Quotes Beat Me to the Punchline

Why Start A New One When The Old One Is Still So Popular?

"It was going to be an armed revolution. People died that day... There was a gallows that was set up... This could have been the spark that started a new civil war." - former Oath Keepers spokesperson Jason Van Tatenhove in testimony to the 1/6 committee

 Those "Other Things" Are Twelve Year-old Rape Victims, Women Of Any Age With Ectopic Pregnancies Or Otherwise Hemorrhaging Blood During Pregnancy
Sorry If They Spoil Your Euphoria
Sorrier That They Don't Seem To Spoil Your Euphoria

"Let me say this, I want today to be about the Roe v. Wade decision. I want today to be about the fact that we have seen an end to abortion in this country. These other things that y'all are talking about are certainly things we can talk about moving forward. I do not want those things to detract from the significance of this day. I'm afraid if we get too far afield from what we're talking about today, that will overshadow the significance of this day. So I want this day to be about the fact that Roe v. Wade has been overturned, the members of the House of Representatives are the ones that led out on that, it happened in this very room and we're going to celebrate that today." - Mississippi House Speaker Philip Gunn (need I say...Republican?)

 "QUESTION: How Many Liberals Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?
ANSWER: NONE! They're All DEAD!"
This Sort Of Humour, You Mean?

"When thinking about the alt-right in particular, they're very canny about using irony, satire and humour to veil their sentiments, so were not just looking for blatant things like the Confederate flag." - Barbara Perry, Director of the Centre on Hate Bias and Extremism at Ontario Tech University, on racist extremists in the Canadian military

Metal Objects Fly Away From My Hands And My Cat, Humerus Majorus, Pees In My Underwear Drawer - How Is He Even Able To Get In There?

"It changed my life - and not for the good" - 1/6 rioter Stephen Ayres in testimony to the 1/6 committee

 Gerrymandering? No Problem!
Voter Suppression? You Bet!
The Big Lie? Yes, Please!
But You Have To Draw The Line Somewhere, Or You're Left With Anarchy!

"That's not how we do things in the United States." - former White House lawyer Pat Cipillone on the plan by Trump advisers Sidney Powell and Rudi Giuliani to seize states' voting machines in testimony to the 1/6 committee

Of Course, We Carry Them Still In Our Hearts, So Our Base Has Nothing To Worry About

"Jason listened to the right-wingers and we fired them." - Ontario PC insider on why Doug Ford is still Premier while Jason Kenney has resigned

Then, Texas Happened, And He Realized The Conversation Could Go On For A Very Long Time

"In America, evil will not win, I promise you. Hate will not prevail. White supremacy will not have the last word." - President Joe Biden in a speech to mourners of the Buffalo mass shooting

There Is No Honour Among Psychopaths

"I kill criminals. I don't kill children and the elderly." - Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, objecting to being compared to Russia's Vladimir Putin

Real Men Don't Blab National Security Secrets To Make Themselves Look Like Real Men

"I disagree with that, as somebody who has helped plan coups d'etat, not here, but you know, other places. It takes a lot of work and that's not what [Trump] did. It was just stumbling around from one idea to another." - John Bolton, responding to Jake Tapper's observation that "One doesn't have to be brilliant to attempt a coup."

 "Real men plan coups." - Bolton driving the point home

As Opposed To How Highly Those Of Us Who Vote Against Gun Control Legislation Value Life...

"Something has happened to our society. I go back to abortion... Life has no value to a lot of these folks." - Representative Billy Long

Good Thing The Province Isn't Planning On Having Any Problems Requiring Urgent Attention While You're Gone

"With so many hospital ERs closing I don't want to risk driving back and forth, so staying at the cottage is safer." - Ontario Premier Doug Ford

I'm Jealous - AHEM - I Mean Outraged! I'm Outraged By Such...Outrageous Behaviour!

"When we forget that the main purpose of sex is procreation, there are people who free themselves from the chains of family and marriage to dedicate their existence to satisfying their sexual desires." - Juan García-Gallardo, deputy president of Castilla and Leon and a member of the far-right Vox party, finding blame for Spain's depopulation crisis

 The Theory Is That If You Use Enough Words, Some Of Them Will Eventually Make Sense
For Example: "I...Do...Without...Honest..."

"Well, what I would do is, I would, we would, we have tremendous military capability and what we can do without planes, to be honest with you, without 44 year-old jets, what we can do is enormous, and we should be doing it and we should be helping them to survive and they're doing an amazing job." - Donald Trump when asked by Fox News what he would do differently from President Biden on Ukraine

Yes - That Time The PGA Tour Commissioner Ordered A Hit On Ubaldo Scanagatta

"I would ask any player that has left, or any player that would ever consider leaving, 'Have you ever had to apologize for being a member of the PGA Tour?" - PGA Tour Commissioner Jay Monahan, talking about golfers currently playing on the LIV Tour, which is sponsored by Saudi Arabia

That's What You Think

"Children must be taught how to think, not what to think." - Margaret Mead

A Unicorn In Every Pot And A Secret Passageway To Narnia Are Promises For The Second Half Of The Campaign

I'm running for Senate to "Get Kamala Harris to resign, have Biden appoint Trump as VP, and then get Biden to resign." - Representative Billy Long, again