A Joke Only a Boomer Could Love: Contents

You Got Your Headlines in My Tweets!

1. Headlines Are Nervous About Meeting Your Parents, But Kind Of Excited, Too...

2. Headlines Found The Public Bathroom in Downtown Toronto Seconds Too Late...
Seconds Too Late...
Seconds...

3. The Headline Inquirer Wanted to Go National, But It Couldn't Find an Angel Backer

4. Love Flies Out the Window When Headlines Walk Through the Door

5. Headlines Just Couldn't

6. Headlines Couldn't Tell a Root Cause From a Root Canal

7. Headlines Felt the Struggle Was Worth the Reward They Kind of Had To In Order To Keep Going...

8. Headlines Wanted To Comment About the Concept of "Woke AI," But They Were Tired
So Very, Very Tired...

9. The Life of a Headline is Always Intense

10. Headlines Were Ready to Meet Their Maker
(They Were Prepared For the Disappointment)


11. Headlines Just Threw Up a Little in Their Mouth

12. You Wouldn't Believe Headlines if They Told You!

13. Headlines Want Candy...Don't You?

14. Headlines Were the Best Birthday Gift Anybody Has Ever Given Me!

15. From Headlines to Bedhead?

16. When Headlines Agreed to Burp the Baby, They Never Expected To Start a Revolution!

17. Headlines Had a Bad Case of the Yips

18. Who Needs Headlines at Bedtime?

19. You Call These Headlines? In My Day...

20. 2023LPAF137 - Headlines Zoned Out For a Bit There
Otherwise, They Would Have Been Happy to Ignore Your Question


21. Headlines Headed for the Foothills

22. To Every Headline, Churn, Churn, Churn...

23. Headlines: The Sassed and the Spurious

24. Headlines Pithy the Fool

25. A Headline By Any Other Name...Would Be A Different Headline, I Guess

26. Headlines Remembered To Turn the Stove Off Before They Left the House...Didn't They?

27. Headlines Flopped at the Box Office, But Were Given New Life on Cable

28. Headlines' Head Exploded From All of the Holiday Cheer

29. Headlines Weren't So Much Fortunate As Blissfully Unaware of the Danger

30. Headlines Are Not Part of Dr. Who Canon

31. Headlines Would Be Pissed If They Were Shut Out Of The Oscars, Too

32. Headlines Don't Want To Question Your Judgment They Get Too Much Pleasure Out Of Laughing At it To Want it To Improve

33. Headlines Had the Last Laugh
Then Spoiled the Effect By Laughing Again

34. Headlines Were NOT Stoked About the Release of the Dune Sequel,
But Didn't Want Their Friends To Know It

35. Headlines Were Not Impressed By Your New Beau

36. Who Are Headlines to Question Your Love of Fire Hydrants?

37. The World Is Too Peopley For Headlines' Taste

38. You Can Lead a Headlines To Water...

39. Headlines? Naah, Mate, I Haven't Seen 'Em In a Dog's Age!
You Sure They're Still Alive?

40. Headlines Wrote a Sternly Worded Letter To The Editor of The Star About Gaza, But It Wasn't Published

41. Shake Yer Headline Maker!

42. All You Can Do is Shake Your Headlines in Sadness and Move On

43. Headlines: Not Just For Kaiju Any More!

44. Headlines Wouldn't Know a Good Deal If It Hit Them Between the Is!

45. Oh, Headlines, You're Such An Incorrigible Scamp!

46. You Question Our Headlines, We Question Your Sanity!

47. Headlines Had No Enthusiasm For Ringing In the New Year - They Were Still suffering The Hangover From Last Year

48. And Boom Goes the Headline!

49. Headlines Suffer From Headline Fatigue

50. Headlines Want to Stay Forever Young, But Time Won't Let Them

No, You Got Your Tweets in My Headlines!

1. Musk Threw Everybody Into the Deep End of the Cesspool

2. TwitterX Marks the Spot -
But We Won't Know If It's Benign Or Deadly Until We Do More Tests

3. Torching the Virtual Town Square

4. TwitterX: For People Who Think Wearing Trump Branded Diapers is "Cool"

5. The Digital Commons Gets More Common With Every Passing Day

6. Come, Seven or Eleven! Seven or Eleven! Momma Needs a New Social Media Network!

7. Where Did People Get Their Disinformation Before TwitterX?

8. If It Weren't For Malicious Thoughts, TwitterX Would Have No Thoughts At All

9. For the Sake of its Sanity, The Absurd Ironyometer Had To Get Off TwitterX

10. Oh, Elon, Musk You?

11. Elon Musk Should Never Have Given Up His Lucrative Career as a Club DJ

12. When Elon Musk Talks About Free Speech, He's Not Talking ABOUT YOU

13. How Tweet It Is!

14. Once Elon Buys an Election, It Stays Bought!

15. Elon Needs To Learn That, If You Want To Succeed in Politics, You Need a Good Ad Vance Man

16. TwitterX? I Barely Knew HerX!

17. Elon Chooses A Class Action Lawsuit Over Felony Charges Because Who Among Us Faced With That Choice Wouldn't?

18. Elon Felt The Excitement
No, Wait, That Was Gas
No, Actually, It Was Existential Dread
But To Be Fair, It Had Been So Long Since He Had Felt Any Emotion You Could Understand His Confusing Them All

19. The Village Square Needs a Breath of Fresh Air

20. Elon Musk is Too Busy Playing President To Care About What You Think!

21. Elon is Dead Serious (Even Though You're the One Who Will End Up Deceased)

22. Get Out the Popcorn!
The Coalition of the Shilling is Coming Apart at the Seems!

23. It's Astonishing How Surprised People's Faces Can Be When Leopards Come To Eat Them!

24. Ringing in the New Year With the Same Old Hatreds on TwitterX

25. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I'll Hate Ya, Tomorrow. You're Only A Tweet Away...

26. It's the Tech Bros' World, Now We Just Die In It

27. DOGE Dopes and the Loss of Hope

28. TwitterX Doth Makes Fools of Us All

29. TwitterX Doth Makes Fools of Us All - The Sequel

30. If A Message Is Tweeted In A Forest, And Only Fascists Hear It Because Everybody Else Has Been Driven To BlueSky, Is It Still As Offensive?

31. Twitter? I Barely Knew 'Er!

32. Civil War MAGA Can Believe In!

33. How Much Does it Take to Buy a Presidency? $44 Billion
No Wonder Trump Doesn't Want to Talk About Inflation!

34. TwitterX Doesn't Support the Nazi Salute
But It Isn't Above Looking the Other Way When One Happens...

35. When It Comes to TwitterX, I Smile and Wave

36. TwitterX Had No Intention of Causing an International Incident (But It Wasn't Above Exploiting One)

37. TwitterX: Great for Satirists, Horrible for Everybody Else

38. TwitterX Will Be Happy To Give You a Break
Which Of Your Limbs Do You Use the Least?

39. It's Like Fighting A Robopocalypse With a MUSKet

40. The Swamp Hasn't Been Drained, It Has Just Moved To TwitterX

41. Elon Musk: The Artless DOGEr

42. Do You Think Elon Musk Ever Tires of Hurting People, But Continues To Do So Because It's So On Brand For Him?

43. Tweetwalking to Armageddon

44. TwitterX Peck Trouble

45. Elon, Elon, He's Our Man!
If He Can't Destroy It, No One Can!

46. When The Delicate Social Contract Meets Social Media, All Heck Breaks Loose

47. Elon Day's Journey Into Night

48. Let He Who Is Without Sin Post the First Tweet

49. TwitterX Speaks Untruth to the Powerless

50. Elon Wanted to be Awesome, But Had to Settle for Awful
Fortunately, He's Grown Into it Awesomely