When Reality Gets Crunchy, Those Who Enjoy Granola Will Have an Advantage
Contents

Headlines Knew a Party Trick That Sent Everybody Home

Who Are You to Questions Headlines' Vision For the Future?
Headlines Tolerated Bryan Adams So They Could Get To The Sex Pistols
Headlines Would Regret Making Googly Eyes at the Trash Compactor
Headlines Dealt With The Empathy Deficit By Watching More Judge Judy
Headlines Will Never Pretend Not to Hear Your Question and Walk Out of the Press Conference
The Schmenge Brothers Played "The Headlines Song" On the Accordion
Headlines Thought the Uptick In the Tick Population Was a Gaian Tic
Headlines Wouldn't Know a Huffledump If It Bit Them on the Unmentionables
Will You Be My February 14 Headline?

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Headlines Punked Out At The Last Minute (And They're Allergic to Safety Pins!)
Headlines: Where Absurdity Is Job Wonder!
Headlines Will Never...You Know...at Yuk Yuks
Headlines Don't Trust the Joy...
As Headlines Learned to Its Regret, With Great Power Comes No Oversight Responsibility
Headlines Don't Trust the Hate, Either...
Headlines Have Consequences
Headlines Watch the Watchers, Becky. Headlines.
And We Should Be Damn Grateful That They Do!
Headlines Thought It Had Found the Answer Long After It Had Forgotten the Question

Elon's Got Everybody's Hearts a~~Twitter~~X

Twitter, But Not Bitter
All Those Tweets Make You Long For a Silent Spring
Twits Tweet But Don't Fall Down
Twitter is Dying! Long Live Twitter!

How Does That Make Any Sense?
Reet Pe-tweet
Twitter is For People Who Can't Handle Drugs
Social Media Platform Under Attack From The Elonated Man!
What If They Created A Social Media Platform And Nobody Important Came?
Oh, Say Can You CNN
By Twitter's Dying Light?
Twitter Will Be a Bastion of Free Speech Just As Soon As All Those Libs Are Gone
Twitter Treat!
I'm Not Going Near the Lone Musk a Tear

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Don't Litter On TwiOh, Sorry, Mister Musk. Carry On...
This Minute's Musk Reads
Twittery Nitwittery
Twitter is Not for the Faint of Heart...Or Thin of Pocketbook
Did Elon Break Twitter, Or Just Allow It To Grow Into What It Had Always Been?
Destroying the World One Tweet at a Time...is Really Hard Work!
Ray Milland Starred In TwitterXThe Man With X-ray Eyes
Elon Musk Doesn't Like the Way You Cut Your Hair or Your Lawn
Expect a Blistering TwXeet From Him Any Moment, Now
Twitter Litter
HeTwitterX Marks the Spot!
Twitter Isn't the First Draft of History Let's Hope It Isn't the Last...
Your Post Has Left Me All AtwitterOr, Is That All AnXer Now?

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X Marks the Spot...For Indigestion
But Would You Let Elon Musk Provide Internet Service For Your Daughter?
One Year And $25 Billion Later, And What Has Elon Musk Learned?
When I Want to Seem Like a Racist Loser, I Always Wear Musk...
Be Still, TwitterX's Dead Heart
Elon Musk Doesn't Have a Thin Skin -
You Have a Sharp Knife!
TwitterXy Nittery
Tweep Your Friends Well, Or They Could Turn/Sour on You
Solve for TwitterX
If Only The Shadow President Was a Shadow Of His Former Self!
Would the Algorithm Lie to You?
I'm Torn: The Worse TwitterX Gets, The More It Inspires My Writing...

And Then, This...

What the Heck Do You Know? Hurts So Good
Frequently Unasked Questions About The Surprise Everybody Knew Was Coming
Frequently Unasked Questions About the Circus Returning to New York
Can You Spare a Couple of Bucks?
What the Heck Do You Know? Wasn't Expecting to Have to Repay Its Covid Relief Cheque...
What the Heck Do You Know? Played Stupid Games, But It's Still Waiting For Smart Prizes
Quotes Worry About the PastThey Can Do More About It Than the Future
When Your Hard Drive Dies, The Story Has to be Recovered...
Frequently Unasked Questions About the Insurrection
And Get This: This Time, It's Not American!
The Proof is in the Mail

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Frequently Unasked Questions About the Deal, Sweetheart
Quotes Have Seen This Movie Before, And They Aren't Crazy About the Ending
Quotes Desperately Wanted To Get Off the Eternal Recurrence Treadmill
Bernier, Baby, Bernier!
What the Heck Do You Know? Could Do This All Day
Crimson and Cover
The Low Friends in High Places Pipeline
Quotes Would Never Admit to Farting in the Elevator, But Yeah, It Was Them...
Derisive Dissension Determines Deplorable Debate
Personal Crossword PuzzleDonald Trump

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Don't Worry! Non-sequiturs Got You Covered
Dictator for a Day
Your Tax Dollars at Work...and Play
Oh, What a Lovely Ethnic Cleansing!
To Quote Or Not To QuoteThat Certainly is a Question
Quotes Wonder What Bruce Cockburn Did To Deserve a Barenaked Ladies Cover
Cover the Soup Tureen So the Dumplings Won't Escape!
Quotes Vote to Shoot the Goat
Frequently Unasked Question About Trump Junk
May I Quote You? I - Ah - But - Whoa!
Honestly, There's No Need For That Kind of Language!

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The Trump Dump:
Exploring the Donald's Mind So You Don't Have To
The Three Wise Men Ponder Initial Conditions
This Is...And This Is...
Cover Stories Need to Get Their...You Knows Straight
Cover MeI'm Going Out!
How to Deal With the Opposition's Vice Presidential Pick the Republican Way
Oh, The Places You'll Go!
Flooding the Zone With Deplorable
It's Time for Closing Statements, Then The Republicans Are Gonna Party Like It's 1939

A little Bit About the Author...Very Little...

An Article I'd Rather Not Write
(And to Be Fair, You're Probably Not Going to Want to Read)
Pulp NASFIC-tion