The Daily Me - Epoxy on Both Your Houses!

Thank you, Epoxy on Both Your Houses!, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were convinced by the argument that all sides in a battle need to honestly assess their contribution to the conflict and strive to do better in achieving a just, lasting resolution.

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The Daily Me Staff

It's Like A Less Compassionate Version Of Death Race 2000

The Ontario government's plan to force unhoused people to live in places of the government's choosing has received so much criticism that people may have missed where it wants to move people to: highways.

"Think of the exercise a homeless person can get get running between cars on the DVP," Premier Doug Ford crowed. "Ontario will end up with the healthiest homeless people in the country - possibly the world!"

What about the people who aren't able to successfully run between cars? Ford frowned and growled: "You aren't really interested in finding solutions to the most pressing problems facing Ontarians today, are you?"

SOURCE: Toronto Stunned

[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2024/10/06/509727.html]
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Shooting Is Too Good For Them - Go All Medieval On The Messenger's Ass!

Buncombe, Florida meteorologist Wang-Kar Parke was torn apart limb by limb by a mob of angry television viewers who blamed him for Milton, a hurricane that tore apart their community, along with half the state.

"We were all torn up over the destruction, devastation and...and...and something else bad that starts with the letter d," explained Renaldo Regolith, who was responsible for tearing off Parke's left foot. "So, we decided to eliminate the person who was responsible for the hurricane. We may have been angry, but we like to think of ourselves as problem solvers."

When I pointed out that meteorologists did not control the weather, Regolith belligerently answered, "Oh, really? Then, how do you explain the fact that, in the three days since that guy died, we haven't had a hurricane? You can't, can you? I see it in your eyes, but I know you'll never say it out loud. Serves me right for thinking I could actually get through to a member of the lamestream media!"

SOURCE: USA Whenever

[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2024-10-09-the-mark-of-hurricane_x.htm]
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Peacekeepers Are Such Killjoys - It's Not Like Anybody Will Miss Them! (Israel Certainly Didn't)

"Israel injures UN peacekeepers in second strike in two days
At least eight people killed in separate strikes across Lebanese villages" - Toronto Star

SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines

[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=15765004758]
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0 For Conduct)

0 moral compass) Which of the following people or products has former President Donald Trump railed against: a) the National Football League b) Pepsi
c) Taylor Swift
d) Frosted Flakes
e) Disney
f) the National Basketball Association
g) Beyonce
h) Mr. Potato Head
i) YouTube
j) Delta Airlines
k) Bud Light
l) Nike
m) M&Ms
n) Major League Baseball
o) Ben & Jerrys
p) Amazon
q) Levi's
r) all of the above

0 shame) What is the point of going to war with all of these cultural icons or institutions? a) it makes a nice break from attacking immigrants
b) we're trying to get right-wingers to become more Zen, but we know that they will not accept a belief system that comes from Asia (because the only Asian country most of them can name is China...), so we're trying to get them to renounce physical possessions one product at a time. It's a long process and there will be setbacks, but that is the kind of sacrifice Republican officials are willing to make for the enlightenment voters!
c) once we stoked the anger of our followers, we found we had to keep giving it targets, or we would risk becoming the targets ourselves - the ungrateful bastards!

0 compassion) By now, you've probably seen the image of Elon Musk on stage with Donald Trump: the tech billionaire had one foot off the ground and his hands in the air. (If you haven't, consider yourself lucky and don't go looking for it on the - no, seriously, you shouldn't - oh, okay, satisfied, now? We tried to warn you. We can't help it if you have no impulse control...) What does Musk think he's doing? a) the freeze frame at the end of a popular, if not especially well written, sitcom (although gravity would quickly disabuse him of that notion)
b) auditioning for a spot in the revived KC and the Sunshine Band
c) showing off how spontaneous and carefree he is to prove that the billions of dollars he has lost buying Twitter doesn't bother him...not in the slightest...not at all...nope, he isn't bothered...in fact, if the belief system hadn't come from China, he would claim the was being very Zen about it...

SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles

[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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On The Application Form, When I Have To Give An Address, Will Companies Accept TBD?
Oh, And The Job Has To Be In Walking Distance Of My Tent, Because Last Week The Cops "Confiscated" My Bike
And, While I'm At It, Is It Okay To Give A Pay Phone As My Contact Number? Somebody Took My Phone Yesterday - I Have Suspicions As To Who, But So Far, No Proof
Other Than That, Yeah, Sure, I Look Forward To Working...

"Do you know what's the best way to get people to be able to get out of the encampments, get out of homelessness? Get an application and drop it off at one of these companies, and start working... Bottom line, if you're unhealthy, I'll take care of you...but if you're healthy, get off your a-s-s and start working." - Doug Ford's solution to the homeless crisis

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Dunh Duh In The Background Was A Nice Touch - It Really Drove The Point Home

To celebrate the first anniversary of the Hamas attack on Israel and Israel's retaliatory war, Persian restaurant Banu, a fixture on Queen Street for almost 20 years, was vandalized by a person or persons unknown. How did the owner know the destruction was linked to the conflict?

"The day before the attack on the restaurant, people posted things like, 'The owner of Banu is an antisemite who supports unprovoked terrorism against the state of Israel,'" said owner Samira Mohyeddin. "That, as they say on Law and Order, was the first clue..."

SOURCE: Ukrainian Foodies

[http://www.foodies.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%3Flistings%3Findex%3Easp%2F®Mode=0]
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