Headlines Will Never Pretend Not to Hear Your Question and Walk Out of the Press Conference

Bullying Employees By Email Isn't As Effective Or Satisfying
And Anyway, It Leaves A Trail

"Why insist on office mandates?" - Toronto Star

Changing My Car Engine? Are You Kidding? I Can Barely Change My Baby's Diaper!

"Sometimes a costly repair is the least expensive option
When it comes to engines, would you prefer to swap in a new one or buy a new car? If changing the engine, is this something you'd do yourself? - Toronto Star

Well, Duh! They're The Only Ones Who Can Afford Them!

"Why are we building more dwellings for investors?" - Toronto Star

Hard To Tell, But It's Obvious Politicians Are

"Are cops, lawyers watching too much crime TV?" - Toronto Star

Change My Baby's Diaper

"Is there anything this station wagon can't do?" - Toronto Star

Because The Country Has The Same Number Of Male Vulture Capitalists As It Has Always Had

"Canada has more women entrepreneurs than ever. Why are they still struggling?" - Toronto Star

Not To Laugh With A Mouth Full Of Milk?
Not To Run Down A Hallway Lined With Photos Of Ancestors Holding Scissors?
Not To Say "I Love You" If We Don't Mean It?
Sure, We Learned Lessons - We Didn't Say They Were The Right Ones

"Have we learned COVID's lessons?" - Toronto Star

God Bless Us For Having The Privilege Of Being Able To Ask Such Penetrating Questions

"Why does Keanu kiss with his eyes open?
Actor's red-carpet smooch with partner begs question: is it a new tic or is he just a weirdo?" - Toronto Star

They're More Effective At Killing The Elderly Than MAID

"Why are these nursing homes getting funding?" - Toronto Star

Speak For Yoursefl
I'm So Arouuuused I Can Barely xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Celebrities Are Going Nearly Nude. Are We Not Aroused?" - New York Times

Are All Canadians?

"Trudeau is doing everything he can to gain traction. Is it working?" - Toronto Star

Out Getting Coffee For Male Board Members

"Where are the women banking CEOs?" - Toronto Star

Richie Rich
Something About Owning Land Turned Him Mean

"Who made the decision to evict shelter residents?" - Toronto Star

I Hear Their Meat Is Kind Of...Stringy...

"Eat a python, save the planet
These foreign snakes are consuming the Everglades. Could putting them on our plates help climate change?" - Toronto Star

It Is If You Killed The Owners To Get Them

"I just like open houses. Is that a crime?" - Toronto Star

Maybe Not, But Somebody Has To Make Brian Mulroney Look Like A Statesman

"Is Poilievre the alternative voters want?" - Toronto Star

Cherry Blossoms? Do They Play For Petawawa?

"Will Leafs or cherry blossoms fall first?" - Toronto Star

Handmaids To The Conservative Party

"As Liberals veer left, what next for the NDP?" - Toronto Star

Police Have To Get To Them, But Can't Because...

"BLOCK BUSTERS
Drivers clogging intersections on red lights are a leading cause of traffic misery in the downtown core. Why do so few of them face penalties for it?" - Toronto Star

Lust, Greed, A Craving For Animal Crackers - Take Your Pick

"'What motive would this person have?'" - Toronto Star

Who Says Being Miserable Doesn't Make Them Happy?

"Can the Left Be Happy?" - New York Times

I Would Have Done It With Less Style And More Swearing

"What if it had been you?" - Toronto Star

Not If It Makes The Vehicle The Butt Of A Cheap Joke

"Is the Jeep Grand Cherokee better with a plug?" - Toronto Star

Don't Ask Maria

"How do you solve a problem like traffic?" - Toronto Star

How Many Friends Have You Got?

"Worth the risk to tell my friend the truth?" - Toronto Star

Only When Somebody Has Put Anchovies In My Club Soda

"Are you an 'echoist'" - Toronto Star

Naah - Every Time We Feel A Spark, The Other Country Turns Out To Already Have A Partner

"Can Canada meet electricity goals?" - Toronto Star

How To Lace Lutefisk With LSD

"What does Finland know about happiness?" - Toronto Star

About The Time It Looked Towards Finland For Lessons About Being Happy

"When did the LCBO lose control?" - Toronto Star

Trying To Figure Out How To Get Them To Share?

"Smelling pot smoke from your condo neighbours?" - Toronto Star

Congratulations On Trivializing Two Important Social Issues In A Single Headline
That Level Of Compassionlessness Takes Decades To Perfect

"Are protests a loophole for the homeless?" - Toronto Star