Odds and Ends
Modern Love is a Bad Comedy Routine
You're a few punchlines short of a stand-up routine.
You know what I mean?
You...you're a couple lawyers short of a defense team.
Yeah, you. You're a few replacement employees short of a work force.
You hear what I'm saying?
You're a couple of hazings short of an airborne regiment.
A special prize short of a box of cereal.
A few gross points short of a three picture deal.
Several songs short of a playlist.
A couple of Matisses short of a Barnes.
A few concessions to national industries short of a General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade.
Am I getting through to you?
You're a couple of bloodsuckers shy of an Anne Rice novel,
A few loopholes short of a tax policy
And several freaks short of an Archaos.
So why do I love you so?
| GOOD SIDE | BAD SIDE |
|---|
| Kicks | Nix |
| Scoring | Boring |
| Keen | Mean |
| Connective | Defective |
| Okay | Pokey |
| Peak | Weak |
| Sexy | Vexy |
| Righteous | Blighteous |
| Hunky | Funky |
Information Age of Consent
I want to live in a world
Where people know more about T. S. Eliot than TSN
Where Paradise Lost is better known than "Paradise By the Dashboard Light"
Where people don't confuse Nietzche's "superman" with DC's Superman
Where Archie Rice is a more important cultural figure than Anne Rice
Where Sun Tzu is read more often than the Toronto Sun
Where "Torah! Torah! Torah!" is better known than Tori Amos
Where Martin Luther's reputation eclipses Martin and Lewis's
Where people prefer Jean-Luc Goddard to Jean-Luc Picard
Where Mozart is better loved than Moe Berg
Where people care less about the Ottawa Rough Riders than the Washington Freedom Riders
I want to live in a world where what happened yesterday isn't considered worthless
Just because it happened yesterday
Cyberspace isn't that world
| OUTIE | INNIE |
|---|
| the Information Superhighway | rolling your own |
| Apollo 13 | Spam |
| rent due notices | low hemlines |
| the duck-billed platypus | the duck billed platypus |
| paranoia | Polyester |
| Indonesia | UNIX |
| french cooking | The Alamo |
| Wired | Whole Earth Catalogue |
| Charles Mair | Yusuf Al-Ibn |
| Madonna | paper clips |
| ball bearings | Crisco shortening |
| Quebec | that's not funny |
| saunas | the Ebola Virus |
| Bill Moyers | Madonna |
| primordial ooze | aerobicizing to the oldies |
| McLuhan | Innis |
| being told what's hip | thinking for yourself |
