1) Was the third day of the House of Representatives' quest to find a speaker different from the second day?
Yes! Yes, it was different. Very different. So very different. It was like night and day. Scorsese and Ferrell. Butter and Parkay. So so very different.
On the second day of the quest, there were three ballots. On the third day of the quest, there were five.
3) That seems like a mere technical matter.
Don't knock technical matters. The third day's tally brings the total number of ballots up to 11. Double digits. More than were needed in 1923 (nine). Now, the Republicans can go for the record set in 1855: 133. It's not exactly Babe-worthy, but then McCarthy is almost as terrible a batter as he is a pitcher.
4) Was anything of more substance different?
Absolutely! Two members of the Chaos Caucus voted for Kevin Hern and one voted for former President Donald Trump.
5) Donald Trump‽ Who in their right mind would vote for Donald Trump for speaker of the - oh, it was Matt Gaetz, wasn't it?
Your understanding of how the House works is improving. By the end of this, you should be eligible for a PhD in Political Science!
6) But...but...but...don't you have to be a sitting member of the House to become speaker?
No! You don't have to be a sitting member of the House to become speaker. Or have a morally upstanding character. Or be tethered, however tenuously, to a recognizable reality. That's the brilliance of the American system! In the coming days, you can expect the following nominations for Speaker of the House: Arthur the Aardvark (a fictional character with a devoted following), Tucker Carlson (ditto), Celine Dion (to make up for being left off Rolling Stone's list of 100 best singers), Derrin Bercuson (who helped Marjorie Taylor Greene move out of her parents' house, a favour she is finally repaying), Pope Benedict XVI, Mayim Bialik and a baby's arm holding an apple on which somebody has put a sticker of an American flag.
7) Umm, yeah, faaaaaascinating, but what I really want to know is: did the number of votes change from day two to day three?
No. Hakeem Jeffries still received 212 votes. McCarthy received 201. Not McCarthy received 20. And one member-elect pretended not to be there. Honestly, if they were any more regular, you would mistake the members of the House for laxatives!
8) Were more concessions concessed today?
Were they ever! Now, it only takes one person to vacate the chair! If this goes on long enough, all you will need to force a vote to remove the speaker is a single body part!
"The Chair recognizes the honourable left foot from Georgia."
"Vacate the Chair!"
"Again? * SIGH *"
Another McCarthy concession was to offer two positions on the House Rules Committee to Chaos Caucus members.9) How did the Republicans who thought they were getting those positions take the news?
I'll be able to tell you in...three...two...one - oh yeah. They're not pleased. They look like they just swallowed a ferret, and not one of your namby-pamby North American ferrets, but a six foot tall Australian ferret. With spikes.
10) Will they continue to vote for him?
Of course. Somebody has to be the smart kid who gets bullied in the nursery.
11) What principle do McCarthy's opponents stand on?
Principle? Oh, sweetie, school's out for these people! Anna Paulina Luna was a fervent supporter of Barack Obama until she calculated that going full MAGA would be a good career move. Hell, she has so little need for consistency, she doesn't even recognize her birth name (Mayerhofer - obviously not the right ethnicity for the crowd she was courting)! Then, there was Eli Crane, who built a career on an appearance on Shark Tank, hawking bottle openers made out of 50 calibre shell casings. Honestly, the only principle these people stand on is self-promotion.
12) How are the Republicans supposed to negotiate with people like that?
As the famous saying goes, you can't negotiate with media trolls.
Would you want to argue with Marjorie Taylor Greene's little friend?
14) Won't anybody think of the children?
Of course. The Chaos Caucus is in everybody's thoughts and prayers.
15) I meant the children the Representatives-elect brought to celebrate their swearing-in.
Oh. Weeeeeeeell...you have to admit, they're getting a better understanding of how government works than they could ever hope to get from a civics episode of Schoolhouse Rock!
16) How do McCarthy supporters justify the chaos?
By getting in touch with their inner Donald Rumsfeld.
By arguing that "democracy is messy." * SIGH * What are they teaching the children these days?He has built his whole career on attaining the speakership of the House. Having to go back to work for his uncle Schmendrick's used shaving cream business? That would be humiliating. Besides, McCarthy gave up any pretense of dignity when he went to Mar-a-lago to kiss Donald Trump's...ring.
19) What lesson will world leaders take away from this?
To not let Kevin McCarthy run for a senior position in their government.
Like a mouse traversing a floor that is set to give it random electroshocks, but without the milk moustache. This should be an interesting period in the American experiment...