy started, the protesters made very clear that they were against mandates, against vaccinations and against your momma, things the Canadian Trucking Alliance was in favour of (especially your momma; after all, they have mommas, too...most of them...). How do the convoy leaders justify this stand?
"Free spirits can't be tamed."
8) The anti-vaxxers in the convoy claim to speak on behalf of truckers. How can this be when over 85 per cent of truckers have already been vaccinated?
The majority is the fringe. If you stand on your head long enough...it doesn't make any more sense, but the blood rushing to your head will cause you to pass out, making the discussion momentarily moot.
9) Some anti-vaxxers in the convoy claim to be speaking on behalf of all Canadians. How can this be when over 80 per cent of Canadians have already received doses of the vaccine?
They actually claim to speak for all true Canadians.
10) How do they define true Canadians?
Anybody who believes the same things they do.
11) So....anti-vaxxers are actually speaking on behalf of all...anti-vaxxers?
Welcome back to the funhouse. Ever since the nutcase American right took an interest in Canada, we get a lot of repeat business.
12) Still, the anti-vaxxers have a reasonable argument, don't they?
Perfectly reasonable. Totally rational and coherent. As the following discussion at the protest in Toronto clearly shows:
"Vaccine mandates violate my constitutional rights!"
"Have you read ‘The Constitution?'"
"Of course I've read the Constitution!"
"What specific right do vaccine mandates violate?"
"All of them!"
13) Does Canada have a Constitution? I thought we had a Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
I blame Law and Order.
An organization dedicated to ending vaccine mandates, immigration from predominantly non-white countries and slow dancing at proms. And if they don't get what they want, they will rip Canada apart, because teenagers live for those romantic moments and can be very unpleasant when they don't get their way.
15) What is operation bear hug?
That's when you drink a little too much and embrace a complete stranger in a way that goes on for too long and jets past a little weird to whatever is beyond that. Or, is that operation beer hug?
16) Frat boy humour. Ha ha. I expected better of you. Silly me. So, operation bear hug? What is it?
The plan by Canada Unity to occupy Ottawa until the demands in the "memorandum of understanding" posted on its web site have been met.
17) What are the demands in the memorandum of understanding (without the scare quotes, because we're pretty sure they're not scary).
The memorandum states that the organization's goal is to form a committee with the Senate and Governor General Mary Simon that would override all levels of government to stop the use of vaccine passports, waive fines linked to COVID-19 and reinstate employees who lost their jobs for breaking COVID-19 rules. Oh, and, while we're at it, also remove Justin Trudeau and members of his cabinet from power. Apparently, freedom begins where democracy ends. You sure your objection to my use of scare quotes wasn't premature?
18) You're claiming the freedom convoy is an attack on democracy? Really?
One video online shows a man hoping the convoy will turn into Canada's January 6. And he wasn't talking about repeating the granting of a patent for reducing zinc ore granted to Samuel Wetherill. (Probably. Online videos can get a bit ranty and hard to follow.)
19) The trucker's say that their civil disobedience is about freedom. What can be wrong with freedom?
Technically, I am free to enter your house, make myself a pancake breakfast without cleaning up and paint your cat Fersnuffles purple.
20) No, you can't. You know I would call the police if you did that, don't you?
Of course you would. You're running out of pancake mix, and purple is not a good look for a Persian. That doesn't mean I can't do those things (who doesn't like pancakes? Or, purple?), it just means there will be consequences if I do. What the anti-vaxxers want is not freedom; it is freedom without consequence. Just like your son wanting to get drunk at the prom and try to get to third base with Mary-Jo Sperberfeld.
21) What...what's wrong with Ricky getting drunk at the prom and trying to get to third base with Mary-Jo Sperberfeld? It's a rite of passage for young people, isn't it?
Proms without consequences - that's a t-shirt. One that's passed down from generation to generation. Alas.