Basket Cases

In The Basket Of Deplorables, 2 + 2 = Critical Race Theory!

Senator Ted Cruz appears so often in the Basket of Deplorables that he has a road named after him: the Cruz Cul-de-sac. Enter at your own peril.

After the draft Supreme Court decision obliterating Roe v. Wade was leaked to the press, protesters appeared outside the homes of Justices Samuel Alito and Brett Kavanaugh. The protesters stormed the private homes, overwhelming and beating police who were there to protect the buildings, peeing and defecating all over the floors and stealing laptops and coat racks.

What, you don't remember that? Are you sure you took the correct off-ramp for the cruz Cul-de-sac on the Trump Turnpike?

It's a bit odd that people on the right are still calling the January 6 protesters "peaceful." How many of them have to plead guilty or be found guilty at trial of illegal acts before the right will admit that they weren't Boy Scouts on a field trip to learn about American democracy? Apparently, all of them...plus one. Variable takes on a whole new meaning in the math of the Basket.

As for Ted, as a graduate of an Ivy League college, he knows his times tables. If he chooses to be innumerate, it's a small price to pay for his ambitions; in fact, being innumerate, he is unable to calculate the price for his ambitions. He and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis really need some remedial math classes before they're allowed back in the real world!

You Know What They Say: A Prominent Smirk Makes You Look Like A Turk...
I Mean, A Right Burke...
Uhh, That is To Say A Cold-hearted Gherkin!

It's not just that Fox News Anchoranus Tucker Carlson smirks. If you were paid outrageous sums of money to destroy your country, you would probably grin smarmily, too. It's the way he does it that reminds you of something...what could it be? - what could it possibly - oh, yeah, that's it!

He has the Bertie Wooster smirk.

It's a specific kind of facial tick that afflicts wealthy white guys when they are saying something completely ignorant that they have convinced themselves is profound. Carlson does it so often, he could give Hugh Laurie stiff competition as best performer in a Wodehouse adaptation!

Take Carlson's latest smirk. Is he judging Karine Jean-Pierre exclusively in terms of the groups she is in and not on her individual merits? Of course he is! If you aren't a white guy, you're not qualified for a job, any job - and that's all you need to know. Shut up and remonstrate!

Right wing projection couldn't fit on an IMAX screen the size of Kentucky. But a spoonful of Bertie Wooster smirk makes the racist poison go down, the racist poison go down, the racist poison go down, a spoonful of Bertie Wooster smirk makes the racist poison go down in a most disgusting way!

Governor Still Looking For His Costello To Complete His Comedy Act

"Starve the babies! Starve the babies! Starve the babies!"

What? Not a great campaign slogan? It is if, like Texas Governor Greg Abbott, you're trying to out-MAGA the MAGAt-in-Chief, disgraced former President Donald Trump.

After all, the babies in question are not, you know, like...us. They are...like black people. And...like brown people. And...poor. So, so very poor. Abbott needs to work on his Bertie Wooster smirk, cause, honestly, it ain't making the racist poison go down at all well!

The Biden administration has not turned a blind eye to the baby formula shortage: the Democratic majority in the House passed the Access to Baby Formula Act and the Infant Formula Supplemental Appropriations Act (which all but 12 Republicans voted against - not feeling quite so smirky, now, are we, Greg?), and the White House has invoked the Defence Production Act to boost the production of infant formula and authorized flights to import the necessary food from overseas. But why let the facts get in the way of a good demagoguing?

Oh, and the reason the Biden administration is supplying the infants of immigrants with baby formula is because it was one of the court ordered conditions of the Flores Settlement. Only in the Basket of Deplorables could the party of law and order so blatantly disregard, you know, law. And order.

Work on the smirk, Greg. You're gonna need it if you have serious national aspirations.