Strange Rumblings From Camelot

A lot of theories have sprung up since the death of Arthur, King of the Britons in 542, few of them credible. It seems unlikely, for instance, that the Picts, their empire on the brink of ruin, could have set in motion such a complicated assassination plot

Unfortunately, the end of Camelot has captured the public imagination like no event in the past 30 years. Thus, we have to put up with a slew of half-baked conspiracy epic poems, the latest of which is Oliver Malory's AKB

As a political commentator, I am not qualified to discuss the artistic merits of the poem. However, since it deals with a political subject, I feel well within my rights to slag its contents in any way I see fit.

AKB suggests that the Guwain Commission into Arthur's death was a sham, a political farce set up specifically to find Modred the lone archer and suppress all evidence to the contrary. Malory shows us that interviews with witnesses that contradict the official version of events were destroyed by the Commission before it made its final report.

This is old news. Nobody believes the Guwain Commission's conclusion that a "magic arrow" passed through Arthur's brain, down his arm and out of his body, and through Sir John Kennealy's shoulder without shattering. On top of this, it strains credulity that Modred, who had done fairly well in archery tournaments, was able to get off three deadly accurate volleys in 6.5 seconds. It seems likely that a second archer was involved.

Who would profit from the assassination and subsequent coverup? In AKB, Malory makes the absurd allegation that the Knights of the Round Table were responsible for planning and giving the order for Arthur's murder. The way he tells it, they were afraid they would lose their Knighthoods if, as rumoured, Arthur really did end his country's battles with the Scots.

It is true that Arthur signed Royal Order 20012, authorizing the removal of all British troops from Scotland. It is also true that the order was rescinded soon after Arthur's death, leading to the disastrous undeclared war in that country. But, this is the flimsiest evidence on which to base a conspiracy.

Arthur, after all, was no peacenik. Many lives were lost in the pointless Grail Quest, for example. In fact, many people believe Arthur would go to war with any race that looked at Briton funny. The Round Table Knights had to know that their positions were secure.

Malory claims that Guinevere, who was riding next to Arthur when he was killed, had been warned that the assassination was to take place, and started clawing her way off her horse before Arthur was hit by the first arrow. The events happened so quickly, however, the evidence is ambiguous. Guinevere, however flaky she may have subsequently proven to be, was genuinely in love with her husband; can anybody honestly believe that if she had known what was going to happen, she would not have done everything in her power to stop it?

"I'm not saying that my explanation is correct in all its details," Malory said in an interview with The Town Crier. "I just think that we have been kept from the truth for too long. If AKB can start people thinking, if it can be a catalyst for people discovering what happened in that grassy dell 30 years ago, I will be happy."

Given such high-flown rhetoric, it seems churlish to point out that, right or wrong, Malory stands to make a lot of money from the release of his poem. I cannot but help resent, however, the fact that Malory seems to be making a career from making art out of the shattered dreams of a previous generation.

As for his theory, I remain unconvinced. A lot of blood has been shed since Arthur's death, a lot of needless suffering has gone on. It would be nice to think that he would have set us on a different course if he hadn't been slain by a conspiracy of self-interested butchers. Unfortunately, the history of our country is steeped in blood, and Arthur, even had he done everything Malory claims he would have, wouldn't have been more than a blip of light in our bloody nature.

Camelot was ever an unattainable dream.