In Fact, The Only Bit He'll Commit To Belongs To Straight White Males
Christmas brings out the charitable side of a lot of people. Apparently, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is not one of them.
During oral arguments on a case involving Lori Smith, a Colorado web designer who did not want to provide her services for same-sex weddings on religious, free speech and freedom to hate whomever she bloody well chooses and nobody can tell her otherwise grounds, Alito asked if a black mall Santa should be allowed to refuse to take a picture with a black child wearing a KKK outfit. When Eric Olson, Colorado's solicitor general, pointed out that black children couldn't remove their skins as easily as a mall Santa can remove his costume (I may be paraphrasing for metaphorical effect), Alito came out with this comic gem.
Granted, some in the courtroom laughed at the joke. However, if Alito really wanted it to land, he should have delivered it in a black southern accent: "Y'all does see a lot o' black chilluns in Ku Klux Klan outfits alla time!" In fact, to really drive the point home, he should have come out on the stage - what in more naive times we would call "the bench" - in blackface.
The fact that he didn't suggests that Alito doesn't have the most important quality of a comic: commitment to the bit.
At Least AOC, Pelosi And The Rest Have Husbands On The Supreme Court Who Can Protect Them From The Consequences Of Their Ac - Dammit! This Equivalence Thing Is A Lot Harder Than It Looks!
Yes! Yes! The insurrection on the Capitol is exactly the same as somebody getting threatening phone calls and emails! Thank goodness somebody like off-the-charts right wing activist Virginia Thomas had the courage to say so to the January 6th Committee! While others namby-pambied around the issue, Thomas drove the point home with all the subtlety of a Supreme Court ruling smashing a 50 year-old precedent: I'm the victim here. Me! Me! Look at where I'm pointing and you'll see the true victim! Meeeeeeeeeee!
Of course, the comparison won't exactly be exact until the phonemails threatening Thomas result in serious injury to 130 police officers, but the comparison feels right, and that's what matters in this post-facts world.
Don't appreciate the threats, Ginni? Welcome to AOC's world. Welcome to Ilhan Omar's world. Welcome to Ayanna Presley's world. Of course, the equivalence won't be exact until Elizabeth Warren puts out a campaign ad comparing you, Marjorie Taylor-Greene and Lauren Boebert to terrorists, but no comparison is perfect.
Or welcome to Nancy Pelosi's world. Of course, nobody attacked Clarence Thomas with a hammer while waiting for you to come home from work. Still...umm...I mean to say...uhh...how many differences do we have to find in an equivalence before we must label it "false?"
If You Look Around The Bench, And You Only See Five Other Extremely Partisan Activist Judges, The Extremely Partisan Activist Judge Is Probably You
And speaking of poorly considered equivalences...
When baker Jack Phillips of Masterpiece Cakeshop lost his appeal of violating the same Colorado anti-discrimination law that was being challenged by Smith, he was immediately taken in chains to a gulag in northern Alaska, where he was forced to do hard labour 12 hours a day. When Phillips wasn't making cakes with antifa slogans in the harsh cold, he would sit in a circle of prisoners and admit all of his personal and political failings, even if he had to make some up to please his warders, George Soros and Jane Fonda.
Or so Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch would have you believe.
Phillips was sentenced to attend a course to train him on Colorado's anti-discrimination law. Ignorance of the law may be no defence, but Justice Gorsuch appears to consider it a fundamental right. One wonders how he would react to annual corporate sexual harassment training sessions, which are also required by law. Or states that legally required education about road laws to get a driver's licence. Or states that legally mandated people undergo parenting classes in child custody cases.
Shh. We probably shouldn't tell him. Best to let sleeping Supreme Court Justices lie...
